is that what you got from this experience? a goddamn watch?
there's 700 million in gold out there and you're fucking around with a watch?
one bunker of gold and we retire from this horseshit, hashy--
just a second. the problem, hash, is how do you find it?
maybe two sowsan bunker out sair, hash, how do you find saddam's bullion?
my goodness, bill, what seems to be the problem?
you want me to stop the sand? i can't do anything about that.
i think the saddam story goes more for the jugular, journalistically speaking, i mean, he's still here beating the shit out of his country.
ok, go do your celebration story, bill.
i'll be right back.
just the celebration story.
that's it --
how about you? did you find anything?
who's the guy?
barlow.
out of a prisoner's head?
out of a guy's dick?
you guys have no manners whatsoever --
that's a lot of bullshit.
i'm helping him plenty with his big celebration feature -- where did you get this fucking star?
for what? i don't even know what we did over here, but schwartzkopf gets a book deal, you get a star, powell gets to be fucking president--
running the press pool's a real big win for me.
i'm just saying it's ironic, that's all.
we got the biggest army in the world here but iraq still has the d-bag dictator in power, but that's how the world works i guess.
fuck you, ron.
ok, sir, but there's another thing i'd like to say, if you don't mind.
fuuuuuck yooouuuu, ronnnnn.
get the fuck out of my way.
good afternoon.
would this be the proctology tent?
then maybe it's the urology tent.
that's ok, i'm not looking for a proctologist or a urologist i'm looking for sargeant barlow.
you're on the path to truth when you smell shit, isn't that what they say?
and you would be the three wise men, right, mappy, slappy, and pappy --
that leaves cappy outside.
did you good soldiers present this map to captain van meter?
then i'll take it to him.
it won't do either of us any good then, will it?
it could be nothing but a sandy love letter from one eye-raqi to another --
maybe.
may i look at the goddamn map?
that's what makes rangers badass, we get the best flashlights.
still looks like a series of three bunkers in three villages. a bit farther to the west.
more like 65.
leave at dawn, back by lunch, not a big deal. of course --
-- there could be nothing inside but starving arabs and stolen watches, but i think it's worth checking out, even if i have to do it with clueless reservists like you.
i mean, i could take the map, but you could talk, it starts to become a pain in the ass for me, so we'll do the gold together.
you don't even know what's inside these bunkers, do you?
rolexes are swell, but i'm talking about kuwaiti bullion.
no. not the little cubes you put in hot water for soup.
5 kilos each, $50,000 in today's market.
i'm sure mr. hussein has divided his bricks. into many different hiding places, but just one hiding place should be easy to take, and that would be enough to get us out of our day jobs. unless the three kings are in love with their day jobs.
we do this shit all the time.
in panama we went sailing in noriega's boats.
in vietnam, we got a big gold buddha, which we unfortunately dropped in a swamp by accident.
let's see. they had the shit bombed out them for two months, they're deserting all over the place, and they've completely surrendered to us. that's a beaten army in every sense of the word.
you are now under my command, salute --
what's the guy's name outside?
cappy.
you will take bill smithson on a special mission to find the gold story, but it will be a meaningless ride that lasts all morning and takes him nowhere near karbala, is that clear?
your captain will be detained by a friend of mine.
no, but if you talk to anybody about this, i'll kill you.
shut the fuck up.
when we pull up to the bunker, the approach is something called violence of action, which is standard in special operations. it means your movement is so fast and decisive that the guards are frozen and we haven't fired a single shot.
we dropped a lot of bombs out here and we buried some guys alive --
bradleys with big plows cut through the berms and covered the trenches --
they had the option to surrender, but they chose to die for their country.
let's rehearse.
we'll say the cow is the primary guard outside the bunker. we pull up fast, and stop short.
and -- go.
who's hurt?
mines are forever, doc. they never get all of 'em.
did you guys see any action at all?
is sepsis cool?
