i'm sorry. did someone say my name?
gentlemen, gentlemen, please.
mr. blume.
my name's max fischer. i just wanted to tell you, i strongly agree with your views concerning rushmore.
ten years.
i know it, sir.
your speech was excellent. except i disagree with your ideas about rich kids. because. after all, we don't choose who our fathers are. but that's really my only criticism.
this is my chapel partner, dirk calloway.
thank you for coming today, sir.
i really. i think it is. you're right about rushmore. look around. it truly is a great school.
anyway, nice to have met you.
i see.
dr. guggenheim. i don't want to tell you how to do your job. but the fact is no matter how hard i try, i still might flunk another class. and if that means i have to stay on for a post-graduate year, then so be it. but if --
well. we don't offer it yet.
well, i'm a terrible speller.
do you remember how i got into this school?
that's right. a little one act. and my mother read it and felt i should go to rushmore. and you read it, and you gave me a scholarship, didn't you ?
do you regret it?
couldn't we just let me float by? for old times' sake?
they want to kick me out, dirk.
the only thing i can do. try and pull some strings with the administration, i guess.
i don't have time for a goddamn tutor. you know my schedule.
that's the rumor.
what? i tried to get latin canceled for five years. "it's a dead language," i'd always say.
at least i saved dirk from the horror.
who's henry james?
what does this mean?
you mean like smart.
i'd like to see a list of all the people who've checked out this book in the past year.
my pleasure. i'm just trying to impart some of the experiences i've accrued to help dirk. there he is now. nice talking with you, mrs. calloway.
how'd the math test go?
i thought you had a math test today.
yeah, i got an extension.
i shook hands with her.
and i gave her my phone number.
he said that?
that's a really crude thing to say. that's dirk's mother.
mr. blume!
it's max fischer.
how's the concrete business?
i'm sorry to hear that.
the secret?
hey, ronny. hey, donny.
see you tomorrow, mr. blume.
excellent!
excellent. irving?
get some rootbeers for anybody who wants one. i don't want one. ok. next scene. frank, you enter stage right with a bag of cocaine.
hm. i'd say
i know.
pathetic. just pathetic.
for once, will you please try not to look on the bright side?
do you think i'm stupid?
but i'm failing english and history, too.
what, like barber college?
no, i love rushmore. i don't want to go someplace second rate. besides, it would ruin my chances of getting into oxford.
no, thanks. you know how i like it.
you think i'm spending too much of my time starting up clubs and putting on plays?
i should probably be trying harder to score chicks. that's the only thing anybody really cares about. but it's not my forte, unfortunately.
yes, that's true.
hello.
thank you. you're a teacher here, aren't you?
what subject do you teach?
and this is your first year at rushmore, i take it.
i see. how long have you been a smoker, if you don't mind me asking?
fifteen.
you should quit.
where'd you go to school, by the way?
really? that's a coincidence. my top schools where i want to apply to are oxford and the sorbonne. but my safety is harvard.
thank you.
well. i haven't decided for sure. but probably a double major in mathematics and pre-med. what was your major?
ah, that's interesting. did you hear they're not going to teach latin here anymore?
they do, don't they?
that's latin, isn't it?
what does it mean?
sic transit gloria. glory fades. i'm max fischer.
good. now you.
in summation, i have only one question: is latin dead? nisilum sacnus estne? only you can say. thank you for your time.
is that latin?
you were in vietnam, if i'm not mistaken, weren't you?
were you in the shit?
sure.
what's sunday?
oh, that's right. yeah. i'm not going to be able to make it to that one.
i may not be rich, mr. blume. and my father may only be a doctor. but we manage.
no, thank you. i mean, i appreciate the offer. but i've got everything i need right here at rushmore. besides, it wouldn't be fair.
excuse me, mr. blume. nice talking with you.
miss cross?
these guys have tests?
i thought they just did coloring and stuff.
i'm max fischer. we met the other day.
fine, thank you.
yes, please.
i thought i would just let you know, as per our conversation the other day -
right. the romance languages. i gave a little speech -
you did?
i thought you'd be pleased to hear they're going to continue the latin program.
thank you very much.
you need an assistant?
i doubt it. i'm on scholarship, though. academic scholarship. so sometimes, i get to do odd jobs.
i didn't know you were married.
when did he die?
my mother's dead.
she died when i was seven.
now what's going on in here?
you really love fish, don't you?
how much do these cost?
no. but i've got an idea. and need some money.
rushmore deserves an aquarium. a first class aquarium where scientists can lecture, and students can study marine life in their natural -
a huge aquarium. an entire building.
that's right. piranhas. i talked to a man in south america.
we will have piranhas.
nothing. i felt i should go to you first.
because at this moment i feel our best strategy is to keep a low profile. the more preparation i can do, the stronger our case will be when we go to the administration.
