used to.
everybody there's going to be good, mom. i have to be better. my knees still knock when i do my free form. did you notice that?
it's not supposed to be fine. it's supposed to be special.
and it just lays there, it doesn't do anything. i bet they notice that. that it doesn't do anything. that i don't do anything special enough to get in.
don't lie because you love me. my free form sucks.
i love the necklace but you're still the best luck i'll ever have.
oh. it's a good luck charm. doesn't always work.
lindsay.  no. not here.
ellison -- mr. ellison. he actually told me to break a leg.
know what would be great? if you didn't drop me off at the bus station. if we just kept going until we get to philly.
right. this is the hardest, most important day of my life and all you can do is get there as soon as you can. thanks, mom.
so i guess i'll see you later.
swim? you can't swim, mom.
well, it's um, pretty self- explanatory. the theme.
thank you.
hi.
slept through most of it.
two suitcases. one big one.
i'm kinda tired.
uh-huh.
thought you were moving to fells point.
you bought a bed?
do you have a phone?
you didn't at the last place. the last place i saw anyway.
over the summer. you blew me off for some gig on the road, remember? can i call lindsay? let her know i got here alright.
i feel fine. i feel like calling lindsay.
i can take the school bus. tomorrow.
well, i know how to do both.
-- i don't think i'll have time. i have to study, i'll be busy.
like you stay on top of yours?
i didn't mean it like that.
you don't have to go in with me. since i'm all set. i mean, i have done this before. gone to school. i'll be fine. i am fine. really.
yeah. sure. whatever.
about school? no. not really.
i'm not gonna be here that long. besides, it's just a city, right?
thanks.
it's a non-fiction novel. the first of its kind. capote mixed true events with things he couldn't know, so he made them up.
yeah. that is part of it.
lots of people read them.
sara. it's sara.
god! thank you!
what's it called? what she's doing?
no, i mean.  the step, the.
asshole.
he's in one of my classes. thinks he's so.  smart. so cute.
so you know him?
he's embarrassing.
fine. tomorrow i catch the bus.
what?
i had a big lunch.
it's a school night, roy.
i know it's too big.
who died and made you teacher?
nothing's up with it. i used to kind of dance. ballet. mostly.
i don't know.
for what?
look closer. and if i still look green, i think maybe you should wipe the crust from your eyes.
i don't even know where it is.
that's okay. i dance in circles. probably around you.
chemistry.
right now it's taking me.
i'll be asleep.
cool outfit.
 i look okay?
hi.
is that.  is he.  yours?
chenille. she's ugly. she's fat!
wait. i have to ask you something. do i really look alright?
it's from the gap.
i'm not walking in there in my bra.
can't get much more underground than this.
what are you, some kind of v.i.p.?
sara. it's sara. and i know you. we have a class together.
maybe you came to the wrong spot, nikki. i'm pretty sure this one doesn't have any negroes.
rum and coke, straight up. and a beer. i don't care. anything.
it's just a beer.
whatever.
whatever you want it to mean. you're the whiz kid, right? you know everything.
i don't feel like dancing.
would i be here if i didn't?
it's just a few blocks. it's okay.
what?
i have to look somewhere. the streets are deserted. might as well look at you.
it's not a question. it's the way you were beating that kid up. you looked so mad.
not like that. you were really kicking his ass.
are you laughing at me?
maybe he's my question. your friend. chenille doesn't like him.
it was great.
it wasn't the music i wasn't used to. i mean, it's not the first time i heard hip-hop, patrick.
not all the time. but a lot.
we passed it.
thanks for walking me.
so. i'll see ya.
i haven't said gee-whiz since i was six. but i really had a great time.  okay?
oh.
you're right. i should've said something. i'm sorry.
nope. nothing special.
just adding to my collection. i heard some stuff i didn't have last night.
not as fly as you.
not yet anyway.
okay. sure.
not to me.
it was so.  slamming, lindsay. the dancing! i'm going again. what? no, i haven't seen anybody get shot yet. god, i didn't move to bosnia.
what happened?
how 'bout fuck it? or should i say fuck her? it's a fuck-fest, roy.
sorry you got caught.
really? how often do you have it?
i don't think it's realistic, what you're asking. things happen. things change. and the changes change you. what's the point of plans?
you can't direct destiny.
that was a long time ago.
i don't know. take a year off. work. go to college later on.
did you always want to be a doctor?
chenille. everybody.
what kind of doctor do you want to be?
do you have any? kids.
i wasn't being smart, patrick.
screw you. i'm brilliant.
i didn't get it. that thing you just did. show me again?
a releve. over ice. with a twist.
ballet. i used to dance, patrick.
uh-huh. used to as in don't any more. and don't ask me why.
because i don't want to talk about it.
because it's not a big deal. can we just concentrate on this?
i have met somebody. sort of. i think. i mean, there's this guy.
what are you doing?
yeah i liked it. i was gonna go to juilliard. that school fucked up my entire life. it's a long story.
why'd you do that?
that's a good reason.
you and malakai?
i don't get you guys. you seem so.  different.
maybe you weren't then but you are now. you said you changed.
i think malakai's scary. and i know you're not.
patrick.
that means you owe him something?
no matter how much he messes up?
i stole a hat once. when i was twelve. my mom found it under my mattress, made me take it back.
you gonna turn me in?
yeah. tight.  got along and shit
there's nothing to say.
i'm sorry she's dead. god! what do you want me to do? run through the streets screaming?