as in septic tank, because that's what happens when a bullet hits you. the lead tears in there --
makes a cavity of dead tissue that closes down in a convulsive motion typical of all gunshot wounds. the cavity fills up with bile and bacteria and you're fucked.
but other than a wound that blinds, paralyzes, or castrates, the worst wound i've ever seen is something called tension pneumo thorax --
a bullet, or a blade doesn't kill you, but makes a little hole in the lung, so every time you breathe, a little air leaks into the chest cavity, which starts to fill up like a balloon. and that balloon starts to push your organs to the side, crushing your lung, your liver, your heart. your own breathing kills you, one breath at a time -- kinda like a job you can't stand or a bad lie you once told.
if you know how to make another little hole in the chest to let the air out, just like you would with an overinflated tire.
bach.
it should be right --
there.
no -- there.
orders from president bush, step aside.
do not panic. step outside --
where's the gold?
not yet.
where?
move. out of the way.
give them mre's.
what is the art of war, because it is not for killing people, it's a stratagem to give life to many by killing the evil perpetrated by a few -- i am burning up in this goddamn suit --
discriminating use of violence as a last resort, and even then, carefully, surgically, that's what i learned, that's what i'm good at. but now they underestimate all this, bomb the same towns for six weeks and still leave the scumbag dictator to starve and butcher his own people.
they make up the ethnic majority but they don't have any power. when bush pulled us out, he told them to start a civil war to bring saddam down, and now they're getting wasted.
put these on, we are now u.s. marines.
what is the most important thing in life?
what is it?
too dependent on other people.
comes and goes, man.
necessity. that's what dictates what will happen at any given time in life. necessity says we don't spend american lives taking out saddam, which leaves saddam the necessity of taking out the shiites so he can stay in power, which leaves us to take the gold.
did you notice they didn't touch us? we decimated their entire country. they're scared shitless of us. there's time to try another bunker. i say we go.
faster.
united states marine corps. put your weapons down.
by order of the cease-fire signed in safwan, march 3, the united states marines hereby confiscate all material stolen by iraq from the emirate of kuwait --
never hit anyone with your pistol, doc.
i've been divorced three times.
where's the gold, captain? tell us so we don't have to kill you.
take us to the basement.
listen to me: we leave you alone to kill your shiites, but everything you took from kuwait, that belongs to us now, understand?
put it back.
stick to the plan. the plan is for gold.
yeah, that's five kilos.
ten suitcases; sixty bricks each. that's thirty million dollars.
they didn't get it here in these bags.
why would you know that?
you got any more luggage here?
it's crazy to take it all, we're not prepared for it. it's crazy not to take it all, how can we leave it?
i told you that's handled.
i've got a friend, he's in french special forces. he's gonna put it in barrels filled with oil and bury it. in a few weeks, he'll drive it to yanbu --
it's a port in saudi.
where another friend will ship it on a turkish boat up the red sea to perpignan, where a french boat will take it to baltimore --
we need a trailer.
see what you can get, barlow.
we take the kuwaiti gold. yes.
no, saddam cannot keep.
he certainly does.
we can do it ourselves.
let's load up and get out of here.
this isn't gonna work.
we'll rig two carts.
we're not taking their truck.
this has to stop.
what did you say?
i don't think so. i'm sure you know about the geneva convention, right?
how much?
how much gold do you want to let these people come with us?
what do you mean, cannot do? i'm offering you a lot of money.
cover me.
are you listening? i said cover me.
no unnecessary shots, conrad, is that clear?
because we know what bullets do to vital organs, don't we?
that's right, that's what they do.
no shooting.
accident. stay cool.
cover these three.
doc.
put the shiites in the humvee.
make room.
it just changed.
obey the fucking order, barlow.
no. let's get out of here.
what's the tank doing?
stay on the road.
mine.
don't do it, this isn't sarin. we'd be dead by now.
it's c.s.
tear gas times ten, but it's not lethal. where's barlow?
does anybody see barlow?
don't move.
