to all my thugs that be livin' it up, we say, what i do. to all my.  oh! this is it. make a right.
well, my mother is, sort of. not really.
i guess a hit play will buy you a house in the hamptons.
no you wouldn't. i mean, she's great. she's totally brilliant, but she's not your type.
she's over thirty. harry looks to marin, feigning hurt.
oh, what?! like you don't know you have a slight reputation for.
for never dating anyone over 30. don't look at me like that.
okay. sorry. over 31?
dames.  marin continues singing along with ja rule as harry confidently slips his hand onto her thigh.
make a right, left at the second fence. marin turns up the cd, getting herself out of whatever just came over her, looks out the window.
yes you have actually.
i know. my mother doesn't know how to do things that aren't perfect.
yeah, okay, right.  they both grab their h overnight bags and step out of the car.
tell me the truth, are you at all glad we waited?
two minutes. marin starts unbuttoning her sweater as she dances seductively toward the front door, then notices harry's cigars.
oh har.  no smoking in the house. my mom doesn't allow it.
she doesn't know everything i do. or when i do it.  or where i do it. she slips off her sweater and drops it on harry's head.
the fabulous living room, perfect for entertaining an intimate group of friends or that special someone. behind me, the requisite hampton's deck complete with pool and ocean view.
your pants, please.
gourmet kitchen's to your left where tonight i will whip you up a culinary feast of mac and cheese. marin hears harry's zipper unzip. she turns, her eyes widening as harry's pants land on a chair. harry is now down to his boxers, an open shirt and a fearless smile.
 o-kay, going quickly now.  master bedroom is that away.  they arrive in a warmly decorated guest bedroom.
you know when i first started auctioneering someone told me if i was nervous to just picture everyone in the audience in their underwear. this sort of gives that a whole new meaning.
i'm always a little nervous.
me like you, harry langer. she bounces off him like a kid and disappears into the bathroom. harry lies there alone for a second. catches his breath. he sits up, feet on the floor, shoulders hunched, clears his throat, bangs on his chest. he waits a sec then stands with a stiffness that for the first time suggests he is not a that young man.
oh, fuck.
mom, i had no idea you were coming out this weekend, you said you had to write.
oh, man, this is really.
totally.  .but.  you gotta admit, sorta funny you thought he was a burglar? in his boxer shorts?
i'm sorry, it's not really funny. i'm an idiot. i should've told you i was bringing someone out.
yes. sorry.  mom, this is my friend, harry. harry, my mom, erica.  my aunt, zoe. harry's sort of a new friend. i think i mentioned him in an e-mail. we just, totally spur of the moment thought we'd get out of the city for a few days.
seriously. i can handle it.
she started french lessons after she and my dad split up. part of her "keep busy, don't look back" program. she's practically fluent now.
laissons quelque chose d'achat. et ce grand gateau de chocolat?
yeah. well. . i am fluent. be right back. marin crosses to the dessert counter. erica turns back and catches harry checking out marin's ass. he smiles as he licks his ice cream. erica rolls her eyes then spots another older guy with a leggy girl twenty-five years his junior.
how we doin?
so, mom, how's the new play? you gettin' happy with it? marin places a plate in front of harry then runs her finger along "the nape of his neck. they smile at each other as she continues on. erica notices, tries not to respond.
you could just 'ask him.
harry was once engaged to diane sawyer. okay?
what the hell was that?
he's fun.
wrong can be fun, mom.
can we not do this now? he's actually incredibly smart and fascinating and if you had talked to him about something other than his marital status you would've found out how smart he is. he owns like 10 different companies.
yeah, that i get. anyway, he said he thought you two were very spontaneous and nice and then said he's leaving as soon as the sun comes up.
good night.
i love you more. this is obviously a ritual between them. erica kisses marin's cheek in a flutter of kisses, then marin
we were fooling around and he said he felt funny hthen he just collapsed.
oh, man, what if he doesn't make it? i don't know who to contact.
i don't know his family. i've gone out to dinner with the guy three times. i hardly know him.
oh, he's not my dad.
oh, thank you so much. but he's not my.  oh we're not related. he's just a friend.
so, urn, do you always work nights?
mother! i've never seen a man less interested in me.
no, he's older than that.
harry.  confused, harry turns around, a little lost, giving the women a full view of his bare ass. the women muffle screams.
harry! over here! he faces them.
lowell? harry wobbles. is he going to fall? marin freezes, looks to her mom for help. erica rushes to harry.
this is the most insane night of my life.
-- knock, knock.
yeah.  mr. excitement.
no we haven't. you're correct on that one.
dad! i didn't know you were here.
well, i was just gonna drive into the city with zoe but if you're driving back, i'd much rather go with you.
the doctor said" he's 'sending over a nurse in the morning.
room service!
so how are you guys? oh, this is too sweet. you're making pancakes? awwww. and you're both in your pj's. now i feel i'm interrupting.
a quart of matzoh ball soup for harry. i know it's not the remedy for heart problems but it is low cholesterol.
oh, sorry. stupid. for mom, your favorite raisin-bread. and for me.  my favorite vodka. marin's cell phone rings.
hello? no i'm here, babe. made record time. everyone's still there? erica feeling suddenly frumpy, fixes her hair. harry watches her. she catches him and shrugs. marin flips her phone shut and tosses it in her purse.
mom! i just got here, hold on. she pours a healthy vodka into a glass, grabs some ice.
so your ex-husband stood me up today. we were supposed to have lunch at barneys . he never showed up. was he always like this?
this is what happens after a couple gets divorced, the kid inherits all the problems. not that i'm a kid. so how are you, how do you feel? when can you go home? just as harry is about to answer, marin's cell rings. she picks it up, looks at her caller id, throws it back in her bag.
i'm breaking up with harry.
