don't you get it yet, waldo? she's making a choice not to give you your lighter because you'll torch the self-help library again.
yes. finally.
you know you never gave me your cell number.
oh my god. here you are. i thought you were going to abandon me in rehab. it's 12:30. you guys are half an hour late. i've been standing here with these lunatics. you look so great. paul offers his hand to rosa.
let's go, let's go. where is everybody? carol, a handsome woman in her 40's, waves from the car.
hey carol. how are ya?
so where's rachel? carol, where's rachel? kym slides into the back seat as paul loads the car.
my sister is bending the environment to her will? really?
yah. can we go?
god no.
so are all these busy young wedding helpers staying at the house? because after eight months of constantly revolving cell mates and crazy people.
and groups groups groups.
i was looking forward to a little privacy for once.
rachel and emma. oh, great. how relaxing.
rachel must be totally freaking out. is she too tense?.
is she eating? or are all her latent food issues rearing their heads? is she hoarding snickers and cool whip under the bed like in high school? she never did put that one to sleep.
no offense, dad, but you never thought that was a problem for her. i'm kidding. it'll be great to see her. foodies are the worst, though. they never get it together. there were six of them on my floor in the hospital and you could never get into the bathroom. they would cry at the chocolate pudding and one of
can we stop at the 7. 11 please? i feel nauseous. i need something to drink.
i prefer pepsi from the fountain.
i'll do it, dad.
oh my god, you are just mi-nute!
ow!
i'm fat. rehab makes you fat. all the vending machines. look at you, missy! i'd swear to god you were puking again!
emma! no seriously, you're so tiny it's like you're asian. dad wants us to sleep in the same room so you'll be able to watch me while he's asleep and i won't sneak out of the house and blow dealers and shoot heroin.
i told him i'd just sleep in ethan's room.
emma, you still have your tiny core of rage! what a relief.
so are you an actual shrink yet? even though you're like twelve years old?
you should prescribe something soothing for emma. like vicodin.
they do in guam.
since when are you a designer, emma?
that's so great. i think i heard that. isn't this your fifth incarnation or something? weren't you an actress? all the n.e.d.'s in the hospital were actresses.
they were constantly doing leg lifts under the sheets.
i ate so much cookie dough and did so many whip-its with angela paylin.
oh my god.
and he skates over to the judges table, all panting and sweaty, with his spangly neil diamond shirt open to the chest.
to the roar of the crowd and the shock of the olympic judges!
i should call her right this second. is she really coming? who are all these energetic young people decorating the house?
what about me? what am i doing? rachel and emma exchange a look.
hello?
--mom's in charge of flowers?
i am. i'm like kofi annan. in rehab they said i was the maternal hub of my peer group. i was always the referee for softball.
i was. i was the only one who could convince the methamphetamine freaks that no one was chasing them when they ran around the bases.
whatever. they have trust issues in the first place. i'm going downstairs to find olive and get some unconditional love. kym swans out of the room.
anyway, i'm doing some lighting. i already got the candles and everything. rachel and emma share a look.
forget mom and me and the fucking flowers.
speaking of dawgs, when am i going to meet this fiancee of yours anyway?
here.
actually there's a meeting i have to make. and i have to pee in a cup. and register as a general biohazard.
just tell me which car i should take. paul doesn't say anything. carol floats to paul's side.
which car?
i have a license.
ow!
hello? hello?
hi. i'm here to pee in a cup.
okay. i'm trying to get to a meeting.
i know that.
piss!
shit!
cocksucker!
where did you think i was?
oh my god. you're black. sorry i called him a dawg.
you don't look like a record producer. you're supposed to have a hapless lackey next to you with an umbrella.
i got a haircut. kym gives emma a look. emma smiles sweetly.
hey.
gee, thanks!
it is kind of lurid, isn't it? the best man and the maid of honor.  furtively slipping off to the coal bin to have it off while the rest of the wedding party labors away at preparations for the big event.
what?
oh.
i love the grey.
look at this. i love this. it's like a cloud.
you guys know how i am. i never wear lilac.
sure, but i got paid for that and i was on horse tranquilizers. so why aren't i the maid of honor? why is emma the maid of honor?
what does that mean?
bullshit. it's a sari. you take a bolt of cloth and wrap it around you. jesus christ i've been home one day and i can't get a straight answer out of anybody.
i'm talking about dad offering me food every ten seconds.
no. he has to know where i am and what i'm doing all the time because he has never resolved his own trust issues.
shut up.
i'd love to but he won't let me. i feel him watching me all the time. and carol and you guys too.
everybody's looking at me like i'm the visiting sociopath. what are you people waiting for me to do? burn the house down? they both look at her.
