good morning, mr. bassett, this is your wake-up call. please move your fat ass.
did it yesterday. franks and beans.
hell you did. your turn.
how many cows does it take to make a stampede? is it like three or more? is there a minimum speed?
if there was one nearby i'd probably ask him.
handymen, earl. we're handymen.
what, and give up all this personal freedom?
goddamn jeep trail gets worse every year.
do not talk to the driver.
what do we have next?
burt and heather's place is closer. let's do their kitchen today. do nestor tomorrow.
who the hell's that? that's not what's his name. the grad student?
the new one! that's supposed to be a girl!
yeah, geography.
around here? why would they?
yeah, vibrations in the ground.
what the hell do we know about seismographs?
why?
well, sure.
tammy lynn baxter.
well, i'm a victim of circumstance.
ran into the new college student, rona.
yeah, burt. the way you worry, you're gonna have a heart attack before you get to survive world war
could be.
right. we plan ahead. that way we don't do anything right now. earl explained it to me.
we sell 'em to you for three bucks a piece!
you don't get it, pham. the idea was: we were ripping you off.
why don't his parents ever take him to vegas with them?
yeah, nestor, we know. don't worry about it. catch us when you can.
so what if we just did it. today. pack up. drive straight down to bixby. get serious.
so? that car wash pays good, and they're always looking.
yeah, sure. go ahead and plan it. for a year or two.
hey, viola, you've got my permission.
well, you're the one won't work in the car wash. you're the one's gotta have a plan.
what keeps us doing jobs like this is you dragging your feet. i was up for going to bixby. i was getting excited.
i'll call that little bluff. how close?
forget it, man. it's not worth it.
that's the plan.
yep, we're relocating to an area with a greater economic base. hey, mindy, what's the count?
go for it!
damn straight! now there's nothing between us and bixby but nothing!
so long, cactus!
last time down this damn twisty road!
jeez, look at that guy.
especially when it's two hundred feet off the ground.
he's only got one damn jacket. that's him, i'm telling you.
well, shit, we can't leave him up there.
real sorry to bother you, megan, but we figured since jim's a doctor.
but that doesn't make sense. that takes a couple of days, doesn't it?
if he did, why didn't he use his damn shotgun?
oh sure, he figured it was easier to die of thirst? come on, sombody must've chased him up there.
well, whatever the hell happened it's just one more goddamn good reason to haul ass out of this place.
probably up a pole starving itself to death.
i'll go with that plan.
what are you doing?
what the hell?
hey, old fred! fred! where are you?!
what the hell is going on? i mean what the hell is going on?!!
yeah, really sick, man. sweet old fred.
i don't believe this. the phone is out! pham, your phone is out!
consider it stepped on.
brother, we decided to leave this place just one day too late, you know?
those assholes are supposed to be fixing the goddamn road! hey! where are you guys? people gotta use this road, you know! you on a booze break or what?!
jesus! i don't believe this!
i am not!
fuck you!
you're never going to believe this, but the canyon road. we were on it not two hours ago. well, it's completely.
uh. didn't know we had it.
so. it's some kind of snake?
yeah! next time i tell you i'm not hung up!
twenty.
damn right fifteen.
fifteen lousy bucks.
pham, we don't want to be stuck on a couple of canners. they better be fast.
screw you. for all you know they could fly.
the rifle.
good idea. and we'll swing by the doctor's place. they were going to go into bixby but we don't know if they left before the road was out.
great. thank you.
hey, doctor, anybody here?
oh, man, i hate this shit.
then where's the goddamn conway twitty coming from?
that is the plan. i mean, goddamn it! what the hell are those things? how could they bury an entire plymouth station wagon?
i knew it! pham van wouldn't know a decent horse if!
oh shit!
that's how they get you! they're under the goddamn ground!
sons of bitches!
it's gaining on us!!
cold, my ass! it's dead! we killed the bastard!
i got it! here's the other end! just look at what we caught here!
so this is the guy that had your seismos working overtime?
sure, earl, everybody knows about them. we just didn't tell you. come on, nobody's ever seen one of these! we're really in on something here!
you got that right!
naw, don't want to winch it. that'd tear it all up. want to lift it. some kind of crane with lifting straps.
we'll take your word for it.
little sons of bitches.
god, the live ones smell worse tan the dead ones.
i don't know. if this one's any faster than that other one.
atomic testing. or, no, bio- engineering! the government built them, a big surprise in the next war.
maybe it is. why don't you take a little stroll and see?