$35.000 for the initial plans.
you need any help grading papers or anything?
uh-huh?
sure.
it's crossed by mind that you might consider that a possibility, yes.
and you're a teacher. and never the twain shall meet. i know, i'm not trying to pressure you into anything, miss cross. i'm surprised you brought it up so bluntly.
we've become friends, haven't we?
good. that's all that matters to me.
and the truth is neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationships is going. we can't predict the future.
but we're friends.
that's what i meant by relationship. you want me to grab a dictionary?
i understand. you're not attracted to me. c'est la vie. i'm a big boy.
if you say so. all i'm getting at is i've never met anyone like you. take that for whatever it's worth.
you haven't, have you?
you want to shake hands?
i'm glad we had this conversation.
by the way. are you free? thursday night?
dinner.
we're getting a group together after the play.
what happened to the cannoli line?
you're supposed to say, "forget about it, sanchez -"
hey, i'm letting it go. but don't tell me it doesn't matter. every line matters.
don't fuck with my play!
it was better in rehearsals.
i'm so glad you could come.
i got punched in the face.
nah. the old man's on call tonight. mr. blume, i'd like you to meet miss cross, and i didn't catch this young gentleman's name.
i like your nurse's uniform, guy.
well, they're totally inappropriate for the occasion.
that's because you weren't invited.
what's wrong with that? i can write a hit play. why can't i have a drink when i want to unwind a little? so tell me, curly. how do you know miss cross?
what do you think you're doing?
no, you're not.
i just wanted to thank you again for accommodating us. we only expected to be a party of three, but somebody invited himself along. i apologize.
no i'm not. i'm just trying to figure out why you brought this gentleman to my play. and my dinner, which was invitation only.
would you like me to pass you the butter?
you hurt my feelings. this night was important to me.
i wrote a hit play!
how do you like that, curly?
did you see her?
well, see if she's in her classroom.
let's wait a few minutes.
coach beck. good to see you. this is where they're building the new aquarium. i'm in charge of the committee, if you can believe it.
i believe it's being relocated a few feet over.
yes, it's true. excuse me, george.
what's the story?
why?
hi, janet. it's max fischer.
i'm going anyway.
chop it down, mr. chandler! we've got an aquarium to build.
i don't give a shit about barracudas. but fuck it. i'm building it anyway.
nice to see you, dr. gugg-
dr. guggenheim, i'd rather not have this conversation in front of the crew.
i'm max fischer. i'm a former student of rushmore academy, which i recently got expelled from.
this is my first time in a public school. and i know you probably think i was born with a silverspoon in my mouth. but i'm no elitist. i think you've got some great facilities, and i'm really looking forward to making the best of it over here at grover cleveland.
one footnote: i noticed you don't have a fencing team. i'm going to start one up. let me know if you'd like to join. thanks.
are you insane?
yes?
how unfortunate.
glad to hear it. goodbye, miss chang.
janet. max fischer. is he in?
terrible. tell me something. when you talk to miss cross the other
what's that supposed to mean?
look, mr. blume. your comments are valuable, but let's get to the point. will she see me again? yes or no?
i'm going to go see her. hang on.
i'm talking on the telephone.
come on, man. that's rude.
i hope you fall out of that tree and get stick in the ass, buchan.
and what do you call getting a hand job from mrs. calloway in her jaguar?
you think i got kicked out for just the aquarium? nah. that ain't it. it was the hand job. and i'll tell you another thing. it was worth it. so eat your heard out, mick. i got business to attend to.
or do you want me to go?
i'm sorry i embarrassed you at dinner.
no, it's not. and please apologize to what's his name for me.
i'm fine. but i miss rushmore. i miss the seasons. and watching the leaves change.
i know. i miss seeing you.
by the way, what time does the library close? i got an overdue book to turn in.
that's your handwriting, isn't it?
not bad. except it's probably bad form for a teacher to write in a library book.
what do you mean?
so that's who that is. edward appleby.
i do? how?
what was that? a squirrel?
do you think we can be friends again, miss cross? in a strictly platonic way?
yeah. but i need a tutor.
thank you.
she's taking me to a field trip!
you'd take time out of your business to do that?
hi.
what was your name again?
are you free seventh period?
you can get out of it.
and bring a headshot.
how was she, herman?
was she good? i bet she was. although i wouldn't know cause i never screwed her.
sure, you didn't. and next you're going to tell me you didn't just walk out of her house at two o'clock in the morning.
well, i was in love with her first. and all that crap about, i don't think she's that great, i don't think she's right for you, max. that was all bullshit, wasn't it?
do you think she's in love with you?
well, i guarantee you she's not.
i saved latin!
what'd you ever do?
sic transit gloria, mr. blume.
thank you for meeting me.
would you like a sandwich?
i have tuna fish and i have peanut butter and jelly. i'm sorry it's not something more exotic.
milk or apple juice?
you want me to cut to the chase?
ok. as you know, mr. blume and i used to be friends.
well, i'm sure he does.
i know you don't really mean that.
from his perspective it's -
that's what i'm trying to tell you.
gladly. your husband's fucking a schoolteacher, pardon my french. i thought you should know.
i have no reason to want to hurt you.
that's correct.
thanks for bailing me out, dad. can you drop me off at rushmore? i got to go settle a score.
what are you doing? are you crazy?
wait a minute! stop!