that was a mattress fire and it wasn't even at home! it was on a sleep over! god! i should just get hazmat tattooed on my forehead for you people.
how could you fucking say that to me?
now emma's got another reason to hate me. like she needed one.
thank you, emma. no, thank you.
it's about sisterhood.
sisterhood conquers all.
so the gray is not an option?
i don't know anybody at what's obviously the loser end of the table. can i have your chana masala?
where's mom? where's our mother? how could she not be here already? i haven't even seen her since i've been home.
i can't believe mom would be late for my release back into the wild.
the words "carol" and "helium" somehow.
she wouldn't have any idea what to do with a helium tank.
you're a lawyer?
say something legal.
so what do you do now?
sweet.
i'm fat. rehab makes you fat.
wow. we were wondering if you got the dates scrambled.
thank god. what a relief! now the party can really get started.
so mom, you look great.
it's a private party, mom. how's grandma? still surly and irascible?
great. same.
fine.
you're moving to hawaii?
was that the guy with the peroxide hair? abby, not looking at her daughter, shushes her.
relax, it's seltzer. low giggles.
hello. i'm shiva the destroyer and your harbinger of doom for the evening. i want to thank you all for coming and welcome you even though i haven't seen most of you since my latest stretch in the big house.
you all look fabulous. during the twenty minutes i was not in the hole for making a shiv out of my toothbrush, i actually did participate in the infamous 12 step program. 12 steps. step-ball- change, step-ball-change. i'm still waiting for the change part. some guests laugh. sidney grins. carol, paul, rachel, and abby sit silently. andrew moves in towards his wife.
but as they say, relapse is an almost always inevitable component of recovery, god knows i've got high marks in that mode!
anyhoo, as more of you know than are likely to admit, one of the actual steps is about making amends.
so i spent a lot of time calling up people who barely remembered me - who barely remembered anything - and apologizing to them for bouncing a check or passing out in the bathtub and flooding their house, or otherwise involving them in sordid activities they were desperately trying to forget. i had to call this one girl who was, i think, fourteen, but i couldn't talk to her because her mom took out a restraining order.
anyway, i did a lot of apologizing to people who were practically strangers so i very much want to take this opportunity to not only congratulate my extraordinary sister, the future explorer in matters of the mind, thank you very much, and her adorable, impending husband on the occasion of their unprecedented nuptials.  but also to apologize to my extraordinary sister, the future explorer in matters of the mind, for.  everything! and i really mean that, rachel. i've been a nightmare and you've been a saint. i'm so damned glad i'm here with you and sidney and his family and ours, and i am so happy for you guys, i really am. so, i am hereby raising my seltzer in celebration of my laudatory sister and herewith making amends. sidney, you are robbing our dysfunctional family of one of it's most vital ingredients, and it's only member still willing to lend me money. enjoy hawaii. la chaim.
one down. what's for dessert?
i'm exhausted. is there any watermelon?
what?
i was toasting you and i was making amends. it's one of the steps. it's important.
oh, god. dad?
yes?
christ. i just got here. carol hands kym a slice of watermelon.
you're so cynical. dad, since when has she been this cynical?
i had no idea you were so angry, doctor.
you people need to purge. you people really should go to nar-anon or something. i mean it.
all of you people living in this little world of judgement and paranoia and mistrust. i can feel it every second. at the slightest sign of ingratitude or absence of atonement it's like the freaking salem witch trials around here. i might as well be.
thank you carol, for your inevitable pearl of wisdom, but you people are my family. you people make me feel like shit a hundred times a day. you try living under dad's constant monitoring for five minutes and see how you like it.
"i'll drive you!" "carol, she's back!" "don't sleep here, sleep there." "here. eat this." dad, you're obsessed.
gee, rach, sounds like you have some paternal. sibling issues to work through.
hello? by the way? i'm not in crisis. i haven't been in crisis for a year.
why is this so difficult for you people to understand? it's like you're not happy unless i'm in some kind of desperate situation. you have no idea what to do with me unless i'm desperate. god. why am i the only one who's willing to say this stuff?
what?
that is so unfair!
wait! stop! you can't just drop that tectonic bit of information into a completely separate conversation, rachel. you can't do that!
oh, god. of course i'm happy for you. but you can't tell me when we're talking like this. it's a total set-up!
dad, will you tell her i'm happy for her?
you're leaving? in the middle of this conversation?
of course. fair enough. i'm off to raid the medicine cabinet.
that was such a set-up.
ha! she's such an operator. now i'm the bad guy again. or still.
thank you! otherwise they'd have to pay attention to their own suspicious lives. nobody actually wants me to actually change, you know. what would they obsess about? i'm like a blessing.
