dr. dodd?
i know. nice to meet you dr. dodd. isn't the telcom raining debris all over europe?
oh, this. sorry, i was worried that people would think i was stuffy, you know, no fun; all brain, no penis,
i'm sorry, it's just an infantile response to authority.
no. well, yes. i mean, i used to be. now i'm mhavishnue kinsley.
well, i just can't help it. you're such a fun guy yourself.
someday i hope to be two of them.
you are very beautiful.
oh, really? how many of them have you met?
really?
old professor hostetler? isn't he dead?
i have a pretty sizable perks package right now.
so are you.
yup! i mean no!
you have no idea how much i need that kind of continuity in my life right now.
what number was he?
you're wonderful.
can we go somewhere?
what?
i guess right now i'd have to say fluid mechanics.
and gym.
sorry.
ultra-high power laser as an energy force for fusion. tremendous boon to all mankind. and womankind, too.
it's the process for obtaining enormous amounts of energy from forms of hydrogen, like deuterium and tritium.
extracting the fuels is no problem.
getting them to combine and release the energy is the problem.
it takes temperatures of 100 million degrees celsius.
so, i'm.
building.
a laser.
that pulses.
very hot.
and causes.
fusion.
hi.
hey, you just gonna sit there admiring the room or are you going to help me with this?
it's a penis stretcher. you want to try it out?
oh really? well, congratulations, then, no, it's an iron mike.
a baseball pitching machine.
you didn't straighten the place up, did you?
good. 'cause all my filth's in alphabetical order.
i put your stuff away for you.
it's all in the bottom drawer. shirts, pants, underwear, shoes. i had a little trouble with your sport jacket, so i threw it out. nah, only kidding. this one's for you, little johnny.
what a game. i'm chris kinsley.
welcome to pacific tech's "smart people on ice."
ice turned out real good, ick.
what did you use?
come on, people. nobody's skating.
moles and trolls.
moles and trolls. work, work, work, work. i plan this for weeks. i go to a lot of trouble and all they want to do is study. i'm hurt. i know that's it's not like me but i'm sorry. i'm starting to get discouraged, people. we had nobody at the mutant hamster races, one entry in the madame curie look-alike contest, and he was disqualified later. why do i even bother?
this? this is new kind of shovel.
we are? what about that time i caught you naked with a bowl of jello?
number one what?
really? i guess you think you're pretty hot stuff?
hey! maybe you are smarter than me, but, can you do this?
hey, ick. is it okay to breathe this stuff? ick? ick?
was it a dream where you see yourself dressed up in kind of sun god robes standing on top of a pyramid with all theses nude women throwing little pickles at you?
why am i the only person who has that dream?
coffee?
so, what's happened?
you've seen him too?
hopsfield.
so far.
coming.
floating, sir. and thinking.
sounds fun. should i bring anything?
i'll try and borrow one. now, if you'll excuse me, there are millions of boys and girls everywhere waiting for me to bring them presents. ho ho ho.
you wanted to see me, your joggingness?
only when chased.
it's one of mark's ickagami's experiments. he's been irradiating corn with strontium. it's his hobby; big food.
it's big popcorn.
okay. have you ever considered switching to de-caffeinated coffee?
you want me to work nude?
and you to me, jerry.
and i advanced your project more than any three guys on campus.
hey, aren't you getting a little obsessive about this? i took in the new kid. he's working his guts out for you.
hey, i'm out of here. delenda est cartheo. p.e.i. july one.
okay, jerry, but i really think you should see an analyst.
hi. do me a favor, taste this.
come on, you won't hurt my feelings.
well, too sweet?
beats me. i just found it in one of the labs.
come on. i'm just pulling your leg. how are you doing?
lighten up. it's only a laser.
instead of trying to take that roomful of capacitors over there and putting new perspective. charge this baby up. everything you've got.
you'll see. go
do it.
making hamburgers.
relax, it's just the fuses at the sub station. they'll have it back on in a second. more importantly, did we get a charge?
follow the yellow brick road.
