anyone else?
catherine is right. the story's a piece of shit. you express nothing but banalities and, formally speaking, are unable to construct a single compelling sentence. you ride on a wave of clichs so worn, in fact, it actually approaches a level of grotesquerie. ad your subtitle, 'the rawness of truth' is that supposed to be a joke of some sort? or are you just being pretentious? ok. who's next?
hello, vi.
what are you doing here?
well, now you have.
uh huh.
you're not.
that's good.
you have beautiful skin.
maybe. she's ok.
i'm not 'going out' with catherine.
no.
it's over there.
take off your top.
now. take off the rest.
turn around.
bend over.
say, ni.
gger.
say, 'nigger.'
'fuck me hard!'
say, 'nigger, fuck me hard!'
again!
again!!
callow and coy. jane wants more, but isn't honest enough to admit it. in the end, she returns to the safety of her crippled boyfriend.
i don't know about 'what happened,' vi, because once you start writing, it all becomes fiction. still, it certainly is an improvement over your last story: there is now at least a beginning, a middle, and an end.