dad had an actual "blueprint for rehabilitative success" at my last intervention. on graph paper. he goes all out with the response, my dad.
meanwhile an ex-heterosexual ex-boy friend of mine actually rang the door once and tells my mother, "kym is sitting in her apartment? with the shades drawn? doing all this heroin and cocaine? and i think she's going to, like, die?" and mom smiles and says "thank you" like he was speaking in sanskrit.
exactly! i nodded out into the poached salmon at dad's wedding two years ago and he told carol he thought it was jet lag.
what turf?
so?
what are you talking about?
null. maybe we should just play pinball.
who told you that?
what's hawaii like?
uh uh.
most people say "my girlfriend lives there" or "my wife lives there."
have you had him a long time?
that's a shrink thing, not a genetic thing.
we were in the park. i was sixteen and i was. i had taken all these percoset. i was unbelievably high.
where are you putting me? in the stockade?
don't put me with michael and sandy.
sandy never called me back after i sent her an amends e-mail from milestones. i hate it when people don't meet you half way.
where are you putting me?
can someone else do it? i was planning on enjoying myself.
still? god.
that's all i need. another reason for grandma rose to hate me.
she's still mad about that thing at the rite aid.
whatever.
what's the time limit?
dad!
mom is handling the flowers?
got it. wow. nurturing and growing things from the soil. textbook, right?
yeah, exactly! candles and rice paper -- all lit up during the ceremony. it's a way of honoring ethan, ethan's.  spirit, you know? it will look really nice too, mainly. millions of little candles all over the place, and one huge rice paper candle - representing ethan - glowing near the couple. that would be you and sidney.
geez. it was an idea. lighten up, okay? they do that in japan or india or someplace, okay?
oh my god - fine! done! it was nothing, okay. it was just an idea.
are you getting a manicure?
nooooo.
oh. my. god.
i meant to come back. i swear. i even had. oh god, what was it?
god is punishing me.
so, how are ya?
we were. at milestones?
where did you go after that?
i know. it's so weird.
"the human mirror: seeing with a fresh perspective" like secret santas of despair.
would you stop?
don't you think his perspective might be a little skewed?
--that we know of!--
ew!.  wait.  rachel yanks open the car door, jumps in.
i wasn't hurting anybody. no one got hurt, rach. rachel slams the car door shut.
thanks for abandoning me. i had to take a taxi!
why would anything i said or didn't say at the hospital hurt you? it wasn't about you!
god, rachel.
oh jesus christ. not by you! it was a long time ago!
no!
it was anonymous! it seemed like a good idea at the time. the three on the couch are stunned for a moment.
nice, rachel. thank you.
you're not worthless. you're my sister. i love you guys. i need you guys, but you don't get to sit around for the rest of my life deciding what i'm supposed to be like. you weren't there. you weren't inside my head when i was fucked up and your certainly not there now. you haven't got a clue what i feel.
yes! i was stoned out of my mind! jesus christ, who do i have to be now? mother theresa? did i use up all the love i'm allowed for this lifetime because i killed our little brother?
i'm sorry! i'm sorry, okay? i'm sorry!
ahhh.
in a minute. i need a glass of water.
when will andrew be back?
yes.
dad was loading the dishwasher.
and i handed him ethan's bowl with the trains on it by accident.
why did you leave me in charge of him? abby stops.
you knew. all of you knew. people told you. i was a junkie.
you know what i was. it's not like there weren't any clues. i stayed in my room for days. i passed out all the time. where were you, mom! what were you thinking? why did you leave me? why did you leave me in charge of him? abby closes her fists and beats kym with all her strength.
mom?
mom?
i'm the maid of honor.
i hit mom.
not with the car.
i have to get dressed.
dad! i'm fine.
you sent out the cavalry?
i have to get ready. i have to get dressed.
i hit mom.
no. no.
okay.
excuse me.
fine. i had an accident.
sorry. i'm not sure.
that sucked.
ouch. the girl laughs and runs off.
hi. where's mom?
how can you take a break from your own daughter's wedding?
and anyway, she hasn't even done anything all day.
it's so nice here. suddenly kieran sweeps into the room.
hello?
why are you going to washington?
i can't find my cigarettes.
hi.
the public is kind of afraid of me.
have you already talked to carol about me staying here?
you always said it was stupid.
i've got it. thanks, dad. i'll be right back.
oof. you scared me.
yeah. i have to go. i was coming to find you.
i was coming to find you. my ride's outside.
if i need to post bond? kieran hands kym a folded piece of paper.
thank you, kieran.
that would be nice.
i have to go. bye.
dad.
will you tell dad?
i love your baby!
bye!