did ya see 'bonanza' last night? can you tell me why ben cartwright had a colored guy stay over?
no.  he was just passing through, asked if he could stay over, and ben cartwright said 'sure thing.' it doesn't make any sense.  he invites a strange colored guy in.  invited him in to stay. is that crazy or what? if a colored guy came to my door and said 'can i stay the night,' i'd tell him 'get the fuck out of here'! it's nothing personal, mind you.
me? no, i'm not a bigot.
it's the fact the ben cartwright's on the ponderosa.  he's in the middle of nowhere. it's not like he's living on reisterstown road with houses all around.  we're talking about the west here. it's the idea that a strange guy comes to the door in the middle of the west. it doesn't make sense, that's all i'm saying.
listen, i'll sell tin to anybody .  i don't care who he is. a mark's a mark, whether he's chinese, indian or from mars.  i'm thoroughly integrated. makes no difference to me.  i just wouldn't have one of those guys sleep in my house. cut to:
i just don't believe that 'bonanza' is an accurate description of the west. i say no more. tilley slips into the booth next to sam. he indicates for sam to give him more room.
you want me to take my plate.  i'll eat in the parking lot.
did ya live?
gil, he doesn't know the guy.
he seems to be indicating that he doesn't know him.
you're not a girl and you're impressed! florence comes over and puts down some coffee in front of tilley.
the amount of time you spent there, i thought you were ready to send for me to close it up.
he's always said that about you, wing. always said that about you.  he has.
and some scotch, straight up. tilley pockets the check.
did she hear me say scotch straight up?
they have no respect for the working man.
jesus! what a pain in the ass. do you think this commission's gonna stick around or is it gone with the wind?
what's he got, a gnat up his ass? what the hell's wrong with the guy?
jesus christ! we can hear the "banana boat song" through the door, with mouse screeching along with it. sam takes the letter and goes through the door to the pool hall.
tilley. he nods for tilley to go over to him. they start to walk together through the darkened areas of the pool hall.
found this on your desk while i was going over some papers. he hands the letter to tilley.
maybe it's a refund check. tilley opens the envelope and looks at the document.
what? it must be a clerical error.
what are you talking about? you didn't pay your taxes?
you can't mess around with the government. why don't you go to h & r block, they'll take care of your taxes for you.
taxes is serious stuff, tilley.
all i can say, is you better get a lawyer or somebody to look into this, 'cos the irs, they don't fuck around.
so, what's the scoop?
you're kidding?
are you fucking crazy? you just gave them forty-two hundred dollars in aluminum siding free?!
what are you talking about?
mr. tilley is crazy.  he had a nervous breakdown. widen to include man and wife from before.
he's been under a lot of pressure recently.  he snapped.  he had a nervous breakdown.  it's the saddest thing i've ever seen. let's be honest about it, nobody gives away forty-two hundred dollars' worth of aluminum siding free.
let me tell you something, when i go and see his boss and show him this contract, he's out of this business.  he'll lose his home .  his wife and kids will be thrown out onto the street. he'll probably spend some time in an institution, so god knows what will happen to his wife and kids. anyway, it's not your problem.
you don't expect his boss to pick up the forty-two hundred job, do ya?
yeah, it's a bad state of affairs. let me ask you something, sir.
you don't think there's some way you could work with me to try and resolve this, do you?
let's look at it this way, what if i can sell you this job at a wholesale price.  kind of lessens the burden. the big boss won't get so angry, and maybe won't throw the guy's wife and kids out.  at least they'll have a roof over their heads.
you got a cup of coffee?
let's just sit down and kick this around. the wife goes into the kitchen.
no hurry, ma'am. the man turns to sit down, and as he does so, sam throws a $5 bill on the ground.
what you doing throwing your money around? he bends to pick up the $5 note.
i found a five-dollar bill, here by the side of the chair. cut to:
gil says that's where 'marengay' hangs out.
yeah.
what do you expect, it's half price night for divorced women. the place is hopping.
i'm beginning to believe in god.
no, i'm not saying that, but i'm beginning to give god more thought.
i tell ya.  i took my wife for lunch yesterday.  we went and had some smorgasbord, and it kind of happened.
yeah.
maybe.  but i had mine in a smorgasbord.