constantly.
come on in, boys. surf's up.
but the main thing is you look good.
and would that be the end of the world. milton?
yeah, you're right. maybe you should go back to the library.
i haven't had them all tested yet, cornell, but so far so good.
no, no they're not, they're from a nearby college though.
the wanda trossler school of beauty.
not yet.
they'll teach you. let's get serious here, lads. there are 670 guys at pacific tech and 136 girls.
good, milton. of the 136 girls, most of them can find guys a lot better than you.
these girls are not used to geniuses. you might impress them.
let me put this another way. given the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you guys have to admit the strong probability that this may be the only chance you'll ever get in your entire lives to have sex.
think about it.
don't eat that!
don't you know eating that stuff can give you very large breasts? oh. my god! i see i'm too late.
kent. let's never fight like that again.
we've been lovers too long to have a silly argument come between us.
please. don't speak. you were right. tonight i'll wear the cowboy suit.
where were you all last night?
jordan told me about atherton coming down on you. what exactly did.
let me hold that thought and get back to ya.
too low.
okay, if you want to leave, go ahead. but you'll miss the fun.
ick invented a new virus and we're gonna release it in kent's room.
hey, i was just kidding, i.
just a second.
i tried to help you. i tried to help you relax.
student beauticians.
they called me chris the whiss'.
i think they meant wuss, but it didn't rhyme. when i was three years old, i balanced my father's checkbook so they sent me to school and fired their accountant. my father was so intimidated, he stopped speaking to me. my teacher disliked me because i was smarter than they were, and my classmates hated me because i bell the bell curve. sound familiar? and tell me why my. why did my mother dress me in white shirts, hush puppies and a briefcase, guaranteeing that a girl would never talk to me?
and then one night, in this room, i was sitting right where you are sitting now. i had a vision. i saw him.
hopsfield.
yeah. laslo hopsfield. i followed him. through the closet; down into the steam tunnels. and down there i saw the most disgusting thing ive ever seen.
hopsfield in his pajamas.
and i talk to the guy . turned out that in the seventies he was the number one stud around here. smarter than you and me put together. so brilliant, so sharp, so advanced, so long.
he graduated. went to work for some chemical company. one day someone told him he was making stuff that was killing people. i think it was his mother. he freaked. you see, he was totally unprepared for the real world. he had no philosophy. he thought science was the answer for everything.
yes, you are, metaphorically speaking. unless you see that the same thing that has made your life miserable can make it great; your brain. when you're smart, people need you, and you can learn how to work that for fun and profit.
hey, i don't carry a briefcase. you're a nice kid. if you leave i'll miss you.
well, the first thing you have to do is get even with kent. it's a moral imperative.
he puts his name on his car. he does the same thing with his underwear.
hey, kent. that's your car.
i had help.
hey, kent, you owe us ten dollars for the gas. he'll never pay us.
wow! hello.
jerry asked me to drop by. what did he ask you to do?
which word didn't you understand?
what meeting?
okay.
right.
anything i should know about?
i guess this is goodbye. i'm sorry i didn't get a chance to know you. at all. have you ever seen breasts like theses before?
oh, then i guess you have.
you said come over.
what's up, doc.
what?
did you suddenly find humor?
i'm trying.
i'll pass your exam.
we had a deal!
you can't do this. i'll go to dr. meredith.
you dick!
self-realization. i was thinking of jumping, but it's only twelve feet.
no. atherton is going to flunk me out of school.
yeah, and he says i didn't deliver. you sleep with pits, you wake up smelly. i think aristotle said that. it was him or eva gabor. at least hopsfield still has his integrity.
i thought i was so smart. i didn't want to be like the other dumb geniuses like hopsfield. i though i could use them., instead of them using me. but, guess what?
thank you.
how?
but that's the old way.
mitch!
look, you don't have to stay up with me. it's not like we're driving. get some sleep. you're a growing boy. i hope.
hi, laslo.
gee, i didn't get you anything. is that them?
really?
