ann?
graham dalton.
can i use your bathroom?
false alarm.
oh, no problem. it can wait.
yes. oh, you mean to bring in! no. yes, i have some other things, no, i don't need to bring them in. this is all i need to stay here.
have you ever been on television?
yes.
curious.
yeah, i guess it is. my mother is a complete anglophile, anything british makes her drool like a baby. she probably heard the name in some movie. she's a prisoner of public television now.
are you uncomfortable with my appearance?
oh. well, maybe i'm uncomfortable with my appearance. i feel a little out of place in these surroundings.
i used to take great pleasure in that, being purposefully different, rubbing people's noses in it. didn't you do that when you were younger?
oh. well, i did. i was in a band once, and the music was always secondary to just flat out offending as many people as possible.
no, i was in charge of kind of standing at the microphone and reciting these really depressing lyrics in a monotone. the whole thing was really .  irrelevant. how do you like being married?
what about it do you like? i'm not being critical, i'd really like to know.
yes. so you feel security, stability. like things are going to last awhile.
did you know that if you shut someone up in a room, and the only clock he has reference to runs two hours slow for every twenty-four, that his body will eventually adjust to that schedule? simply because the mind honestly perceives that twenty-six hours are twenty-four, the body follows. and then there are sections of time. your life can be broken down into the sections of time that formed your personality . for instance, when i was twelve, i had an eleven minute conversation with my father that to this day defines our relationship. now, i'm not saying that everything happened in that specific section of time, but the events of my childhood involving my father led up to, and then were crystallized in, that eleven minutes.
anyway, i think the mind is very flexible as far as time is concerned.
exactly. i would say the fact that you feel the first year of your marriage has gone by quickly means lots of things. or could mean lots of things.
nine years.
yes. i was surprised that he accepted when i asked if i could stay here until i found a place.
i knew him very well. we were extremely close until i dropped out.
oh, lots of reasons, most of them boring. but, up until i dropped out, john and i were. very much alike.
i would imagine that we are, now. i think i'm ready to use the bathroom, finally.
everybody has a past.
a bonfire, probably.
this food is excellent.
you have family here also?
sister older or younger?
are you close?
i'm sorry. am i prying again?
yes, this afternoon. i was grilling ann about your marriage this afternoon.
she held up very well.
so i was asking about your sister.
i don't know.
i wish i didn't have to live someplace.
well, see, right now i have this one key, and i really like that. everything i own is in my car. if i get an apartment, that's two keys. if i get a job, maybe i have to open and close once in awhile, that's more keys. or i buy some stuff and i m worried about getting ripped off, so i get some locks, and that's more keys. i just really like having the one key. it's clean, you know?
i like having the car, the car is important.
or go someplace in a hurry.
do i pay taxes? of course i pay taxes, only a liar doesn't pay taxes, i'm not a liar. a liar is the second lowest form of human being.
lawyers.
no.
it'll just be me.
no. you said three-fifty?
will you lease month-to-month?
how about for five hundred?
how do you mean?
yeah, i know. i mean, i'm not saying i know people think you're a bitch, i'm saying i know what you mean. and i don't even know that people think you're a bitch. do they?
hmm. well, maybe you are. really, i wouldn't pay much attention.
i know that i just don't feel a connection with very many people, so i don't waste time with people i don't feel one with.
it's up to you. but i warn you, if you tell me something personal, i might do the same.
i think so. i remember reading somewhere that men learn to love what they're attracted to, whereas women become more and more attracted to the person they love.
so what about kids?
do you want them?
why is that?
do you want me to?
agreed.
i'm impotent.
impotent.
well, let me put it this way: i cannot achieve an erection while in the presence of another person. so, for all practical purposes, i am impotent.
not usually. i mean, honestly, i haven't known many guys that could think straight with an erection, so i feel i'm way ahead of the game as far as being clear-headed goes.
i am self-conscious, but not in the same way that you are. you have got to be the most attractive self-conscious person i've ever seen.
well, i've been watching you. i've watched you eat, i've watched you speak, i've watched the way you move, and i see somebody who is extremely conscious of being looked at. i think you really believe that people are looking at you all the time. and you know what?