son of a bitch!
it's been listening to us. it's got no eyes. it sure as hell can't smell anything underground, so i figure.
me, too.
you okay?
no problem. anytime.
first let's see if stumpy's still out there.
well, that's why edgar never got down off that tower.
well, let's just run for it. we outran that one yesterday, at least on a sprint.
well, it's not like we've got a hell of a lot of options.
think it's still following us?
yeah. one, two, three.
go! go! go!
we better get everybody together.
right.
ask me that after you meet one. i think we should all get the hell out while the getting's good.
nestor, damn it, these things are bigger than an airstream trailer!
right. we need to be talking about what we're gonna do.
they caught up with edgar here. they grabbed old fred here. they nailed the asshole dog here. and the doctor's place is here.
rhonda's got an idea about that.
well, it's gonna take us days to get back with help.
i'm gonna help you.
go back, for chrissake!
come on! outta your pants!
you paying attention? this oughta hurt like hell.
first time for me.
those scumsuckers are my radials, pham!
chuck him out the door! like a little hors d'oeuvre.
gotta do something. gotta get the bastards!
son of a bitch! son of a bitch!
everybody! this way! the roof!
rhonda! keep moving. don't stop!
nancy! nestor!
get up on your roof! on your roof! they can come through the floor!
how the hell long it take you to change a tire?
we need another plan.
burt, now listen. we found out what's been killing people. over?
burt, can you hear me now?
burt! this is val! get out of your basement!! take your radio! you and heather get up on your roof! then we'll talk, okay?!
burt, get out! get up on your roof or someplace! we found out what's been killing people! they're under the ground!
listen! listen! we know what they are! they're big things under the ground! much bigger than we thought! they're coming after you! they're coming right now!
they're coming underground! they . they can dig like a son of a bitch. big monsters under the ground, burt! now get the hell out! hurry!
uh. roger that, burt. uh, congratulations. uh, be advised, however, there are four more, repeat, four more motherfuckers. come back.
they got one! they killed one of the sons of bitches!
burt, any chance you can get the rest of them?
what's it doing?
they're studying the buildings.  trying to figure them out.
they're working together, too.
they knocked his place down on purpose, man. they're gonna tear this whole town out from under us!
burt! heather!
we're in deep shit over here. let's change that plan.
forget going for help. we'll all be dead long before you get back.
they're tearing down the houses here! we all gotta get outta here together! now!
yeah, heather, we got you.
what?!! since when the hell's every goddamn thing up to us?!
like what?! there's nothing left that'll make it to the mountains!
we need a helicopter is what we need, or a goddamn tank.
jesus. it's slower than hell.
but. we could pull something! we could, i don't know, drag a car behind it!
its tires are flat.
well. all right! we just roll on out of here!
yeah, good! something to keep them busy. we need a decoy.
i think the ground's getting closer. i think we do it. we're gonna save our asses here!
good point.
i'm making the run to the cat.
get real. i'm faster than you.
only if something happens to me.
yeah, well, you're half right.
watch your ass, shithead.
no fucking way!
we got about three seconds!
let's go you two. we're headed for the mountains.
come on, burt, we can't hold still long. they're damn smart and getting smarter by the minute.
damn it! they'll sink this rig just like a boat!
jesus christ, we're only going nine miles. be there in two hours, tops!
damn it. what the hell are they doing? they're up to something.
they. they dug a trap! i can't believe this!
sure got their attention, though. nice going, burt. earl, what about the cat?
come on, everybody! we gotta run for those rocks over there!
there sure as hell get us if we stay here!
right. we're gonna run. get ready.
let's do it!
no way. we'd need fifty of those things.
not going to pole vault anywhere. that's for sure.
back off, burt!
they'd have dug your place out from under you in half an hour!
there! right straight out in front of you.
come on, you're not going to do your lasso thing?
they're. they're trying to make us move!
it's out last one. we can't kill them all.
so, we get back on that rock and in three days we're dead anyway.
no wait! this way!
i got a goddamn plan!!
get ready!
not yet, not yet.
well, it just suddenly hit me, you know? stampede?
road's in! now, soon as we hit bixby we start making phone calls. we could make some real money off this whole thing, get in people magazine.
sell the movie rights. we're going straight from blue-collar to white -collar.
no ties.
well. you're welcome.
civil? i'm civil.
somebody paying you to do this?
earl, get real. what does she need with a guy like me?
earl, i'm not gonna make a fool of myself! you got that covered.
what?
you are so full of shit.