well, technically you're not a king.
what i mean is you're not a king yet. but you can become one. all you have to do is marry a princess.
so, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. and here they are! bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. she likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. please welcome cinderella. bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. come on. give it up for snow white! and last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! but don't let that cool you off. she's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. yours for the rescuing, princess fiona! so will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?
lord farquaad, you've chosen princess fiona.
but i probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
yes, but after sunset.
hmph.