who wants fruit salad?
that's not gum in your mouth, is it?
you know how i hate gum, misty. all that chomping and cheesing.
and who may i ask is carl?
cute is not enough, misty. you know that.
cereal anybody?
chip, honey?
that's nice.
we all have bad nights.
don't say the word "hate", honey. "hate" is a very serious word!
there. all better. anybody for scrambled eggs?
yes?
this is my son, chip. and my daughter, misty.
det. bradford, i'm sorry but we don't allow gum chewing in this house.
i know dottie!
oh god, really! this is the limit!
officers, i've never said the p-word out loud, much less written it down!
look officers! life doesn't have to be ugly. see the little birdie? listen to his call. peter pan! peter pan! peter pan!
chip, your ride is here.
good morning, birdie. this is detectives moore and bradford.
good morning scotty!
misty's date.
now there's something you should be interested in, detectives. a grown boy who doesn't wear his seat belts!
is this the cocksucker residence?
isn't this 4215 pussy way?
let me check the zip - 212 fuck you?
well, dottie, how come they're not here then, fuck-face?
i beg your pardon?
mrs. wilson from the telephone company. i understand you're having problems with obscene calls.
what exactly does this sick individual say to you?
i know it's hard but we need the exact words.
listen to your dirty mouth, you fucking whore!
cocksucker!
rosemary, honey. good morning. i'm fine. thanks for remembering.
just the damn cable tv company. you know how they are. did you hear about dottie hinkle?
who on earth would want to harrass poor dottie hinkle?
hi, betty. oh, i love your outfit.
you're soooo funny, ralph.
right here!
nice to meet you, mr. stubbins. a little something i baked.
bon appetit!
he's a good boy.
what is it, mr. stubbins?
he is assistant manager of a video shop.
certainly not!
no, he did not! we are a loving supportive family, mr. stubbins.
i don't know what it is about today, but i feel great!
you kids. now birdie, i want you to have a cookie and then run along home.
no "but mom" for you, young man. mr. stubbins seems to think these silly movies are interfering with your studies.
you forgot something.
yes you are.
bye, birdie. chip, honey. i know it's hard being a teenager but i understand.  i'm your mother and i love you.
can we watch that scene again? you know, where he rips out her heart? pleeease?
ladies and gentlemen, the perfect meatloaf!
misty, i made your favorite sesame broccoli.
misty, if you want to lose weight go ahead, but do it for yourself, not for some boy you barely know.
i'm happy too and we want you to be happy.
chip! you know how much i hate the brown word!
that's rosemary. something's wrong!
i'm not that bad a driver. look at her hair! turn it off, honey.
i've identified every little birdie we're going to watch tomorrow on the eastern shore.
don't i get a kiss?
we have to concentrate on life, eugene.
we can be real quiet.
you're not bad yourself, coo-coo bird.
oohhhh, eugene!
oooohhhh.
ooohhhh!
oooohhh! yeah! yeah!
yeah! oohhhh! get it!
oohhhhh! yeah! yeah!
there's dede! he's my favorite chickadee! he's here every morning for breakfast.
it's ok, eugene. i understand.  i'll go fix breakfast.
chip!!
time to get up, that's all. you'll be late for work.
honey, what's the matter?
don't say words unless you mean them, misty.
no, honey, it's the police. hello, officers.
a fine man. a good teacher.
what a mess.
no, honey, it's just scotty. scotty, who doesn't wear his seatbelts!
yes, i did.
from what i understand, the eye-witness is a drug user.
murder, honey.
people who don't mind their own business.
it's mrs. ackerman's magazine, honey. look at the subscription label if you don't believe me. i recycle my magazines.
