it's an unlicensed boxing match tommy, not a tickling competition. these lads are out to hurt each other.
what do i look like to you george, a fuckin water boy? turkish looks at the water boy.
oi son, look lively.
look at it.
how am i supposed to run this thing from that? we gonna need a proper office. he looks at the caravan again and sighs, it is quite pitiful
i want a new one tommy and you 're going to buy it for me.
oh nothing tommy, it's tip top, it's just i am not sure about the colour. he passes him a piece of paper
here it's all arranged. you just gotta pick it up. here's an address. tommy looks at the address and frowns.
that's right, you're buying a caravan, caravans live in campsites.
i don't know what they are, all i know is they have a caravan, and we want a caravan.
you're a sensitive boy, ain't you tommy? you got ten grand and i want to see change. he is distracted by the bulge in tommy's trouser front.
fuck me, hold tight, what's that?
no tommy, there's a gun in your trousers. what is a gun doing in your trousers?
protection from what, the germans? the war ended fifty years ago. err what's to stop it blowing your balls off every time you sit down? where did you get it? looking down onto his gun.
you mean boris the sneaky fucking russian. turkish pulls the gun out of tommy's front.
i t ' s a bit heavy isn't it?
what were you thinking of? why the fuck did you put gorgeous george into a bare knuckle boxing match two days before he had to fight the bomber?
you put the man into a bare knuckle boxing match. he raises his voice
what the fuck did you expect? a grease down and a shiatsu?
you took the fuckin jam out of my donut tommy, you did.
tell me the correlation between a hospitalized boxer and a good deal? pause there is no correlation as tommy knows.
how are we going to explain to brick top that his fight isn't going to . happen?
oh what, and hope he doesn't notice? and who the fuck are we going to replace him with?
you're not exactly mr current affairs, are you tommy? mad fist went mad, and the "gun" shot himself.
got his fingers caught in the till. he's no good to anyone.
a bare .knuckle boxer isn't a lot of good without any fuckin knuckles, tommy. pause for thought, then turkish has the look of a man that has come across a really bright idea.
jesus!
let's use the fuckin pikey.
what do you say?
a what?
we are here to see brick top. the barman looks them up and down a bit. he's not doing anything.
brick top.
you know what he's done to people on that pool table? they both give the table an eyeball.
quite a fuckin lot if you nail 'em to it.
yup. -
they can charm the paint off walls these fellas.
i like my dog to growl at the post man.
we don'c have a gorgeous anymore. brick top turns round and indicates that he would like the noise around him to drop. it does marginally.
we have lost gorgeous george. brick top turns round again at the already subdued crowd, he doesn't raise his voice but the crowd reacts.
i am not backing out.
you won't know him. pause: a look of you're kidding comes over his face.
no, there was an accident.
you've still got your fight.
so michael, you got it clear? it's the fourth round. i'll tap you anyway to let you know when to go down.
i ain't going in the front.
unless you are going to transcendentally extract the passports and cash from out of a steel safe, i can't see any other way of getting them. keep your eyes peeled. turkish has another look around the back
well i can't see anyone. after i have got in go round the front and call me if you see anything.
shit you scared the life outta me.
what brings you two here, run out of pants to sniff?
well what do you want?
help yourself. you have to every thing else.
brick top.
you want sugar?
if i turn my back am i going to get a hole through it?
of course.
where did they come from? you're a snake in the grass tommy.
'do you know where i can find him?
well would you like to share that information with me ms o'neill?
hare coursing. the gypsies can't get enough of it.
i t ' s a big rabbit.
because they call em hares. tommy shrugs.
they set two lurchers, they are dogs before you ask, on a hare, that's the big rabbit. and the hare has to outrun the dogs.
well the big rabbit gets fucked doesn't it?
yeah before the germans get there tommy. how can a dog fuck a rabbit?. eh? if eats the bastard.
well do you want to do it?
on what?
that's not the same caravan.
i t ' s twice the fuckin size of the last one.
micky you are lucky we aren't worm food after your performance, i think buying a tart's mobile palace is a little fuckin rich.
i didn't mean that your mum was a tart. i just meant.
what like tommy did last time? do me a favour?
okay, i reckon the hare gets caught. but he's in. gypsy romany music starts. cut to slow motion, cu of dogs' enthusiasm, cu of pikeys and their fingers skillfully dealing in money, inhaling cigarettes, etc.
we buy him a caravan tommy.
why didn't you "bus a cap in his ass" then tommy? mind you, you would do more damage if you threw it at him.
oh no tommy i wasn't saying you can't shoot, i know you can't shoot. what i was saying is that six pound piece of shit stuck in your trousers there would do more damage if you fed it to em.
you tried it? tommy frowns
whoops.
i am sorry, but he's a stubborn bastard, he says he's had enough, he says he's got to look after his old mum.
that's what he said, she's a nice old girl his mum.
jesus i am sorry micky. i am really sorry. he's a mad bastard. darren decides to interject.
why?
i gotta say .1 don't like this tommy. this has got very fuckin messy. jesus you know how he felt about his old girl. i think we should get you a new gun tommy, but this time try . . . '. it.
we'll be there in a minute. he takes a sip of his milk. there's a pause.
it's not the same.
milk, in these cartons. i
why, what's wrong with it?
shut up!
well fuck me tommy, what have you been reading?
cows mad as lorries eh? you hear about the two cows having a chat in a field? one says to the other, "what do you think about this mad cows' disease then? the other one looks back and says "doesn't bother me, i'm a duck. turkish looks back at him blankly.
he's left the door open.
i don't want to go in there, he's a dangerous bastard, taken too many disco biscuits in the heat of russian disputations, he's got as many of these nuts as those nuts.
well come on then before the germans get here.
oi micky. oi micky.
you feeling alright micky?
we are nearly there. they are a horrible bunch this lot micky so pay attention to what you are doing. micky just yawns.
put up some kind of a show, he's a hard bastard this "good night" anderson so don't get too clever, he used to be a pro. just keep moving round the ring, and let the odd one go when push has come to shove.
of course he knows when he's going down.
fuck face? i like that, i ' l l have to use that one next time -i want to impress your mum ken.
i don't like the look of this tommy, bring the van up to the back door. this goes on for two rounds . we go in the mind of poor micky. we break the music just as it's starting to look dangerous.  the bell goes and micky walks to the wrong corner. turkish pulls him back to his corner.
they are on ya. you got to hurt him micky. otherwise we are rumbled.  you hear me micky? do -something, it looks like it' s rigged. micky goes out again his hands are low, bang there is a flash of white as micky goes down in the dirt. dust rises from where he fell. he gets up quickly, his hands are still low, bang he goes down again, in no time he's up.
tommy get the van.
we are off micky, hold tight, and move quickly. , turkish pulls micky away. it's not as hard as it might be trying to get out, because the crowd seems to have found its own disputes, chairs start to fly. brick top's boys are frustrated in the mayhem. brick top calmly dials into his mobile telephone. it rings.
i can't say i have micky.
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