well, it won't. so drop it.
are you gonna tell me where we're going? why is the surprise for me? you're the one with something to celebrate.
i wanted to get you something and i couldn't figure out what. it's not much but i hope you like it.
wait. there's more.
we have an audience. work with me.
grab something.
i can't. i can't go in.
i know, but --
i did.
i'm sorry.
i don't want you to think i didn't have a good time tonight, patrick. i did. but ballet isn't a part of my life anymore.
how do you know i have talent? because i did some stupid leg trick.
maybe i don't want it to be real.
what i want is to wake up and see my mom. for things to go back to the way they were. when they made sense. when my life made sense. and it's all my fault. she got scraped off the highway for me, for my fucking audition. she was rushing. it was raining. it was raining.  .  but she promised to be there. i made her promise. and then i didn't wait for her. i should have but they called my name and i didn't say anything. i just went out and danced. i was mad. i needed her and she wasn't there.
she was dying while i was dancing and i was mad at her and i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
that's what makes it so bad. she always did what was right for me. i wanted to be a prima ballerina -- had to be. even if it took most of our money, all of her spare time. i didn't care. it was my stupid dream and it killed her. all she wanted was for it to come true.
i know.  but she.  i just don't think i can do it without her.
yeah. i do.
yeah. for my mom.
see you tomorrow?
it hurts! i'm out of shape and it hurts. okay? satisfied?
practice.
i don't get in shape like that. but it's still a good spot. i got my application for juilliard. just in time too. they're holding auditions in baltimore next month.
i'll never be ready in a month.
mojo?
you don't understand. ballet takes a lot of time, a lot of preparation. i used to practice two, three hours every day. i'm so far behind.
it's not as easy as that. my free form still sucks. it's still the weakest part of my routine. that hasn't changed.
you will?
let's skip. later.
standing where she can see but can't be seen from the dance floor. from a curtain of kids, malakai suddenly appears at her side. sara can't move. she's boxed in. malakai indicates nikki and patrick with slick satisfaction, whispers derisively:
what?
he's in d.c. blues alley. he'll be gone all night.
roy's demo. the only one he ever cut. kinda grows on you.
wanna see my room?
sorry.
excuse me?
whose motto?
don't forget, they all have big dicks and beat their wives. everybody knows that too.
i don't have a favorite.
i dunno. maybe cymbidiums -- orchids. they're sort of show- boaty but they're pretty.
agua.
mmm. mauve.
nut. what are you talking about?
why does he have to leave? we're all adults. right?
i hate being your daughter. you ruin everything.
you mean it because he's black.
why's it bullshit? because you hang with black guys and play jazz and have the hots for angela bassett?
keep telling yourself that. just don't expect me to believe it. i saw how you looked at him. but you didn't see him. well, for your information, he's a straight- a student with more heart and guts than you'll ever have!
want me to say it? you were a piece of shit husband and you're a piece of shit father! you were never there for mom or for me. you took off and never looked back. so don't talk to me about guts.
i have you figured out. you think you can make up all the time you missed, all the things you didn't do? you can't! i'm here because i have to be and it's a goddamned nightmare.
how the hell would you know? you've been asleep for the past thirty-seven years!
over? i don't even know why it started.  bitch. and don't say it's about patrick because it's not. it's not about him.
i like him, he likes me. and if you don't like that, screw you.
i got suspended. two days.
i'm not sure. i think it's some kind of black female thing.
it's alright. i'm okay.
look. it's not a good time. i'll see you later.  i'm okay.
want me to take him?
i'll get 'em.
no. i explained about nikki.
she started it, chenille. she wanted to start it. i told you what she said.
so you agree with her? you think i don't belong with patrick.
we like each other. what is the big fucking deal? it's him and me. not us and other 'people.'
there's only one world, chenille. i thought we were friends. guess i was wrong.
i gotta get home. ready?
fuck you.
we should keep going.
i know i messed up. i'll get it right the next time.
i can't work like this. i can't dance like this.
like this. you dictating to me.
nothing's wrong. i can't figure things out.
things, patrick. things between us. things between us and them.
well, open your pretty brown eyes, look the hell around.
everything's screwed up. nobody wants to see us together, not even chenille. i don't know why they feel that way. how can i know? maybe they have a point, patrick.
i'm just saying that we should think about this, that's all.
why are you getting mad?
you're never gonna run your own life as long as you keep running back to malakai every time he fucks up or fucks you over.
i know he's lost, patrick! everybody but you can see that. and if you keep reaching back for him, you're gonna wind up lost too.
they weren't rednecks!
the hell with you too!
hi.
toni, listen carefully. you're a simple bitch and you don't have any friends, black or white, because nobody likes a fucking asshole.
i was gonna tell you about the audition, roy. i meant to.
uh-huh. the big day.
you're not so bad. i didn't give you much to work with. it's not like i've been the perfect daughter.
i don't hate you. i miss her. i miss mom.  .  patrick's pissed at me. i'm pissed at him. he's not coming tomorrow and i want him there and i don't know what to do.
i wanted somebody there who loves me.
finishes with a flawless arabesque. looks out.
yes.  sir.  they have.  my music.
yes. emo.  emotion.
stands there. doesn't move. can't. she finally walks up to the edge of the stage. looks down at the judges, her eyes filled with trepidation. her voice is a shaky whisper.
i'm sorry. i wasn't ready. can you start it over again?
i'm ready.
thank you. very much.