i went to get myself a salad and i started to see all these vegetables, you know how they have all those salads laid out so that when it's time to get to the main course you won't eat too much.  that scam to get you filled up so you don't eat too much chicken and beef and all that other stuff.
so i see celery, i see the lettuce, tomatoes, cauliflower.  and i think, all these things come out of the ground.  they just grow out of the ground. they had corn -- out of the ground.  radish -- out of the ground. you say to yourself, how can all these things come out of the ground? you know what i'm talking about? all these things are out of the ground.
i mean, how can that be? it just happened that way? and i'm not even getting into the fruits.  i'm just dealing with vegetables right now. with all those things coming out of the earth, there must be a god.
you gotta admit, it's amazing.
what about 'super highway' in the seventh.  it's paying 7 to 1. ran well in its last race. gil looking at the newspaper.
who's that?
number four in the fourth -- 'rider's revenge' -- 60 to 1, never been in the money. nice pick, tilley. why don't you just throw the twenty dollars in the trash can right now.
so, what do ya think?
what do you think, 'sally's pride' in the second? get me a bloody mary.
six. no, i don't like to eat until the third race. waiter walks off.
mr. motor.
tilley, this is insane. you're picking horses because you think you're clairvoyant or something.
hallihan's daughter.
you're not exactly talking about a long shot. mr. motor, for instance, is coming off at 50 to 1. tilley taps his forehead, with his eyes closed.
thrifty's delight -- number four -- 20 bucks.
twenty to one.
what are you, crazy? what happens if he wins?
he had an accident of some sort.
i don't know the whole story.
why didn't you at least give him the six hundred that you pocketed from the six races he lost?
yeah.
for crying out loud, why don't you just leave it at that.  you win.
let me see what the damage is. babum.  babum.  babum.  babum.  he hands the bill to mouse.
mouse, figure it out, will ya?
well, sometimes you'll eat more than he does, and it'll even out.
let me get out my notebook. how the fuck do i know what he had?
we don't remember, i don't know why.
french toast.
take a look at this crap.
home improvement commission. with those words there's a genuine moment of concern from all of the tin men -- even mouse stops singing. tilley picks up the envelope and pulls out the letter.
i think that's the gist of what they're saying. gil looks over tilley's shoulder at the letter. mouse comes over.
it's certified.
i dunno.  i don't know what they've got.
they've got nothing concrete against us, because if it's just hearsay stuff, it's neither here nor there.
it's better i drop you off.
just air your differences and we'll put an end to this. cut to:
see how quickly you can clear it up?
come on, let's get out of here. sam ushers tilley to the door.
you know, when i saw 'bonanza' the other day, something occurred to me. there's those three guys living on the ponderosa and you never hear them say anything about wanting to get laid. you never hear hoss turn to little joe and say 'i had such a hard-on when i woke up this morning.' you know .  they never talk about broads .  nothing. ya never hear little joe say 'hey, hoss, i went into virginia city and saw a girl with the greatest ass i ever saw in my life.' ya just see 'em walking around the ponderosa saying, 'yes, pa,' and 'where's little joe?' nothing about broads. i don't think i'm being too picky.  at least once if they talked about getting horny. i don't care if you're living on the ponderosa or right here in baltimore, guys talk about getting laid. i'm beginning to think that show doesn't have too much realism. what do you think, tilley?
yeah, we'll go and have some lunch at the smorgasbord. cut to:
it doesn't ring a bell to me either, sir.
i don't get the point of this.
i'd go along with that as well.
we didn't get any leads from them. their house was not the showplace that we thought it would be. it didn't generate the activity that we had hoped.
i need a drink. i hate inquisitions. cut to:
ya know, tilley, we been working together for over a year.
i've been thinking that sometimes a different combination makes for better luck. ya know what i mean? i mean, maybe the two of us ain't the right combination.
let's face it, we're not exactly setting the world on fire.
maybe it's a slump, but like baseball, some time they have to change the lineup to get the team going again.
yeah.
i know you're gonna.  i know you're gonna.
look, we beat the commission today .  you know, we got a little bit of a victory. we split right now and maybe we can add to that.  you know what i'm saying?
well, i had a conversation with solly shavitz, so.  maybe i'll go with him. mouse is gonna need a new partner because dennis is going into used cars.