the fuck.
yeah?
why?
yeah, hold on.
fuck!
yeah, no, i know i said i'd be there by noon, but there's been all this work going on at my building, and it's like a total nightmare, and i had a bunch of stuff to deal with this morning. but i'm on my way. i'm out the door right this second. it's going to be great. yeah. bye.
hey, simon. triple espresso, please.
no, i'm running late. make it to go. and give me a new york times and.  . a spinach croissant.
hi, everybody.
i had to bribe them.
seriously though, the freeway was unbelievable today. unbelievable. bumper to bumper the whole way. people getting an early start on the weekend, i guess. granted i got a late start, but still.
yeah, well, it's not exactly finalized yet, but, um, there has been some interest and --
no, it's a novel. fiction. although there's a lot from my own life, so i guess technically some of it is non- fiction.
i like them both, but if pressed i'd have to say i prefer the dark.
i can't help the traffic.
okay, there was a tasting last night. but i wanted to get us some stuff for the ride up. check out the box.
why did you tell them my book was being published?
no, i didn't. what i said was that my agent had heard there was some interest at conundrum.
and that one of the editors was passing it up to a senior editor. she was supposed to hear something this week, but now it's next week, and.  it's always like this. it's always a fucking waiting game. i've been through it too many times already.
it's a long shot, all right? and conundrum is just a small specialty press anyway. i'm not getting my hopes up. i've stopped caring. that's it. i've stopped caring.
don't open that now. it's warm.
that's a 1992 byron. it's really rare. don't open it now. i've been saving it!
for christ's sake, jack! you just wasted like half of it!
yes. absolutely. despite your crass behavior, i'm really glad we're finally getting this time together.
you know how long i've been begging to take you on the wine tour. i was beginning to think it was never going to happen.
100% pinot noir. single vineyard. they don't even make it anymore.
jesus. don't ask questions like that up in the wine country. they'll think you're a moron.
color in the red wines comes from the skins. this juice is free run, so there's no skin contact in the fermentation, ergo no color.
did you read the latest draft, by the way?
and?
how about the new ending? did you like that?
there is no new ending. page 750 on is exactly the same.
tony levin? why did you fucking invite tony levin?
i've just got to make one quick stop. won't take a second.
i thought we could just say a quick hello to my mother.
it's her birthday tomorrow. and i don't feel right driving by her house and not stopping in, okay? it'll just take a second. she's right off the freeway.
um.  seventy.  something.
wait a second.
a famous actor who's getting married next week.
yeah, i'm hungry.
just a snack. calm down.
let me show you something. the secret to opening champagne is that once the cork is released, you keep pressure on it so you don't --
it was a surprise, mom.
you talked to wendy?
yeah, well. you know, jack's pretty eager to get up to.  you know, but, uh, yeah. we'll see how it goes.
uh-huh. i'll be right back.
six, seven, eight,.  nine.
this saturday, mom, remember? we told you.
i just got divorced. phyllis.
i'm fine.
jack. jack.
she'll wake up.
she's a kid, jack. i don't even look at that stuff anymore.
as if she'd even be attracted to guys like us in the first place.
it's not worth it. you pay too big a price. it's never free.
i'd rather have a knife.
i'm working on it.
i went on monday. but i spent most of the time helping him with his computer.
and lexapro, yes.
jack. this week is not about me. it's about you. i'm going to show you a good time. we're going to drink a lot of good wine, play some golf, eat some great food, enjoy the scenery and send you off in style.
you know what? let's take the santa rosa turnoff and hit sanford first.
these guys make top-notch pinot and chardonnay. one of the best producers in santa barbara county. look how beautiful this view is. what a day!
i like all varietals. i just don't generally like the way they manipulate chardonnay in california -- too much oak and secondary malolactic fermentation.
jesus, what a day! isn't it gorgeous? and the ocean's just right over that ridge. see, the reason this region's great for pinot is that the cold air off the pacific flows in at night through these transverse valleys and cools down the berries. pinot's a very thin-skinned grape and doesn't like heat or humidity.
thanks, jack. so do i. here we are.
so what'd you guys finally decide on for the menu?
