hello?
lemme get off the other line, baby.
that was sue. we got two parties tonight. one's for a modeling agency.
listen to me, baby, there are going to be beautiful babies there.
listen to you. i got an audition for a pilot at nine and i'm going. you gotta get out with some beautiful babies. you can't sit home thinking about her.
i don't know, i don't know- listen to you. we're gonna have fun tonight. we gotta get you out of that stuffy apartment.
you got it bad, baby. you need vegas.
we're going to vegas.
tonight, baby.
i'll pick you up in a half an hour.
shut up- yes you are. now listen to tee. we'll stop at a cash machine on the way.
just bring your card. half an hour.
what?
oh.  now mikey wants to be a high roller.
okay bugsy. twenty minutes.
be downstairs. you're beautiful.
i'm cool, baby. they're gonna give daddy a room, some breakfast, maybe bennett's singing.
i know. daddy's gonna get the rainman suite. vegas, baby. we're going to vegas!
baby, we're gonna be up by five hundy by midnight. vegas, baby!
vegas, baby!
vegas.
wake up, baby.
look at it, baby. vegas, baby!
this is the hot new place, besides, you love pirates. tell me mikey doesn't love pirates.
you gotta love the pirates, baby. the pirates are money.
that's new york, baby. you should know that. look at the waitresses. i'm gonna get me a peg-leg baby.
baby, there are beautiful babies here.
what are you talking about? look at all the honeys.
arrrrg!
she smiled baby.
did she, or did she not smile?
i'm telling you, they love that shit.
we're gonna get laid, baby.
what? you think she's gonna tell her pit-boss on us?
who's fucking around? i'm not making fun. let's do it, baby.
well, you look money, baby. we both look money.
you think they're watching?
double down.
double down, baby. you gotta double down on an eleven.
you gotta do it.
if we don't look like we know what we're doing, then we may as well.
i'm telling you, baby, you always double down on an eleven.
always, baby.
always.
what's that? one twenty? you're up twenty bucks, baby.
 well, you know, not counting the first table.
hey, man, i'm down too, you know.
i don't know, what? thirty, forty maybe.
twenty.  but i was down at least fifty. i'm sorry, i got hot at the crap table.
baby, don't talk like that, baby.
baby, you're money. you're the big winner.
who's the big winner?
mikey's the big winner.
okay, tee's the asshole, but mikey's the big winner.
bring a james bond for me and my boy mikey, and if you tell the bartender to go easy on the water.  . this kennedy has your name on it. now run along, i'm timing you.
that was money. tell me that wasn't money.
she smiled, baby.
did she, or did she not smile.
she was smiling at how money i am, baby.
leave? the honey-baby's bringing us some cocktails.
i know she's coming back.
baby, did you hear her? "you shouldn't leave without getting something for free." she wants to party, baby.
you gotta give tee one thing. he's good with the ladies.
baby, this is what we came for. we met a beautiful baby and she likes you.
whatever. we'll see. daddy's gonna get her to bring a friend. we'll both get one. i don't care if i'm with her or one of her beautiful baby friends.
you gotta get that girl out of your head. it's time to move on. you're a stylish, successful, good looking cat. the ladies want to love you, you just gotta let them.
it's not. you're money. any of these ladies would be lucky to pull a cat like you.
you can't think like that, baby. it's hard, i know. i've been there. not for six years, but i know. you just gotta get back out there.
 gotta.
oh fuck that. you don't have to try and impress anyone. you think i give a shit? you think i sweat that skanky whore waitress.
 one fifty-nine, two minutes.
beautiful. what time are you off.  .  christy?
call a friend and have her meet the three of us at the landlubber lounge at 6:01.
that's what i'm telling you, baby. the babies love that stuff. they don't want all that sensitive shit. you start talking to them about puppy dogs and ice cream. they know what you want. what do you think? you think they don't?
they know what you want, believe me. pretending is just a waste of time. you're gonna take them there eventually anyway. don't apologize for it.
respect, my ass. they respect honesty. you see how they dress when they go out? they want to be noticed. you're just showing them it's working. you gotta get off this respect kick, baby. there aint nothing wrong with letting them now that you're money and that you want to party.
i'll have the blackbeard over easy.
nice, baby.
baby, you did fine.
baby.
you did fine. don't sweat her. we're meeting our honeys soon. you know christy's friend is going to be money.
baby, relax. it's just down the hall. she's gotta change.  we'll be fine.
baby, we're money.
oh, are we late? there are no clocks in this town.
stop. ladies, don't you double down on an eleven?
hello, lisa. i'm trent. what a lovely makeup job.
oh.  a dorothy.
i'm a producer.
no.  no.  the worst was when i went in for this after-school special and i'm sitting in the waiting room with all these little kids. i see they're all signed in for the same role as me.
wait.  wait.  listen.  so, i check the time and place. i'm where i'm supposed to be. i call my agent.  she says they asked for me specifically.
oh.  "i love you.  i can't believe you're doing this.  drugs are bad" whatever. after-school bullshit. the role is brother.
wait.  wait.  just "brother". so i go in. "hello.  hi.  we loved your guest spot on baywatch.  blah blah blah" whatever. so, i start to read, and, mikey, i was money. i prepared for a week. it's a starring role. i'm crying.  the casting director, she starts crying.
