you made me! why can't you.  unmake me!'
i'm sorry, so, just keep crying or are'we cutting??
you know what, this is nuts. you got my take. i'm done. movie star. we'll be here till chinese new year waitin.' for my man to. cry.
you got my take.
huh, i always found mere observation a little rudimentary. gotta dig deeper to mine the true emotional,paydirt. diagram the source of the pain. then live it.
yeah.  but simple jack thought he was smart. or, rather, didn't think he was retarded. so you can afford to play retarded', being a smart actor. tricky tricky stuff. hats off for going. there. especially.knowing how the academy is about that shit. speedman is lost:
are you serious? everyone knows you don't ever go fully retarded!
check it out. dustin hoffman, rain man. looked retarded. acted retarded. not retarded. he could count toothpicks, cheat at cards. autistic. sure. not retarded. hanks'. forest gump. slow? yes.
you went full retard, man. you never go 14 full retard. don't believe me? ask sean penn, 2001, i am sam. went full retard. went home empty handed. speedman sees this for the truth it is. how could he be so stupid?
but hey, man! who knows? four leaf could be your ticket to oscar gold. i'd lose the hook hands though.  cripples don't give the academy wood either.
are you nuts, shithead? the dude is dead!! sandusky looks unsure. he doesn't want to take sides.
what the fuck is wrong with you people?! speedman shoots him a look then takes a few steps back. he addresses the treeline.
yo, asshole! mothafucka just died! speedman sighs, annoyed.
jaysus! there isn't going to be any movie, ya gobshite!
psst. hey. sandusky turns to see lazarus peeing uncomfortably close to him.
speedman is watching. i don't have much time. i don't really need to piss. i need to talk to you. you went to the boot camp sandusky, right? you can read that map?
good, good. speedman is a tosser. that hoor's melt really thinks this is a movie. and he's got the lot of ya convinced.
of course not! it's only a matter of time before he walks us into more mines or more of whoever the hell was shootin', at us. that muppet's going to get us all killed. i need to convince everyone.to turn around, but i .can't do it without the map. you're the only one who can read it. can i count on you?
good man, good man. lazarus makesa big show of pretending he's done peeing, shaking, etc, and heads back to the group. speedman eyes lazarus. what is he up to? sandusky is just getting comfortable, begins to pee again. he hears another rustle. he turns.to see speedman, right next to him.
look, ya eejit, i mean, if there was a village don't you think we would have hit it by now?
 hey, is there a feckin' river on that map? s.pee`dman refers to the'now sopping wet map.
i don't see a "sampan" boat!
sandusky agrees. with me. don't you, sandusky? kevin is caught, not sure what to d
no, yer an actor. arid if memory serves, a pretty shite one. the actors react -- damn! oh snap! shit! speedman steels' himself.
jay-sus fuck! it's viet cona! not viet congs! viet cong, you plunker! and, hey, if you're so sure of yourself, why don't you let kelvin have a look at the map?! kevin doesn't know what to do -- he doesn't want to get in the middle of this. speedman continues to be the tough guy.
no one is "pussing out." they just prefer not. to die.out here. sandusky, can you get'us back to the landing zone without the map?
okay, which is it, gentlemen? playin' war with mister box office? or staying alive?
make a note gentlemen,. unwittingly, jeffrey portnoy is joining the proud ranks of those of us who have suffered for art. a new frontier for you, funny man. when this is all over, you might have more than flatulence to offer an audience. portnoy looks a little hurt.
you know, redykulous', i respect what it is you do, the rapping, the rhyme-talking -- invented by the irish i might add.
oh. i see. put another way -- you're mad because i can act "black" better than you can.
niggaz always got to be niggaz. this is truly over the line. redykulous lunges at lazarus. they fight. redykulous throws a wide punch, that lazarus deftly avoids, that hooks portnoy right in the jaw. sandusky jumps in and pries them apart.
sandusky is right.  we could all learn a little from his common sense approach. from now on we walk indian style, footstep upon footstep. sandusky. . .you take first position. he breaks off a branch, and hands it to sandusky, and pushes him out front. sandusky gives him a look.
your bravery shames us. sandusky reluctantly starts down the path, tapping for land mines with the branch. the guys follow at a very safe distance. ext. jungle - night am l u i, i nhy close. on speedman's face. after a beat.a drop of water hits him in the.forehead. then another. pull back to reveal a pathetic shelter made. out of headphone. wire, and the in style magazine.' the drip-is now becoming full on rain. he clutches an equal packet and. the cherry chapstick. gently, he puts the chapstick-to his face and takes a tentative bite, as though he were eating human flesh. he then tears open the equal packet and empties its contents into his hand,.and takes. a lick, savoring every granule. he hears a rustling in the bushes across from him. a rodent? food? excited, he pulls out his bowie knife and begins to stalk his prey. now another movement behind.the bush, and a flash of. fur.  stealthily, he moves towards it. with cat like quickness, and knife drawn, he lunges onto the bush, a huge roar is heard.
what's wrong with him?
alright. sandusky? sandusky looks up at him. is he serious?
you and redykulous are gonna have to carry portnoy. god help you. he marches off.
"ext. p.o.w. prison camp -- day"! oranges and lemons,,, the bells of st. clements. speedman was right. we 'are shooting the movie. sandusky grabs the binoculars and starts'looking.
, how could i be so stupid.
how do you know all,this?
what do you see?
sweet mother of jaysus. suddenly: gunfire erupts all around! a band of guerillas have spotted them and are running at them, firing automatic weapons.  the guys scream, and start a frantic retreat down the hill. portnoy suddenly gets well enough to run out of his stretcher for dear life.  in fact, he is actually beating them down the hill.  .when suddenly whump! he falls into a pit!
that's right. so here's the plan. everyone leans forward expectantly.
we sneak out of here, make our way back to the hotel and once we're safe, we alert the government of speedman's situation.
we could fooster about for donkey's years. let:'s quit acting the maggot and nix that mentaller. the guys look at each other. what did that mean?
jaysus! we're too late. they brained him! redykulous grabs the binoculars. sees for himself.
that's the stupidest idea i've ever heard.
listen.  .don't be crazy portnoy --you're not a fuck up. you'make millions of people laugh!
i'll try. lazarus takes speedman's face in his hands, forces him to look at him.
you're chris michael speedman!
you're the greatest star in the world! there's a flicker of intelligence in speedman's eyes. it passes.
the world needs you! it` needs its stars! you make people forget how awful and 1¿½ i ii i. 1 ,14m depressing their lives are! people love your work! and.  i love your work, too. speedman is quiet.
simple jack was magnificent!
jesus! give me time, sandusky! i'm not re- programming a vcr!! you really committed yourself. and for that you deserved an oscar! speedman registers this.
you know who you are.  . you do chris. long beat.
unlike me. what am i doing? i can't do this. how can i convince a man he is who we know he is, when i can't even convince myself of the same thing. he lets go of speedman, and begins to break down.
am i redykulous? .  am i!. or.am i just acting like that's who i am? no. the sad fact is.  i'm not sergeant osiris. . .or father o'malley . or' neil .armstrong. i'm not even .kirk lazarus. i have no idea who i am. the guys look at him.  it's the first time he has let his guard down.
and i guess when you-do themath.  .and boil it all down, i've invented myself so many times.  .became so many people.  .that at the end of the.day. i'm
you mean that?
we gotta go now!! let's move!!
we gotta go! portnoy get yer ass in this
foock! cody lowers the chopper .  speedman jumps out.