yeah, but how are they making the salmon? poached with a yogurt-dill sauce? teriyaki? curry?
oh, jesus. look, at some point we have to find out because it's going to make a big difference.
doesn't have to be now. let's go taste.
now we're talking.
here he is. jack, chris. chris, jack.
good, yeah, it is a rose. only this one is rather atypically made from 100% pinot noir.
let me show you.
first take your glass and examine the wine against the light. you're looking at color and clarity.
depends on the varietal. just get a sense of it. thick? thin? watery? syrupy? inky? amber, whatever.
now tip it. what you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins toward the rim. tells you how old it is, among other things, usually more important with reds. this is a very young wine, so it's going to retain its color pretty solidly. now stick your nose in it.
don't be shy. get your nose in there.
what do you smell?
there's not much there yet, but you can still find.  . a little citrus.  maybe some strawberry.  passion fruit.  and there's even a hint of like asparagus.  or like a nutty edam cheese.
now set your glass down and get some air into it.
oxygenating it opens it up, unlocks the aroma and the flavors. very important. now we smell again.
that's what you do with every one.
now.
usually they start you on the wines with learning disabilities, but this one's pretty damn good. this is the new one, right, chris?
nice job.
yeah, that would be a good move.
are you chewing gum?
hey jack, hurry up!
it's not even a mile.
not with the wine list these people have. we don't want to hold back.
whoa.
well, you waited for good reason, and you proposed to christine for some good reason. so i think it's great. it's time. you've got to have your eyes open, that's all. i mean, look at me. i thought victoria and i were set for life.
so you're going to stop acting?
uh-huh.
if that's what feels right.
then it's a good thing.
gary.
soon, soon. say, this is my buddy jack. he's getting married next week.
what are you pouring tonight?
absolutement. they have their own label that's just outstanding.
tight as a nun's asshole but qood concentration. nice fruit.
pour us a couple.
it's going to be great. here's to us.
oh, yeah. that's maya.
sure i know maya.
jack, this is where i eat when i come up here. it's practically my office. and sometimes i have a drink with the employees. maya's great. she's worked here about a year, maybe a year and a half.
and very nice. and very married. check out the rock.
this gal's married to i think a philosophy professor at uc santa barbara.
you don't know anything about this woman. calm down. let's just eat, okay? the duck is excellent and pairs nicely with the highliner pinot.
maya, how are you?
oh, no, actually. busy night.
you know it. this is my friend jack. jack, maya.
well, she does know a lot about wine.
and she likes pinot.
jack, she's a fucking waitress in buellton. how would that ever work?
she works for tips!
i also recommend the ostrich. very lean. locally raised.
looks like he's thinking about something. then --
i hate tony levin.
you want to join us?
i finished it.
he is.
we're pretty wiped. probably go back to the hotel and crash.
the windmill.
see you.
well, i'm tired. aren't you tired?
now i've got another lie to live down. thanks, jack.
didn't seem to me like that's what was going on. you were all over her.
how do you know?
shut up.
have you no shame?
fuck you.
shut the fuck up!
so what're we going to have? pigs in a blanket? the "rancher's special breakfast"? or maybe just some grease and fat with a side of lard?
we head north, begin the grape tour up there, make our way south so the more we drink the closer we get to the motel.
what's your problem?
what is it?
ooooh, now the cards are on the table.
sure, big guy. whatever you say. it's your party. i'm sorry i'm in the way and dragging you down. maybe you'd have a better time on your own. you take the car. i'll catch the train back.
oatmeal, one poached egg, and rye toast. dry.
how much skin and stem contact?
huh. that explains all the tannins. and how long in oak?
french or american?
good stuff.
nice, huh?
victoria and i used to like this view. once we had a picnic here and drank a '95 opus one. with smoked salmon and artichokes, but we didn't care.
she has the best palate of any woman i've ever known. she could even differentiate italian wines.
i know. you told me. i'm okay with it.
she what? when?
to that guy? that guy with the restaurant.
i want to go home now.
is she bringing him to the wedding?
you drop this bombshell on me. why didn't you tell me before?
i'm going to be a fucking pariah. everyone's just going to be holding their breath to see if i'm going to get drunk and make a scene. plus tony fucking levin?