yes!
wait.  she's crying. i finish. i hold up my finger like "wait a second". they sit in silence for, like, at least five minutes. i look up and they all start clapping, and now they're all crying. even the camera guy.
i'm telling you!
so, i swear to god this is exactly what he said. the producer says to me.  now he's still crying.  he says to me that i was great, that that was exactly what they were looking for.
right? .  that i nailed it.  whatever. then he says it's just that i'm a little old. i'm like "how old is the brother?". he's like, he says this with a straight face, i swear to god, he says "eleven."
it's like, you looked at my tape. you saw my picture. why did you call me in? you knew i was twenty-four.
let me just check on my boy.
what?
baby, you'll check them tomorrow.
hold on.
you didn't have to get into it, baby.
don't worry about me, baby. i just wanted you to have a good time.
i didn't even like her, to be honest.
she really didn't do it for me, baby. how'd you like dorothy?
no, baby. you're money.
she thought you were money.
i heard them talking. they both thought you were money.
baby, you take yourself out of the game. you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream, of course it's gonna be on the friend tip.
baby, you're so money you don't even know it.
michelle went for you, right.
how?
that's just plain silly. your self- esteem is just low because she's with someone else. but thinking about it and talking about it all the time is bad. it's no good, man. you gotta get out there. the ladies want to love you, baby.
why? so you can beat yourself up? sitting around in that stuffy apartment. it's just plain bad for you, man. it's depressing. you've come so far. remember the first week? after she told you? you couldn't even eat.
you just sat around drinking orange juice. now look at you. look how far you've come in just a few months. you got that part in that movie.
 whatever. it's work. you're doing what you love. what's she doing?
see? and what does this guy she's with do?
what?!?
please. and you're sweating him? you're "all that" and you're sweating some lawn jockey?
baby, she's the one who should be thinking about you. sounds to me like you cut loose some dead weight. trust me, mikey, you're better off.
chelios to roenick!
because he's a bitch.
 against the computer.
they're a bitch team.  score! roenick!
i wish the game still had fights so i could bitch-slap wayne.
no. doesn't that suck?
you could make their heads bleed, though.
yeah.
i'll make gretsky bleed, the little bitch.
is he cute? ask him if he wants to stay for a cocktail!
aww.  he got away?
it starts at eight.
who? rob?
yeah. he's a "rounder".
what a surprise.
 no, baby. i got a better one. you gotta admit the steadycam shot in "goodfellas" was the money.
 through the kitchen.
 it looked money.
 you gotta admit, it looked money.
 beats me.
oh, it's on, baby.
is she looking at me, baby?
now?
is she looking now?
see, baby?
it's on.
minnie pearl.
what are you doing?
you looked right at her, baby.
damn. now i gotta go in early.
don't sweat it, baby. this one's a lay- up.
uhhhh.  huuuhhh.
uhhh.  huuhh.
uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
was i money?
why, baby? what'd i do wrong?
she didn't see.
what was cold about it?
she offered me her number. what should i have said? "no"? that would've hurt her feelings. this way she feels like the winner.
tee can't roll with that, she's "business class".
we could hit the dresden.
it's on.
baby, i know it is. it's a black diamond trail.
 but it's worth the risk. true or false: it's worth the risk.
we got the digits, baby.
what's wrong? i saw you talking to that beautiful blonde baby.
baby, don't talk that way, baby.
that's what i keep trying to tell him. you're so money, you don't even know.
we're not messing with you.
you're like this big beer with claws and fangs.
 and teeth.  and she's like this little bunny cowering in the corner.
 and you're just looking at your claws like "how do i kill this bunny?".
 yeah. you're just gently batting it around.  and the rabbit's all scared.
 and fangs.  and you're like "i don't know what to do. how do i kill this bunny?".
no, baby!
 you're money.
now go over there and get those digits.
now when you talk to her, i don't want you to be the guy in the pg-13 movie that everyone's pulling for. i want you to be the guy in the rated r movie who you're not sure if you like.
see, baby. it's not that hard.
a day.
no.
 yeah.
yeah. i guess you could call it that.
 i used to wait two days. now everyone waits two days. three days is kinda money now, don't you think?
yeah, but three days is kinda the money.
laugh all you want, but if you call to soon you can scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
what the fuck?
you dick.
 anaheim.
 oh, who would jack your fuckin k-car? he's right, sue. you don't need no gat.
 oh yeah, like "cypress hill" was gonna do anything.
 sue.
 shut up, sue.
sue!
mikey!
don't even talk to me. you asshole.
mikey! guys, mikey's here!
five minutes, baby. hey, it's been two days. you should call nikki and see if she wants to meet you there.
it's on.
it's on.
 it is so on.
you were off your ass back there! where the hell did you learn to do all that twirly whirly shit?
you were good. did you see how she was vibing you?
yeah. you probably coulda hit that tonight if you didn't have to drive us home.
don't give me that! she liked you, man.
the bear's got his claws back.
i'm telling you. wait three days.
 okay, two.
oh. he's got it under control.
our little baby's growing up.