let's have a truce for a second. i want to talk.
what's this all about?
who told you that goddamn lie?
never mind. i know who said it. and i'm going to stick a knife in his heart. and i'm going to send him back to ireland in a bodybag.
well, tell that stupid mick he just made my list of things to do today. i'm going to pop a cap in his ass.
did you receive the package?
good. i just wanted to inform you about what's going on.
you stupid old fool! i'm trying to win her back!
miss cross?
you need any help?
here. let me see.
you honestly believe you love blume instead of me?
you'll forgive me if i won't take your word for that.
let me go!
i got kicked out because of you!
rushmore was my life. now you are!
that's kind of a cheap way to put it, don't you think?
hello, magnus.
no, i haven't.
your mind is as warped as your ear, buchan.
we got him, dirk. we got him.
hi, mr. blume.
when?
oh. yeah. i was going to try and have that oak tree fall on you.
so long mr. blume.
like what?
pipe dreams dad. nothing but pipe dreams. i'm a barber's son.
what can i do for you?
we're closed.
max stops sweeping and looks over at dirk.
what in the hell is that?
ok. sit down.
i doubt it. i don't really follow the news anymore.
i'll send him a box of candy.
no, thanks.
i always thought i'd be the one to give him a stroke.
mrs. guggenheim?
should i say hello to dr. guggenheim? or can he not hear anything?
i just came to pay my respects.
you think he recognized me?
you look horrible.
you here to see guggenheim?
i'll ride up with you.
who gave you the shiner?
well, he really clocked you.
i don't blame them.
how is she?
why not?
she left you?
how come? i thought she loved you.
you mean edward appleby.
you've already got one going, mr. blume.
are you ok?
so sudden. i just -
so this is where it all happens?
i wouldn't know.
why'd you dump blume?
i know it's not. but i'm a little confused right now. i mean. i thought you dumped me for blume. then i hear -
but it doesn't make any sense. i -
because it would help me if you would talk to me for a minute. and tell me what happened.
i don't know.
he thinks you dumped him because of edward appleby.
i don't know. i mean. you live in this room.
with all his stuff. it's kind of --
one dead fingernail.
how'd he die?
she got cancer.
that wasn't a very satisfying conversation.
all right. goodbye, miss cross.
people hate me.
guggenheim tried to spit on me.
i'm sorry about what i said about your mother giving me a hand job. i just --
i'm awfully comfortable.
no. but it looks familiar.
do you know dirk calloway?
dirk, this is margaret yang.
i heard about your science fair project on action 13 the other day. they said the navy was going to buy it from you.
why not?
what do you mean?
why?
that's exactly the way i would have handled that situation.
but it's true.
yeah. nice to see you, too.
you set me up.
not bad, not bad. the child has become the father of the man.
we might have to get some hockey skates, dirk.
do me a favor, will you?
i'll take a rain check.
thanks for meeting me, mr. blume.
that's the perfect attendance awards and the punctuality award. i got those at rushmore. i thought you could choose which one you like more, and you could wear that one and i could wear the other.
come on. let's go inside.
sorry, i'm late. i want you to meet somebody.
how much are you worth, by the way?
over ten million?
good, good.
cause we're going to need all of it.
dammit, blume! how the hell did you ever get so rich? you're a quitter!
thanks.
sorry you couldn't make it to our little groundbreaking the other day. it's kind of a shame, since he's building it for you.
hm. me, neither. you think edward appleby would've built you one?
well, i gave it to my friend.
by the way, i still haven't fucked anybody yet. but i guess that's just the way it goes.
yes, please. and make the order out to ready demolition, tuscon.
make sure these don't get wet.
i'll see you at 3:15.
9without stopping)
hello, magnus. i'd have shot you in the other ear, but it got blown off a long time ago.
not so fast.
i owed you that one. now we're even.
i got a proposition for you.
i've got to hand it to you, magnus. you've got a way with words. you want to be in a play?
i'm not pissing with you.
nothing. i just think you're right for the part.
i know you did, mate.
i don't usually do this, but this play means a lot to me, and i wanted to make a dedication. so i'll just say that this play is dedicated to the memory of my mother, eloise fischer. and to edward appleby. a friend of a friend.
also you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs underneath your seats. please feel free to use them. thank you very much.
lock and load, surf boy!
how much time we got, wood?
bring me some more ketchup.
i want you to have something, sarge.
i won't be needing this anymore.
sic transit gloria, sir.
say a prayer for surf boy. wherever he is.
will you marry me, le-chahn?
thank you, mrs. yang. i actually wrote a different version of the play two years ago. but i couldn't get it done over at rushmore.
no. a kid got his finger blown off during rehearsals.
miss cross, this is my father bert fischer. he's a barber.
and, of course, you know mr. blume. i also want everyone to meet mr. and mrs. yang. and this is margaret.
you were incredible tonight, margaret. you were that poor girl.
that was totally improvised.
can i ask you a question?
can you do an australian accent?
i'm working on something that's set in the outback.
no, it's ok. he's my friend.
certainly. but let's see if we can get the dj to play something with a lithe ---
Rueben!