you've all been talking about it? behind my back? talking about it?
you gotta excuse him. yesterday he didn't know pinot noir from film noir.
i'm trying to teach my friend here some basics about wine over the next few days before he goes off and --
quaffable but far from transcendent.
well, i've come to never expect greatness from a cab franc, and this one's no exception. sort of a flabby, overripe --
could we move on to the syrah, please?
do you know how often these pourers get hit on?
you have the keys.
what?
with maya?
well, she is cute.
nah. i want to watch this.
so what should i wear?
oh yeah? how exciting. what's it called?
aye-aye, captain.
if anyone orders merlot, i'm leaving. i am not drinking any fucking merlot!
okay! fuck!
what are you drinking?
oh yeah? how is it?
nice. very nice.
on a sauvignon blanc?
this is good. little hints of clove.
nope. you ladies choose.
exactement!
that's what i'm having.
victoria.
victoria! how the hell are you?
heard you got remarried! congratulations. didn't think you had the stomach for another go-round.
just some local pinot, you know, then a little burgundy. that old cotes de beaune!
a little place in los olivos. new owners. cozy ambiance. excellent food too -- you should try it. thought of you at the hitching post last night.
hello?
i just wanted you to know i've decided not to go to the wedding, so in case you were dreading some uncomfortable, you know, run-in or something, well, worry no more. you won't see me there. my wedding gift to you and what's- his-name. what is his name?
ken.
well, i'm not coming, barbie. so you guys have fun.
you see, vicki, i just heard about this today, you getting married that is, and i was kind of taken aback. kind of hard to believe.
i guess i just thought there was still some hope for us somewhere down the road and i just, i just --
whatever you say, vicki. you're the boss.
fine. just slipped. this is my blood.
that's okay.
i'm fine!
bathroom.
let's just say i'm uncomfortable with the whole scenario.
shut up. shut your face.
should we get dessert?
you sure you want to do this?
hi.
she got anything good?
she has a richebourg? mon dieu. i have completely underestimated stephanie.
not much of a collection really. i haven't had the wallet for that, so i sort of live bottle to bottle. but i've got a couple things i'm saving. i guess the star would be a 1961 cheval blanc.
yeah, i know.
i don't know. special occasion. with the right person. it was supposed to be for my tenth wedding anniversary.
how long have you been into wine?
what was the bottle that did it?
wow. we gotta give it a moment, but this is tasty. really good. how about you?
yeah, i'd say you're right on the money.
is this stephanie's kid? sure is cute.
is she sleeping or?
who me? nah, i'd just fuck them up. that was the one unpolluted part of my divorce -- no kids.
yeah, i know. it's kind of weird. out of context.
yeah. definitely.
well, it's a little difficult to summarize. it begins as a first-person account of a guy taking care of his father after a stroke. kind of based on personal experience, but only loosely.
"the day after yesterday."
um.  yeah but it's more.
mrnmm, yeah.  but not really. it shifts around a lot. like you also start to see everything from the point of view of the father. and some other stuff happens, some parallel narrative, and then it evolves -- or devolves -- into a kind of a robbe-grillet mystery -- you know, with no real resolution.
yeah. thanks.
a paper?
horticulture? wow. i didn't know there was a college here.
so.  you want to work for a winery or something someday?
i do have a copy of the manuscript in the car. it's not fully proofed, but if you're okay with a few typos.
my palate's kind of shot, but from what i can tell, i'd dub it pretty damn good.
sure.
i don't know. it's a hard grape to grow. as you know. it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. it's not a survivor like cabernet that can grow anywhere and thrive even when neglected. pinot needs constant care and attention and in fact can only grow in specific little tucked- away corners of the world. and only the most patient and nurturing growers can do it really, can tap into pinot's most fragile, delicate qualities. only when someone has taken the time to truly understand its potential can pinot be coaxed into its fullest expression. and when that happens, its flavors are the most haunting and brilliant and subtle and thrilling and ancient on the planet.
i mean, cabernets can be powerful and exalting, but they seem prosaic to me for some reason. by comparison. how about you?
i don't know. why are you into wine?
yeah? like what?
