i'm sure each of you have heard the rumors. and i'm here to tell you, the rumors are true. the aba will be merging with the nba at the end of this season.
our league is sold. and the nba agreed to all of our financial demands! now jackie turns inward, more quietly intense. this is, without question, the greatest moment of his life.
four of our teams will be absorbed into the nba family, the rest of you will terminate operations.
the nuggets, the nets, the spurs and the pacers will play in the nba next year. the rest of us will dissolve.
i'm sorry jackie. we all know how. emotional you get. we waited until the very last second to tell you. jackie pounds the table.
the nba is taking four teams, jackie, there's nothing i can do. jackie goes quiet, thinking.  an epic idea hits him.
what?
these four teams do have the best records. flint's only won six games all year!
this plan sounds like a lot of fun, but it's too late. the commissioner, me, has already decided.
hey jackie.
listen, my office has been getting your numbers. you claim you've had over two thousand people at every home game this month.
well, we've counted only nine hundred and eighty three here tonight.
don't bullshit me, jackie. the commish waves over a little bald man in a suit. peekskill carries a brief case and never talks.
from now on, peekskill here will be attending every tropics home game. you're going to have to get a real crowd here if you want to qualify for the merger.
jackie.
i need to talk to you.  and the rest of your team. alone.
i'm sorry, but even if you beat the spurs on friday, we just can't have an nba franchise in flint.
it's just not good business. flint isn't a big enough media market, okay? this stadium is small and, frankly, it needs to be torn down before someone gets hurt. i'm sorry but nobody ever thought you guys could ever get this far.
rules are rules.  until the expansion committee makes new rules. then those rules are the rules. everyone looks at each other. jackie's brain has slipped into a deep trance. he is no longer inside his body.
don't take this personally, jackie. these other teams have strong markets, new stadiums. it's just not going to happen for you flint boys. i'm sorry. the devastation of what is happening is palpable. nothing has ever hurt this bad before.
i know you're going to punch me, jackie. so let's just get it over with. the commissioner stands brave, eyes closed, chin out. jackie is too confused and devastated to hit anything. he stumbles out of the room like a zombie. the team follows. the commissioner opens his eyes. a long silent beat.
how did i get out of that one? suddenly kong darts in and squeezes the commissioner's balls with a kung fu grip.
ah!
you sit down! you're not playing with those idiots ever again. if you walk away from this bench now, you're never coming back. i'll see to it you never play in the nba! ever! do you understand what i'm saying to you, coffee?