are we shooting people, or what? that's what i'm asking you. i don't know the answer. that's what i'm trying to find out. "gettin' bugged drivin' up and down the same old strip, gotta find a new place where the kids are hip, i get around --" for twenty. you're lucky you got to see anybody shot in this war. accept no substitute, this is the real thing, oh, jesus -- i got a really bad headache all of a sudden-- and i'm proud i to be an american, where at least i know i'm free. and i won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. and i'd gladly stand up; next to you and defend her still today. cause there ain't no doubt i love this land, god bless the u s a -- rahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. rahhhhhhhhhhhhh. it's cool, no one's gonna hurt you -- you're making them all hysterical. what is your fucking problem, conrad? sir? we need you to disrobe like all the other towel heads, ok? there's a document in that guy's ass, conrad. it wouldn't come out perfect like that if he ate it. go get it, private. open it up. i'm sorry i don't have another, but you gotta open it up. that's how the chain of command works. important enough to squeeze your cheeks for. you've washed your hands like a thousand times, conrad. he's a good kid. he's got no high school, man, he's from a group home in jackson -- the point is, conrad, 'towel head' and 'camel jockey' are perfectly good substitutes. got any vicadan? excellent. let's translate my iraqi ass map. van meter's at the big pow wow? would you take those fucking things off? they don't work during the day and stand outside the tent. what's inside? silver lexus convertible. yes, they do. you're wrong. if i get enough rolexes i could buy one when i got home. my one problem, see, is the risk here -- tell me about it. he could put a land mine in your path if we try to find this place -- cuz you have a galactic plutonium forcefield. you have a ring of jesus fire. i don't even know what water baptism means. captain's at a staff meeting. not yet. we'll take it to him. sir. he's our commander, sir. we'd have to tell him you took it. it's a series of bunkers near karbala. not maybe, definitely. recon photos match the map. much closer to karbala. gold bricks. what about the risk of taking a humvee and all that -- wow. walter. pull. i gave you a better arc, doc. i threw the ball in a higher arc that was easier for you to hit. stop speaking right now, conrad. don't get down in the mud with him, doc. we can all agree there are many excellent black quarterbacks. shit. got it. 'if you could, help me rhonda, help help me rhonda --' can we play the beach boys when we go in? i'm not ashamed of liking the beach boys. it calms me down. better than mozart. shit. freeze. ya -- ya -- ha -- no. we look for the gold. kill him now. i don't even know what happened back there. civilians were spitting on their own soldiers; the soldiers were shooting the civilians and ignoring us -- it's a war inside the same country, conrad. that's a civil war. i can't do this, ok? because i've got a family and if i shit in a bag the rest of my life cuz i got shot after the war's already over that would be pretty fucking stupid, wouldn't it? what the fuck are you talking about? did you hear anything i said. what is this bullshit? we could've been shot. ok. and i'll be wearing fashionable kevlar. as a necessity. drop your weapon. freeze. down. no, newest and best has better noise reduction. less distortion. get down on the floor, ok? this is bad music, understand? it's bad for you. there's another room over here. is this five kilos? five, six, seven, eight, there's sixty bricks in this suitcase. three million dollars. i'm gonna get a fleet of lexus convertibles in different colors. i'll bet you a lexus they do. shit. the what? he works at an airport. what's the shipping plan? how is it handled? you have to tell us now. where's yanbu? i don't know about getting them to baltimore, but these hat boxes ain't gonna fit in the humvee. ok, i'll call u-haul in karbala to see what they have on the lot today. conrad, we need a trailer -- yeah, we got it. yeah, it's a lot. 'little deuce coupe with a fiat head mill, she'll walk a thunderbird like it's standin' still --' 'she'll do a hundred and forty with the top end floored --' 'she's my little deuce coupe --' lay that one flat; ok, sideways -- sure it is -- let's take the truck. why not? let's take the truck. archie, let's stick to the plan, sir. the plan is for gold, right? no, we can't. it's not what we're here for. jesus christ, we can't save everybody. what's happening? no. there's no room. what the fuck happened to necessity? not for me. this is fucked up. what if this was you not wearing kevlar? great, a fucking tank. that should send us on our way. it's about fucking time. we were home free, you stupid son of a bitch. hey. stop. goddamn it. i said ok. um. do you speak english? can you -- i need -- operation desert storm. the big army in the desert, come on, it's an emergency. maybe you could -- hello? fuck. come on, come on, come on. honey, it's me. it's me, honey. i can hear her. how's she doing? i wish i was there to help, gooney- bird. i'm working on that right now, baby. listen, honey -- they haven't given us an exact date yet. listen -- no, you're not. i miss you, too. the wall just exploded. it is and it isn't, babe. can you do me a favor and call the c.o. on base? tell him i'm stuck in a bunker near 223 north outside karbala -- i'm gonna be fine, honey, i don't want you to worry, i tried to do something for the family, and i want you to know -- that i love you. tell krystal -- tell krystal i'm a rich man and if things work out she'll be taken care of no matter what -- gotta go, gooney-bird, i love you-- master sargeant. b company, infantry, united states army. what do you mean? yeah, michael jackson. what are you talking about? he likes kids. bullshit. fine. i say it's sick. i don't think so. wrong. no. i don't hate children. does who care? no, they're not coming. no. yes, it hurts. that's horrible. i said, that's horrible. yes. i have a daughter. ten days old. krystal. because we're both fathers. i signed up for the extra cash, too. not from america. what did they train you in? great. i don't know. right. so why are you doing this to me? it's not just a job, it still matters what you do. it still matters what you do, what you're doing right now matters. the art of war is not for killing people, it's a stratagem to give life to many with minimum violence, minimum -- worse than death -- don't -- your son wouldn't be dead if saddam didn't invade kuwait. i heard about some bad shit that happened there. who's got the sick country? too much bombing is crazy, but not saving kuwait. yes. you invaded another country. you can't do that. it makes the world crazy. you got to keep it stable. no, for stability. stabilize the region. where's conrad? how are we getting back? you got a rolls? hey. that's a convertible. is that leather interior? it's a fucking infiniti convertible, isn't it? ok. so i owe you a car. i'm not in shock. freeze -- who is this guy? you're the guy with the little girl. what are you doing here? all right. you're all right. how's your girl? all right. excellent. how can we help? i'm calm. don't i look calm? we're gonna work it out. we can do it. we have to work it out. ok, you choose who we take. you tell the others it's not convenient, they'll have to die. you think i don't know what i'm saying. i know what i'm saying. we're gonna do more than steal, that's what i'm saying. we're gonna help these people out. help him. we made the right choice today, conrad. we made the right choice. help. for twenty. you're lucky you got to see anybody shot in this war. he's got no family. how long can i keep doing this? i'm really thirsty. protecting the free peoples of the world, walter, you know how it is. give me that penicillin, baby. it's not the air, i don't know what it is -- i'm all right. i'm just dizzy or something -- wait. let them get over, wait -- i have to reach this -- look what's happening. cut my cuffs -- get them over first.