and so she says i'll have the filet and the lobster". i had to borrow twenty bucks from fitzgerald just to get out of the restaurant.
ohhh, hey dougie. i'll catch up with you later.  hey, how you doin'? haven't seen you before.
i'm alex. where you workin'?
what's the matter, can't swim?
well, you look old enough to be a guard.
it's just that most of the guys on grounds are a little younger than you. most guys your age that can swim are guards.
oh, no no no. i work concessions. at aokee's surf and snack shack. it's just as well. the guards are mostly stuck up anyway. the rest of us are the ones who know how to have fun.
nope.
surf tunes, dude!
ahh. and here we have the fair melissa, time clerk extraordinaire.
dear melissa. there's nothing about our relationship that couldn't be fixed by us spending a few moments together in the pumphouse behind thunder bay.
my dear, you cut me to the quick. check off my name and that of my amigo here, mr. robbie zirpollo.
she wants me. yeeees?
eeeaasy there, big fella. not in your lifetime. or mine.
miss tiffany maxwell, daughter of big mike maxwell, owner and operator of this here fine water park.
see, princess tiffany and her friends pretty much have the run of the park. her boyfriend is dan peterson, a guy we all call cowboy, one of the lifeguards. pretty decent guy from what i can tell. but she's a piece of work. your best strategy is to steer clear of her and she won't cause you any trouble.
big. guy.
let's just say. you are critical and indispensable to the ongoing operation.  and. flow of things here at the park.
i'll show him. i'm going in that
left. left. left right left.
who?
you know. i just met a guy that's old
seemed like our kind of people.
hello, colonel!
yes sir, colonel. and what a fine staff you've assembled this year. have you told them yet about your army background?
wasn't much? can you just imagine for a moment the germs and bacteria our american soldiers could pick up in an unsanitised army latrine? it's impossible to determine just how many lives have been saved thanks to the efforts of this one humble army colonel.
i, too, came up through the ranks when at age 14, i began my service here at water world learning from this great man.
not even sure i remember it myself, sir. but i remember much more. did you tell them about the film?
"hygiene makes you happy" every enlisted man in the army has seen it. some by choice. all from the mind of the colonel here.
bureaucratic bumble.
lost paperwork.
an error in the front office.
spiced applesauce.
it's robbie sir. he was supposed to work at aokee's and through some crazy mix-up, he ended up here.
never happened before.
spaghetti marinara.
hey, hey lookin' good. blue is your color. beats that stupid t-shirt, huh?
sorry, sarah, but i need to borrow this.
oh, puh-leeaase.
ladies and gentlemen, may i have your attention, please?
in exactly 30 minutes, hundreds of dripping wet customers with fistfuls of money smelling of chlorine and suntan lotion will be walking in here. and what will they be looking for?
annnnnnd?
now, everyone's a little tense, except me, of course. so to help you get in the proper frame of mind and relax, we need
this is little tune i like to call the paradise slide. one, two, a one two three.
right. see you in a little while.
well, it's early in the season yet. we'll get busier.
don't worry. you'll get used to it. and tips were good, right?
oh, you'll find this ride interesting.
it's a lot harder than it looks.
now this is a place of many wonders. see those guys in line over there?
we call them "wave bums". they all have season passes, and do little more than ride the wave all day long. some of them get pretty good.
that's where they hang out when they're not riding the wave. don't get too close to them.
contact high.
and there, my friend, is another one of the wave's features.
we call them "wave babes". and there's a special secret to this ride.
hey, bob. can i borrow your radio a minute?
hey frank, it's alex.
listen you have a possible code 4. means a "hottie".
she's up next. a free chicken sandwich and a smoothie if you bounce up the pressure a bit.
he knows my weak spot. two volcanos and a chicken sandwich.
watch, and wait.
yesss!
well, sometime bring your swimsuit. we'll come back on break. i'll show you how to do it. surf's is this way. and keep an eye out for frank over there. we owe him.
the first aid station is over there. just ask the guard. i just want to say hello to this girl i know.
jama. i mean. jaffa the jamaican. what shakes, it mon?
jaffa, meet robbie zirpollo. jaffa plays the tunes and talks the talk.
he's calling for security.
hey eddie. what have you got?
you got this?