kind of takes the fun out of it, doesn't it?
so where are the questions?
how do you. never mind.
i guess we should, seeing as he's gone to all the bother of having one and everything.
okay, kent, but i don't think that's going to help your confidence, do you?
is it okay if i name my first child after you? dipshit kinsley has a nice ring to it.
okie-dokie, doc, a house doesn't have to fall on ole chris kinsley.
no!!!!
you bastard. this is your fault.
shit! i deserve that. it all comes back on you in the end.
holy shit!
of course, it's so simple. echoes, bouncing back at me and you.
mitch?!
laslo! buddy! have you seen mitch?
i failed!
that's true. but never mind that now. it came to me. the power problem. i solved it. echoes! it's so simple, four little mirrors. it bounces back and supercharges the gas itself. i've got to find mitch to help me build it but it should increase the power ten-fold at least. if you see him, tell him to meet me at the lab. bye.
great. it was a snap. but atherton said he's failing me anyway.
thank you, jordan. i do feel terrible but i can't talk about it right now. i need mitch. gotta go. bye.
hiya, jerry, how's it going?
world peace, but i don't think this is the time to discuss it.
yes, i know that. but i thought you might be interested.
i solved the power problem, jerry.
as you know, i was working on supercharging the df by means of a fusion technique using a secondary laser. well, when i tried it, i discovered kent had sabotaged it so it collapsed on itself.
and i want to thank him for the thought.
the deuterium and fluorine take up enough space by themselves, right? well, the mistake we've been making up to now is in trying to kick up the power by means of yet another outside source. big and bulky, right? well, the elegance of this is that by reflecting part of the lasing light back in the gas jets we supercharge the whole deal, increasing the power tenfold with no increase in size.
kent, make yourself useful for once and help put those plates against the wall.
okay, mitch do it. this should work.
so far so good. and now, cross your fingers.
sorry about the wall, sir.
thank you, sir.
absolutely. kent, you with us?
yeah.
i don't care, laslo. i graduated.
this is not good.
the mirror is gone, too. atherton, you worm! you pig! you fuck! kent, you too!
i should have seen it! how could i have not seen it!
it's easy to lie to you. you trust people! i'm cynic! what an asshole i am!
why doesn't your phone ring, you jogging, syphilitic microbe?
he does get away with it.
what's going on?
and you're proud of that?
this is it. that's the guy i saw at his house with the daughter.
it's happening.
you're absolutely right! the time has come, people. no more being used. no more downtown schmidlaps or uncle stans or jerry athertons. we're going to take responsibility for our own brains. remember, without ethics there can be no morality. without morality there is no society and without society there can be no fast food restaurants. so the whole country, nay, in the world, is counting on us to get even in a big way. thank you.
thanks. synchronize watches.
it's just something you say at a time like this.
okay, forget it. let's go.
so we can't get on-base clearance.
forget it. we'll balls it.
they shoot us.
how long does it take?
snap it up, will ya? we just flew in. we're tired. we're hungry. we have this stupid car.
you have to intimidate these guys.
of course not. we're classified.
lasers are a young science. there, fine, now you've made me say it. now we're all in trouble.
excuse me.
look, pal, don't call anybody. we're four hours late. it's our jobs. give us a break, will ya? someday you might be in the private sector, right?
nice work. keep it up.
what?!
get the eeproms.
abbott to costello.
costello, who's on first?
we've got the goodies.
great. shoot.
we're taking.
you may be interested in knowing that mitch reports that herr professor is approaching and i'm not even sweating. isn't that remarkable?
yes, sir, i do, but first may i take this opportunity to compliment you on your fashion sense.
yes, sir, i know.
i think we're going to be able to accommodate you in just a minute, sir.
boy, if this works, he's going to start a new religion.
kent! stop!
do you think we used too much?
well, i guess we all learned something here today.
i don't know, but it seemed like the right thing to say, didn't it?
really? i'm sorry you missed it.
why?
what? to whom?
right. congratulations.
what do you mean? where are you going?
absolutely.