bathroom over there?
you are such a loser. come on!
got it.
good. so did i.
um.  did you still want to read my novel?
hope you like it. feel free to stop reading at any time. i'll take no offense.
well, i'm glad you got it out of your system. congratulations. mission accomplished.
returns the wave and goes back inside.
you didn't invite stephanie to come with us, did you?
we were supposed to play golf.
count me out.
yeah, well, maybe you should check your messages first.
she's been leaving messages here too.
you should call her.
right now.
yeah. good food. you've got quite a wine collection. very impressive.
he had to make a phone call.
just kickin' back, i guess. i don't know. jack and i were supposed to go golfing.
yeah, i reserved the tee time about a month ago.
you golf?
huh. jack loves golf. crazy about it.
what'd christine say?
yep.
where is stephanie?
what the fuck are you doing?
with this chick.
does she know about saturday?
besides what?
what?
oh, you've been thinking. and?
deep.
understanding of what?
in love? twenty-four hours with some wine-pourer chick and you think you're in love? and give up everything?
yes i have, and do i look like a happy man? was all that drama with brenda a happy thing for me to do? huh? was it? is she a part of my life now?
and what about stephanie? she's a woman -- with a kid. a single mom. what do you think she's looking for? huh?
you're crazy. you've gone crazy.
what? of course i like christine.
that was three years ago after that first party!
where?
sure, whatever. maybe i'll catch a movie.
bye, stephanie. bye, siena, caryl.
yeah.
and could i get a barely leqal?
no, um, the new one.
you know me. i love it up here. how about you?
highliner.
bottle.
say, is maya working?
oh, that's tasty.
i'm good.
that's a public course. no stephanie?
nope.
can you give me some room here?
thanks, jack.
you're an asshole.
nope.
could be anything.
obsessively.
they probably think my book is such a piece of shit that it's not even worthy of a response. i guess i'll just have to learn how to kiss off three years of my life.
shut up.
shut up! shut up! shut up! what's the matter with you, man? shut up!
what is it?
huh. let me see the label.
fucker hit into us.
throw me his ball.
i don't want to talk about it.
is what the money thing?
well, yeah, that's part of it. woman finds out how i live, that i'm not a published author, that i'm a liar essentially, then yeah, any interest is gonna evaporate real quick. if you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game. you're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir.
slaughterhouse.
what's happening?
what exactly are we going to do?
you have to tell me --
okay.
oh, yeah. no. i mean yeah, i stopped by for a drink. didn't see you.
well, nice to see you now.
he wrote a great one on burgundy, and i used to get his newsletter, but then there were doubts about whether he does all his own tasting. plus a couple of times he declared certain years vintages of the century, and they turned out to be turkeys. fucker never retracted.
great. what's the latest we can get there?
okay.
no, we've got to get back friday for the rehearsal dinner.
of course i was. i mean, just now i could have made up some story, but i didn't. i told you the truth.
maya.
i've told him. i've told him over and over, but he's out of control.
he's an actor, so it can't be good.
i'm sure he believed every word.
please believe me. i was even on the verge of telling you last night, but.
oh, maya. no.
and i haven't been with anyone since my divorce. this has been a big deal for me, maya -- hanging out with you, and last night. i really like you, maya. and i'm not jack. i'm just his.  his freshman roommate from san diego state.
put me down, jack.
i said put me down. jack!
no.
it's private.
let's leave it alone.
just stop, okay? make something up, and that's what happened. whatever you want. write my confession, and i'll sign it. just stop pushing me all the time! i can't take it! you're an infant! this is all a big party for you, but not for me! this is serious. and you -- just.  leave me alone, okay? you're fucking me up.
shut up! shut up, jack!
don't answer it.
i'm telling you, don't.
this whole week has gone sour. it isn't turning out like it was supposed to. i want to go home.
we gotta slow down. i'm so tired. let's just get out of here.
do you like them?
are they too sporty?
yeah, it's frass canyon. it's a joke.
i don't have to.
tastes like the back of a fucking la schoolbus. probably didn't de-stem, hoping for some semblance of concentration, crushed it up with leaves and mice, wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine mouthwash bullshit. fucking raid.