they are looking at you. ann, you are truly breathtaking. i don't know if you understand how your appearance can affect people. men want to possess you, women wish they looked like you. and those that don't or can't resent you. and the fact that you're a nice person just makes it worse.
you're in therapy?
hah! no, i'm not. actually, i used to be, but the therapist i had was really ineffectual in helping me deal with my problems. of course, i lied to him constantly, so i guess i can't hold him totally responsible.
i believe in it for some people. i mean, for me it was silly, i was confused going in. so i just formed my own personal theory that you should never take advice from someone of the opposite sex that doesn't know you intimately.
you had sex with you therapist?
oh, see, i meant someone you've had sex with. that's part of the theory.
well, i wasn't always impotent.
basically, yes.
that's correct. bit of a dilemma, isn't it?
it's open.
ann. hello.
nothing i can't finish later.
not much to see, i'm afraid. i'm sort of cultivating a minimalist vibe.
i do read a lot. but i check everything out of the library.
cheaper that way. and cuts down on the clutter.
videotapes.
it's a personal project i'm working on.
oh, just a personal project like anyone else's personal project. mine's just a little more personal.
donna?
donna was a girl i knew in florida.
not really.
because i enjoy interviewing women more than men.
yes.
no.
because i promised each subject that no one would look at the tape except me.
the. interviews are about sex, ann.
yes.
everything about sex.
like what they've done, what they do, what they don't do, what they want to do but are afraid to ask for, what they won't do even if asked. anything i can think of.
yes.
mostly. sometimes they do things.
no, not to me, for me, for the camera.
i'm sorry this came up.
maybe you want to go.
it's open.
who are you?
do i know you?
the extrovert.
she called you that, too. may i ask why you re here?
i just want to know why you're here.
no, i really can't. i find it healthy never to characterize people i don't know or conversations i haven't heard. i don't know what you and your sister discussed about me or anything else. last time i saw ann she left here very. confused, i would say. and upset.
and are you here to berate me for making her that way?
she didn't tell you why she was upset?
she didn't give you my address?
how did you find me?
i don't understand. why did you want to come here? i mean, i can't imagine ann painted a very flattering portrait of me.
nope. i think the man is a liar.
spooked.
that box of tapes is what got ann so "spooked".
what do you get?
not exactly.
why don't you let me tape you?
talking.
sex. your sexual history, your sexual preferences.
nothing.
i just want to ask you questions.
that's all.
yes.
absolutely not. they are for my private use only.
i turn on the camera. you start talking.
yes.
that depends on you. one woman only used three minutes. another filled up three two hour tapes.
no.
whichever you prefer.
just a moment.
i am now recording. tell me your name.
describe for me your first sexual experience.
your first sexual experience.
was it ever a topic of conversation between the two of you afterward?
how unfortunate. so when did you finally get to see a penis?
live, or in a photograph or film of some sort?
what did you think? did it look like you expected?
were you disappointed?
what about when you touched it? what did you expect it to feel like, and then what did it really feel like?
what did he say?
then what happened?
if you wish. you're not wearing any underwear.
yes.
yes.
different.
is that what he tells you?
it s open.
hello.
okay.
no.
i never do more than one. i'm sorry.
no. you'll have to get somebody else.
i'm sure a substantial number of men in this town would volunteer.
ouch. okay, i deserved that. cynthia, don't you understand? after the first time it's just not spontaneous. there's no edge anymore. look at the tapes, there is only one date on each label. i have never taped anyone twice.
no.
i would.
cynthia, i don't know.
i'm sorry. i can't do it.
no.
no!! i told you what the parameters were and you agreed. it's my tape. i look at it, i touch it, nobody else.
please go, i'd like you to go now.
it's open!
it's bottled, not tap.
i know.
i know.
yes.
she said it on her tape.
ann, when would i have told you? we were not speaking, if you recall.
but even if we had been speaking, i wouldn't have told you.
it's not my place to tell you these things, ann. you have to find out by yourself or from john directly. you have to trust me on this.
do you think that's such a good idea?
yes. but i sense the element of revenge here.