hi, amy. who's this?
about what?
i'll tell you over a hamburger at big mike's.
yep.
there's no such thing as a table stretcher or a left-handed coffee pot.
it's just aokee's way of giving you a tour of the park without having to be there. consider it a rookie initiation.
time to make it up to you. come on.
hey davey. how 'bout two for two?
chocolate.
now, if he ever shows up at our back door, we owe him chicken and smoothies.
well. the discount is larger this way.
come on. let's go eat!
oh boy. here we go.
aokee. the pigeons have been taking target practice on his trophy pedestal. come on.
happens every week.
that stand is to display the coveted surfer king trophy. aokee seems to think that one day some concessions kid with more courage than brains is going to beat the lifeguards in the annual employee olympics.
nothing, really. just out surf the strongest guard of them all in the surfing competition. no big deal.
a guard always wins the surf competition. know why?
amy. have you ever seen the fabulous cummings and robbins 2000-b?
it's incredible. it washes 2000 plates an hour.
well. how'd you do?
good job. you work fast. hey it's time for our break. bring your swimsuit?
the wave. i love that water.
can't swim. it's only three inches deep.
now, just take it easy, and don't expect too much at first. when you wipe out, your ride is done.
just ease into it.
gees. where did you learn to do that?
think you could ride that?
i took robbie to the wave today.
no. it turns out that he's from oceanside. california. you know, where they always hold those surf competitions?
it turns out that he placed second in the state high school finals for the shortboard competition. as a sophomore.
i saw it myself. you wouldn't believe it.
our robbie.
that's what i was thinking.
you heard it. he's in the kitchen.
it's a big deal. every girl wants to date you. every guy wants to be you. special privileges. we all wear standard uniforms. the surfer king gets to be creative. you ever see the cowboy hat cowboy wears?
he's a myth.
pipeman. the banzai pipeline. i get it. some kind of legendary surf champ. where do we find him?
this will be good. aokee throws a great luau.
there'll still be time for fun. most of the work is setting up. besides, we get paid, too. when was the last time you got paid to party?
these never fail.
now this will never do.
oh, yes, yes.
special smoothies. fortunately, you know people on the inside.
you girls want to dance?
oh, dougie. you know, i left my wallet over in my locker. i'll see you before we leave and get it to you then.
you know, you could always come by aokee's and i could give it to you in trade.
no problem.
all these switches feed sound throughout the park. which reminds me.
and this is for bad little girls who don't know how to have fun.
oops. there. almost got you.
uh oh. sorry. hold that thought.
i'm on it.
just a little friendly pool. no big deal. helps make this more interesting. concessions never had a chance before.
ah, you're the next big thing. you'll survive it. the employee olympics are only a week away. what happens is we have this big opening ceremony where each team chooses a theme and we're judged on our spirit. then different teams compete in contests that test their water world skills. the next morning it all ends with the surf contest. you ready?
i'm alex!
come on, we gotta get back.
big something. i hope he knows how to work without a net.
i guess we'll both find out on sunday. i sure hope so.
tiff?
i can't believe those guys screwed up the
bunch of babies.
i'm telling you we need to talk him. something's going on.
so how about this? he tells me i've got to cover for him if his mother calls. he told her he's spending the night at my house.
yes. tiffany's got something up her sleeve and robbie's too messed up to
robbie. she's still going out with cowboy. i saw them together at the movies two nights ago.
robbie. things. things are not always what they seem to be.
she is like that.
aokee?
ok. take aokee for instance. gentle, genial hawaiian guy, right?
then let me introduce you properly. robbie zirpollo, meet manuel ramirez.
manuel's family snuck across the border ten years ago through juarez, mexico.
and i said, boy, you speak spanish like a native. uh oh. it's been our little secret. now it's your secret, too.
you do.
not yet.
she shook her ta-tas? no one said anything about shaking ta-tas. this puts a whole new light on things!
don't be silly. that only works in the movies.
flip upside down?
oh yeah, i'm sure i did that last winter. but not on purpose! dude. you're either gonna win this thing or you're gonna die.
you stay away from my sister.
looks like he's waiting for you to make a mistake. you sure you know what you're doing?
works for me! go get 'em.
that's a bad idea.
well. just another summer at water world.
yeah?
yep.