mead. made it m'self.
real honey. he takes the jug back. sneezes royally, spewing all over the brew. oblivious, he hands the contaminated jug to aslan.
an englishman's mead not bleedin' good enough for ya?
your bloody loss, mate. he swigs. passes the jug on to duncan, who drinks heartily. wulf cautiously approaches robin.
what is it, boy? speak up!
c'mon, lad, drink! 'twill put hair on your bloomin' chest. wulf tries the brew. the impact is instant. he turns green and runs. his father cracks up.
this stumpy one 'ere's david o' doncaster. we calls 'im bull.
that be hal brownwell, but the lads call i'm hal hiccup. the others make hiccup and belching sounds, and crack up at hal's embarrassment. hal strikes out angrily at his tormentors.
we're outlaws. got prices on our 'eads, every man jack. blasted sheriff says we owes 'im taxes.
we get by, i reckon.
what in bloody blazes'd ya have us do?
we show as much as a toe outside the forest, they'll slaughter us like bleedin' sheep.
'we'? ya lookin' to join us, matie?
stuff a flippin' cork in it, will. the man's our guest. will gets up. angrily pushes his way out of the group.
that there's will scarlet. pay 'im no 'eed. 'e's full o' piss and wind.
ya're full o'bloody wind an' all, mate. this 'ere load o' rubbish agin the sheriff's bloomin' army? ya must be bloody jokin'.
ya're a daft bugger, robin hood, but ya're a brave 'un, i'll give ya that. drink up, laddie, cuz tomorrow ya mayn't be so lucky! tomorrow i shall best ya an' crack that blasted noble head in two. laughing loudly, he throws back his head for a long draught of mead.
sheriff hasn't left us a bloody pot to piss in.
bollocks, will. jus' bugger off, eh? overpowered, will relents. with a defiant glance, he skulks away.
ya got us by the short and curlies, robin hood. now let's hear what ya got to bleedin' say.
'ow in bloody blazes are we gonna do that?
i'll be buggered.
cain't get a bleedin' squeak outa 'em, rob.
reckon the cap'n knows summat, rob, but stubborn ol' cocker 'e is.
no, robin, no! they be god-fearin' men.
kill 'em aye, but not like this. 'tain't christian. blood-curdling screams from behind the wagon where aslan has dragged his victim. the captain's face pales. then silence.
sure changed the color of 'is britches, didn't 'e?
gonna laugh my bloody balls off.
aye, the romans built a bleedin' great wall to keep 'em out.
agin' who?
right m'lad. let's see how close you can git to that bugger. wulf takes aim. his arrow slices clear through his father's arrow, splitting it in two. little john slaps wulf on the back and beckons everyone over.
take a gander at this 'un, mates. never seen nuthin' like it in my bloomin' life.
hush, m'lass. ya'll be fine.
ya're sittin' thar like a fat sow. help her, man, help her!
so be it.
marches among the cheering families, holding his newborn child high for all to see. tuck sits miserably to one side. bloody and exhausted, aslan appears at the hut door. tuck jumps to his feet, drawing his knife. heads turn. tense silence. robin appears, unsteadily, behind aslan. watches, ready to intervene. tuck stares at aslan. raises his blade.  and slices down across his own wrist.
ya'll be jus' fine. lil' smoke ain't gonna kill ya. scared and injured woodsmen careen out of the trees. full retreat.
'ere, lads.  over 'ere! we must make a stand. most of them keep on running.
damn y'all! ya're no more use than a load o' wet farts.
bollocks, will. quit yer bloody bellyachin'. hal runs to join them, stuttering.
c.  ccc? what the bloody hell ya sayin'? cows?.  cowards?.
stop 'ere and flippin' well fight 'em, that's what. whadya say, lads? half-hearted support from about a dozen men, including tack.
nay, reveren'. ya best be goin' wi' the wenches.
let's give 'em a bloody good wallopin' an' all, lads.
'bout bleedin' time, mush. tuck is driven to the ground.  his assailant is deliver- ing the lethal blow, when aslan cuts him down. tuck glances heavenwards.
git the bleedin' 'ell outa there, ya li'l bugger. distracted, he doesn't see a celt swing at his back.  but wulf's arrow pierces the man's adam's apple. he freezes in mid-air, before toppling at john's feet. when john turns back, wulf is being dragged away by three of the sherrif's men. he attempts to pursue, but is intercepted by two more celts.  and struck down. aslan charges between the two celts. slashes down with both swords. both men topple to the ground simultaneously. suddenly all is quiet. the smoking clearing is a mass of fallen bodies. only four men seem to be alive. robin, aslan, tuck, who is slouched against a tree gasping for breath, and hal, who kneels clutching his wounded shoulder. robin dismounts and runs to little john. overwhelmed and exhausted, he slumps over the giant's unmoving form.
don't 'ee start bleedin' blubberin', or ya'll make me bloody vomit.
i'll wring yer scrawny neck, will scarlet. i'd be doin' yer a bloody favor an' all. quickly, others arrive. aslan, tuck, hal, fanny, with kids clinging to her skirts.
git us a rope, hal, and we'll put the bleedin' weasel outa 'is misery.
no bugger 'scapes the sheriff, 'nless 'e's linin' 'is bloomin' pockets.
aye. 'e always did 'ave balls o' brass.
search 'im, hal. 'e'll 'ave a bloody blade on 'im somewheres. will eyes the accusing faces. hal searches, lifts will's shirt. his whole skin is lacerated with deep gashes and fresh burns.
bugger me. he steps back. ready to listen.
marriage, eh? what lucky wench gits to play with the sheriff's codpiece? will turns his gaze directly on robin.
aye, and then with king richard gone, he takes the bloody throne. everyone reacts with shock. only robin appears unsur- prised.
'e's in. we're all bloody in. daft buggers.
what in blazes ya doin', woman? where's the little 'uns?
ya gone bleedin' cracked, girl?
ya should be bloody well mindin' the other seven. tell 'er, rob. robin starts to draw a diagram on the ground with a stick.
fight fair.
or don't fight at all.
come on, ya ckicken-'earted buggers. ya milksops, ya bleedin' pansies. he can't shoot fast enough. as they descend on him, he leaps from the battlements onto a soldier's back. grabs his sword.
excuse me, m 'old cock. ya mind if i borrow this? he's backed up against a battlement, outnumbered five to one.
ya gutless bloody sissies. someone attacks his assailants from the rear. the tide turns.
wulf! i told ya to keep outa the fightin'.
well, ya'll get a bloody good wallopin' if we get 'ome.  for now, let's see how well i taught ya. wulf sends an attacker plummeting off the parapet.
we done it, mate. we clobbered the buggers.