barlow.
we have to wait until it clears.
i had no choice.
i had no fucking choice.
i can't walk away from a crime like that and take the gold and live my life like nothing happened, and if you can, then i hope you die right now.
how you doing, conrad?
let's check the suitcases.
that leaves 92 suitcases, five bars each --
23 million dollars. not bad for a disaster, provided we can find barlow, get back before dark and not get busted.
it was my choice today. so you can head back if you want. i'll find barlow myself.
take what you can carry. try to find a vehicle. bury what you have outside camp. be careful about it.
ok, where does that leave us? we don't have any water, we're dehydrated. you got a radio here?
how is she?
you got a radio?
where's barlow?
where would they take him?
take us there.
we'll walk until we find some.
with what? we don't have a radio.
we can't do that.
we're not supposed to be involved with shiites. we killed iraqi soldiers. we broke the peace- accord.
they'd find out, we'd go to jail.
you're wrong.
we need to find our man. how much do you want to take us there?
that's too much.
we're gonna need it to buy our way back today, so we better spend it wisely. i'll give you eight.
yeah, we need some guns.
yeah, ok, we need some fighters.
ten.
that's four million dollars.
archie gates.
what?
we lost a man for you.
who's going?
did we save anything from the humvee?
this is the united states army. come out of the truck with your weapons in the air.
they used a lot of decoys to throw off our bombers.
we don't have any food.
no, thank you.
we need water.
radio?
no radio, no water, but yes cnn.
not exactly.
would you explain to these gentlemen that we need a vehicle of some kind?
listen. we use these cars to go fight saddam soldiers.
we are the united states military.
we will rise up together.
rise up together.
look at us. working together. many races, many nations. tell him, doc.
united. george bush wants you --
he wants you --
make the fight for freedom on your own.
then america will follow.
god bless america, and god bless a free iraq.
what do you say now, my friend?
then i guess we'll have to buy them.
we get our man, we come back to pick up the gold --
my gold isn't here, and i mean all of it, your people will not survive.
ok. let's load and go.
we're going to drive in and get troy, exactly like we discussed.
you're scared. it's good to be scared when there's guns around.
let's go.
come on.
we're gonna get out of here alive, just do what i say, do you hear me?
step, throw, one-two -- i'm gonna give it a five second fuse. that gives you two steps out the door.
wait --
go.
ok. shorter fuse this time.
we're not done. check every iraqi here.
don't let your guard down.
stay there, don't move.
it's been a busy day.
keep your fucking guard up.
we can talk about cars later, ok?
he's with us.
he helped us find you.
he's a soldier.
cover him.
lock it down. shoot anything that moves.
goddamn it.
i've been waiting 18 years to get that right.
we're his family now.
good. take him.
air pressure will build up about every fifteen minutes. release the valve, close it up again.
maybe four hours, if you're not bleeding too bad inside.
tar baby, this is brer rabbit, do you read me?
no, we're not.
tar baby, this is brer rabbit, are you reading this?
where are you?
we're about ready for the briar patch, over.
you got me, tar baby?
you do.
no, the other way around.
six personnel trucks and a humvee.
talk to my friend hash. each driver will get 100k.
roger. brer rabbit at 239 north. add one medavac pack to the order, and dump the reporter.
those better be words of sympathy.
bullion ees buried. i'll show you after we get these people to the border.
part of the deal.
it means we gotta move. they might be coming for us.
i see an opening we can walk through. but it's not wide enough for a truck.
we'll walk them to the border. the iranians will take them. we'll walk back to the trucks and get out of here.
make a close group.
double time.
let them get over the border.
put his cuffs in front.
goddamn it, ron, give him medical attention, don't let him die --
cut his cuffs.
we got the gold.
we got the kuwaiti bullion.
pull that barrel.
4 tons.
they helped us get it, ron. i made a deal, and that's soldier's honor. you can't fuck them now.
you can return this gold, be a big hero, get another star maybe.