'cause i met someone else.
you know me, my life's crazy. i meet a thousand people everyday. also, let's face it, the guy's insanely old for me. i'd be nuts to keep this going.
-- i know. he's soulful when you don't expect it, right?
now, mom, if you could handle this, i was thinking.  you and harry.
but you're only saying that 'cause you think he and i have had sex.
never even got close. swear to god. just puttin' that out there'cause for two people who are convinced they got life beat, there's was somethin' cooking in the kitchen last night other than pancakes.
okay, he's all yours.
he just took care of it for me; he was an ace. elegant. said our fate was to be friends. . oh my god. he was breaking up with me. he's a genius.
it doesn't matter, we're done and we both feel good about it. i gotta get back. now erica, try to think of this as the smartest thing you've ever done for yourself. marin exits and the phone rings.
mom, you guys okay out there?
what do you mean, it's like a hurricane. the news said the winds are like a zillion miles an hour.
are you having sex? tell the truth. you are, aren't you.
oh my god, you already did it. was it amazing?
just tell me, was it amazing?
who? it's me.
i had breakfast with dad this morning and we're talking and he starts looking all weir~ and then he tells me he met someone three weeks ago and it's "really something and then he he tells me he's getting married. why am i reacting this way? i'm almost thirty years old.  yes, i'm crying, leave me alone.
i don't know. some chick he met three weeks ago. she's four years older than me and she's an ear, nose and throat doctor. has he lost his mind? i have a huge auction tonight.  why do i have to be the one to deal with this? can you please come in? i'm rea:~y upset, my shrink'~ away for two weeks. i know you're working but. . .please. . ?
-- look, i get that he has a right to get remarried, but he doesn't even know her and she's like my age. you know what that's like? it's like beyond creepy. and i know he's not replacing me so why does it feel like he is? this is crazy, right? crying like this.
mom, you want to know the answer to the big mystery of my life? why i'm always with the wrong guy? this is why. because the wrong guy can't do this to you. you have some control with the wrong guy. this thing i'm feeling right now. this is my big fear. that some guy could get me unglued like this, like nothing's connected. and this is just my father! i'm just not strong enough to handle this kind of drama.
no, it's what makes you strong. you've never really understood this,but we're not all like you.
i'm sorry, if i were you and my ex husband, the man who i still allow to direct my plays.! was getting married to some 33 year old ear, nose and throat babe, i'd be bonkers. and look at you. you've never looked better, by the way. my anti-depressant is obviously not working. it should cover events like this shouldn't it?
ugggh, mother, do you know anyone who doesn't?
i rest my case. a knock on the door.
mom, can you do one other really big thing for me? just say yes.
will you come out to dinner tonight with me and dad and the fiance?
please. he wants me to meet her and i can not go alone. i already asked him if you could come and he said it was fine and she said it was fine. look, you're gonna have to meet her too, so, we might as well meet her together. come on, you know you can handle it.
good evening and welcome to sotheby's and this evening's sale of impressionistic and modern art. bidders should know that the auctioneer may open bidding on any lot below the reserve by placing a bid on behalf of the seller. okay. let's start with lot i, the bonnard drawing. and $5.000 starting with my bidders, $5000 is bid, 5500, 6000, 6500 is mine, 7000 gentleman's bid, 7500 is here, 8000 on the phone. . .
wow. so not only are you marrying my father but our mothers went to the same college. marin takes out a pack of cigarettes.
anyone mind?
okay, i'll just. have one. so, this isn't going badly so far is it? i mean for a totally surreal situation like this.
hey, not in front of the kids.
i think i swallowed my olive, whole. erica looks up and sees something that takes her breath away.
mom, you okay?
mom, we're going into town.  erica turns, wiping tears.
are you crying? i didn't know you did that.
is it harry?
fucking men. you don't care when i say fuck, do you?
so now you get my theory about love? you gotta self protect. it's too dangerous.
and how would you put it if you wanted to hurt my feelings?
so you're telling me you're happy right now? this is good what happened to you?
i've never had the time of my life.
i couldn't believe you were calling from downstairs. so great to see you.
thank you. come on in.
what do you mean? you were great to me.
always.
i'm three months pregnant, that might have something to do with it.
my husband, hold on, he really wants to meet you. danny.  a solid citizen of a guy joins marin, loosened tie, glasses.
harry langer, my husband, danny yellin.
just to us. in every interview my mom does, she always says she made you up.
yeah, well.
she's. . . really good. up to her old tricks. learning italian, remodeling her apartment in the city.
only one way to find out, except she's out of town right now.
paris. she left two days ago, for her birthday. but she'll be back next week.  the elevator arrives. harry salutes his goodbye and steps inside the elevator. he turns, faces camera.