i want you to be aware of what you're doing and why, because i know that this is not the sort of thing you would do in a normal frame of mind.
that's a good question.
load a new tape, turn the camera on.
i have money.
it won't. are you ready?
tell me your name.
hi, john.
what tapes?
john, as a lawyer, you should know that those tapes are private property.
she's not property, john, she's a person. were you just going to keep right on lying to her?
god, you need help.
no.
no.
no.
get away from those!! they belong to me!!
my keys?
i'm not going to give you my keys.
tell me your name.
you are married, correct?
who usually initiates sex?
do you talk to him?
yes.
does he go down on you?
i would.
have you ever wanted to make love to someone other than your husband?
you're hesitating. i think that means you have.
it's a simple question. have you ever thought of having--making love with someone other than your husband?
absolutely not.
did you have sex before you were married?
did the person you made love with satisfy you more than your husband?
and you have thought about. making love to that person again since you ve been married?
at some level, i don't understand your nervousness. have you decided to leave john?
then as far as this taping goes, you have nothing to worry about.
do you want me to stop?
are there people other than your previous lover that you have fantasized about?
why?
you're not like your sister. you couldn't be like her if you wanted to.
so you do fantasize?
about who?
about me?
i thought i made that clear before, when i said i would go down on you.
yes.
no.
no.
if i can't do it all, i don't want to do anything. and i can't do it all.
can't.
that's correct.
yes.
her name was elizabeth.
no, it was wonderful. that wasn't the problem.
the problem was me. i was. i was a pathological liar. or am, i should say. lying is like alcoholism, one is always "recovering".
yes. i did. willfully and repeatedly.
i loved her for how good she made me feel, and i hated her for how good she made me feel. and at that time, i tended to express my feelings non-verbally. i couldn't handle anyone having that much control over my emotions.
now i make sure that no one has the opportunity to test me.
how could i, with all these nice people stopping by? the fact is that i've lived by myself for so long, i can't imagine living with another person. it's amazing what you can get used to if enough time goes by. and anyway, i'm asking the questions. are you happy?
did you confront john with the fact that you knew about him?
if you do get out of your marriage, will you continue to be inhibited?
subtlety?
and you feel the same way with john?
interesting analogy.
no, you're not.
you should be. he lied to you. so did cynthia.
i'm not planning on it.
i'm not in love with you.
i. i can't answer that precisely.
that's very flattering.
ann. are you asking me hypothetically, or are you asking me for real, right now?
i can't.
i've told you.
ann, it could happen to me all over again, don't you see? i could start to--
i couldn't face her if i had slept with somebody else.
yes.
no.
i don't know. possibly.
not entirely.
yes.
possibly.
i don't know.
i don't know. i really would rather not talk about it.
as i said, i haven't decided what to do, exactly. perhaps i won't do anything.
all right, you want to talk about lies, let's talk about lies, ann. let's talk about lying to yourself. you haven't been able to sleep with your husband because you're no longer in love with him, and maybe you never were. you haven't been honest with yourself in longer than you can remember.
don't do that.
because.
i can't tell you like this.
i don't find this "turning the tables" thing very interesting--
all right!! all right!! you want to know? you want to know how i feel? i feel ashamed. is that what you wanted to hear?
jesus christ, ann. why is anybody anything? i think you have this idea that people are either all good or all bad, and you don't allow for any gray areas, and that's what most of us consist of.
well, what kind of answer are you looking for, ann? what is it exactly that you want to know?
and i'm telling you it's not any one thing that i can point to and say "that's why!" it doesn't work that way with people who have problems, ann, it's not that neat, it's not that tidy! it's not a series of little boxes that you can line up and count. things just don't happen that way.
no, ann, i can't. i can't forget it. it's not something i can fix. it's difficult. there s something in my mind. the way my brain works.  [frustrated) god, ann, when you're with another person, and you re. inside them, you're so vulnerable, you're revealing so much. there's no protection. and. somebody could say, or do something to you while you re in this. state of. nakedness. and they could hurt you without even knowing it. in a way that you couldn't even see. and you would withdraw. to make sure it didn't happen again.
no.
i'm okay. it's okay.
it's okay.
who is it?