"it's daybreak" if you want to believe it can be daybreak!"
don't forget me, boys! all rinsed and ready to recycle!
morning, gus. hello, sloppy. here you go. you work hard for the environment. a little drink never hurt anybody.
i've told her! it takes ninety to one hundred years for a tin can to decompose but she still won't recycle.
i hate mrs. ackerman.
for the sake of this planet, somebody just might!
just a half-a-cup. hello, dottie. i'm so sorry to hear of your troubles.
are those pussy-willows?
pussy-willows, dottie!
dottie! watch what you're doing!
dottie didn't mean to be a clumsy ox. she's sorry, aren't you, dottie?
and we're going right to the flea market to get another one! misty tells me there's a whole booth of franklin mint stuff. dottie, you lock up. i'll take care of poor rosemary!
damn these yellow-jackets! i hate 'em!
misty, lighten up. it's not the customer's fault carl stood you up!
did you find your franklin mint egg, rosemary darling?
you want me to keep that under the table for you?
misty, honey, look! i made a killing!
it's just not your day, is it rosemary?
ewwww! thank you, rosemary.
that's one-hundred fifty-eight dollars.
certainly.
0h, that's horrible, honey. i sold the pee-wee herman doll!!
you got your wish.
dinner's served!
amen to that. it's been a crazy day, hasn't it?!
does he? for a boy who doesn't wear seat belts, scotty's awfully nosy. excuse me a second.
". ain't no time to grieve and it's daybreak!!! let it shine, shine, shine, all around the world!!"
always brush after every meal!
"shout it out".
you'll pay for that, ralph sterner!!
anybody for dessert? m-m-m-m-m, strawberries!
it's a shame. but they should brush their teeth, honey.
oh, honey!
chip, the only cereal i know about is rice krispies.
who?
so that we may delight in thy will.
and walk in the ways to the glory.  . of thy name.
do you think i'll need a lawyer?
but, chip.
this is so silly.
"tomorrow!. tomorrow!. tomorrow! i love you.
wear your seatbelt! it's the law!!
give me your fucking van before i kill you!
hi! i know your mom.
excuse me. age before beauty.
sorry. the police are after me.
i guess i am.
thank you so much, you kind, kind creature.
excuse me. coming through.  bill flowers! you're underage!
just say no! and comb your hair, young lady!
buckle up, scotty!
hi, honey!
kids, did you do your homework?
hello, jury people. my name's beverly sutphin. i like your jacket!
i am not!
your honor, i have a motion. i would like to fire my attorney, and defend myself!
oh shut up, herbie! i have the right to defend myself, your honor. i've read the lawbooks! "ware vs. state, 1964", and "schutte vs. state, 1962".
not guilty, your honor!
mrs. hinkle. do you drink?
so you weren't drunk when you received those alleged obscene phonecalls?
you mean to tell me the day i came over to mrs. ackerman's. the day you claim you recognized my voice. you weren't drinking?
so you do drink?
so you admit you just lied?
let the record show i'm just standing here.
mrs. hinkle, are you insane?
thank you. detective bradford, if i was to look through your trash can, what reading material would i find?
well, this magazine was found in your trash just last night.  . it's called "chicks with dicks".
don't judge people by what they read, detective. your witness, mr. nazierod.
mrs. ackerman, when you left me at the flea-market, where did you go?
did carl padgett buy something you wanted?
carl padgett died for the franklin mint, didn't he?!
that was your people magazine with the letters cut out, wasn't it?
and those were your scissors found sticking out of mrs. sterner's stomach, weren't they?
mrs. ackerman, do you recycle?
the prosecution has proven nothing, your honor. the defense also rests!
look at me! i'm a normal person just like you are!
but i've been framed by the police.
and perjured against by the very people i thought were my friends.
all i ask is that you have the courage to find me innocent of these terribly untrue charges.
i'm coming home!!
i love you! thanks for coming! hi los angeles! hello cleveland! and you too, new york!
you can't wear white shoes after labor day!
oh yes it is! didn't your mother ever tell you?!
well, now you know!
no it hasn't!
right here, honey.
certainly.
but please. if i could just.
THAT'S MY BAD SIDE, FARRAH FAWCETT!!