let me use your phone.
i can't take it anymore. i've got to call evelyn.
hi, it's miles.
hey, evelyn, it's your favorite client.
good, good. drinking some good wines and kicking back, you know. so what's happening? still no word?
and?
huh.
yeah, i'm here.
so i guess that's it.
hit me again.
pour me a full glass. i'll pay for it.
just give me a full goddamn pour.
i told you i need a drink.
no, i'm finished. i'm not a writer. i'm a middle-school english teacher. i'm going to spend the rest of my life grading essays and reading the works of others. it's okay. i like books. the world doesn't give a shit what i have to say. i'm unnecessary. i'm so insignificant, i can't even kill myself.
you know -- hemingway, sexton, woolf, plath, delmore schwartz. you can't kill yourself before you've even been published.
thanks.
half my life is over, and i have nothing to show for it. i'm a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. i'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage.
neither could i. i think it's bukowski.
stephanie! stop!
aren't you glad you didn't move up here and marry her?
no, i did not. must have been gary at the hitching post. i think we mentioned it to him the first night.
keep it elevated.
it's miles. listen, i don't know if you even care, but i had to call and tell you again how much i enjoyed our time together and how sorry i am things turned out the way they did. i think you're great, maya -- always have. from the first time you waited on me. and while i'm at it, i guess you should know that my book is not getting published. i thought this one had a chance, but i was wrong. again. don't bother reading it -- you've got better things to do. so you see i'm not much of a writer. i'm not anything really. the only real talent i seem to have is for disappointing people and now you know that firsthand. we're leaving in the morning, and i want you to know that i take with me wonderful memories of you. i'm sorry. i'm really sorry.
well?
good thing you have a voice-over career.
that's thoughtful.
take a couple of these, and you'll learn to love it.
two for you. and two for me.
huh. let me think.
sure i'm sure. and just what are you implying? i'm really pissed off at you about all this, if you want to know the truth. what's maya going to think of me now just for associating with you? you're the one who's sabotaging me, not the other way around, pal. not by a longshot.
looks like you were in a bad car accident.
what's that?
uh-huh.
i don't know. i wouldn't know.
could you tell me where the bathroom is?
you're joking, right? what are you doing? un-fucking- believeable. can we just go back to the hotel and hang out and get up early and play nine holes before we head home?
what?
jesus, jack. jesus. and you walked all the way back from solvang?
that's five clicks, jackson.
what?
big deal. we'll call right now and cancel your cards.
okay, so they were in your wallet, and you left your wallet somewhere. some bar. christine'll understand.
no way. no way.
forget it. your wallet was stolen at a bar. happens every day.
she tell you she was married?
so what the fuck were you thinking?
cutting it a little close, don't you think? so how was she? compared to stephanie, say.
so what's the plan?
me?
uh, excuse me, sir, but my friend was the one balling your wife a couple hours ago, and he seems to have left his wallet behind, and we were wondering.
hold on.
open up! jesus! open the goddamn door!
hey, jack. jack.
that was quite a day yesterday.
quite a week.
no, i'm okay.
somehow i don't think inviting maya to your wedding is the right move. in fact, after your bullshit, it's going to be hard for me to even go to the hitching post again.
i'm fine. you rest.
what's wrong?
what the fuck!
what the fuck!
look at this!
oh, no. oh, christ. no, you don't.
you broke some.
no, not whatever. you fucking derelict.
oh, fuck!
well. that about does it.
uh-uh. you're on your own.
yeah.
back at you.
yeah. hey, why wasn't i injured?
hi, vicki. you look beautiful.
hi. how you doing? you're a lucky guy.
ken.
that was big of him.
that's great.
since the last time we spoke? i don't know. could be better. could be worse.
universally rejected. strike three.
back to the drawing board, i guess. or not. so.  you're married. congratulations. you look happy.
seems like everyone's getting married. a year ago it was all divorces. now it's all weddings. cyclical, i guess.
well, let's go have some champagne, shall we? toast all the newlyweds.
you quit drinking?
oh. huh. well.  congratulations again, vicki. that's wonderful news.
yeah.
hrnrnrn? no, we'll pick up there on monday.