ow, shit! i fell right on my ass bone! other "dead" extras begin to hold their heads up and look around. some are amputee stuntmen.
damien, i think i broke my ass. is it possible to break your ass?
plenty of gas right here, d-man! (then feeling the pain in his
me so horny!! me so horny!! he jumps into the pool with her! what a crack up!
dorfie-- did you happenito see that grip withthe bandana?-the big guy?-i was supposed to meet him here. he has a- package of mine. kevin sandusky comes up to them, looking fresh faced and eager.
oh yeah. right. hey, have you seen that grip with the bandana?
hey,. speedman! that bullshit pep'talk made me.h-h-h-h-h-happy! the entire party cuts.up.in loud hysterics. speedman looks hurt. the dj puts on-a redykulous track really loud, and the, place gets even crazier.
this is bullshit! damien marches over to him, and slaps him repeatedly in the face.
i think he's like.  dead.
the last "mugambo" you ever tasted was in your momma's soup bowl. i wouldn't mind slurpin' on a little of that --
i wow. that was really cool.
so.  we're just supposed to keep walking?
what do you mean "soon"?
when's that?
yeah, but maybe we should stay here until they send help! or maybe try to get back to the hotel.
oh, man, this is not' cool, this is not cool at all. speedman grabs the map back from sandusky.
uhhh.  .uhhhhhhhh.
ohhh god! is'anybody boiling!? it's like a sweat lodge out here!
if we can work out some rig to carry m¿½? i think it might subside in a little bit.  no one touches him.
help! guys! wait! redykulous stops and turns around and runs back to him, heroically pulling him out. but.
ow! fuck dude! what the fuck?! he screams in pain! finally, whump!! he disappears into the'hole. redykulous whistles for the guys to join him, and they all pile into the hole.
my ass. i think i took one in the ass.
hey dude! what are you doing! cut it out! that's not the bullet hole. the bullet hole is over here! it dawns on the guys that they have not been looking at the bullet hole. ad-libs of even more disgust.
i gotta get back to the hotel. i'm not gonna make.it.
yeah, but they were trained soldiers. they knew how to take care of themselves.
i need my drugs!
i got an idea. everyone turns to portnoy.
it might be a little crazy, but.
back in '98, i did a low budget titty comedy for skinemax, "sex camp". anyway, me and the campers from the uncool camp had to break into the rich girls' camp. so we did it by building a catapult. they shot us over the wall and we parachuted down. the guys all look at each other.  then finally:
i'm not gonna make it.
then you gotta tie me up. i'm serious. tie me to a tree. no matter how much i scream, or however much-i plead, you.must not untie me. i will be cunning, i will be in pain, and iwill lie. the devil works this way. i will say, do, and excrete many regrettable things. but.no matter what.  .you must leave me alone. beat.
ohhhh. jeeesssusss. it's horrrrible.:.
i can't feel my legs!.
ohhhhh god! there's barbed wire in my
my eyes! someone rip out my fucking
ohh.  . thank god. its over . it's finally over.
ohh good!!!1 make it stop! .  .pahllleeeeeese!
ohh. phew.
i'm clean! i'm clean!!!!! he struggles to his feet, doing a celebratory dance. he immediately gets nauseous again and heaves.
my ' life .be_gins today!
i don't care! it doesn't matter what i do! i'll always be a screw-up! no one will ever respect me.
you said my farts made them laugh! leave me alone!!
no, i can't do it. i need it! i need it!! this'is all i deserve.
laugh at that!! laugh at that bastard!! the guards let off a burst of machine gun fire as portnoy grinds it into their noses.
let's move! we got about sixteen hours before they wake up! they run out.
anybody here know how to fly a helicopter? cause that would come in, handy too.
i'm trying!! portnoy is not being heroic, he, is genuinely having trouble getting in.-the chopper. but then speedman sees something.
	56:
doodyfor dinner!!!
oh, i'm holding them.
what? what did he say? play it through! still rolling! now the extras have stopped fighting -- except for a few way far back.
did we get that on film? the cameraman turns to the ad and then back to damien, looking a bit scared.
when i lost these.  it was as if i saw through these for the first time'. and it was only then that i really began to use these.
there are all these young brothers who got no role models but a bunch of pimp- acting rappers, who glamorize a life of gangsterism and womanizing. i'm just grateful to have this opportunity to be able to represent. redykulous hears this, looks pissed.
that's intimidating. i think i ban handle actors of the unarmed variety.
who are you?
you actually care, don't you?
yes, that was the point. damien, grabs a drink from a passing tray, and downs it. we follow a waiter as he passes speedman with a tray of food. speedman, ungracefully and with his hook hands, grabs a spring roll off the tray. he resumes talking to lazarus who is deeply uninterested.
oh. lazarus laughs and excuses himself by rattling his glass and heading for the bar. speedman stands hurt, delicately holding the spring,roll in his hook.
not to mention my entire bloody life! damien in a final cry of frustration, smashes a bottle on the bar. he succeeds only in cutting his hand.
he. lives in the. water, for many years, he will.  .grow gills .  . do you understand?
someone's an ant? or something???
so, uh, any idea how long we'll be gone? because i left most of my.  vitamins back at the hotel. the other actors chime in with similar concerns, regarding sleeping arrangements, make up facilities, etc.  '
< we have heard an explosion, in the northern sector.>
alright, can we start the scene now? or do you need a formal invitation?! scene 12a, ext. jungle. day. ambush.
hey, cap?: if.i told you something, something kinda personal, you wouldn't think i was crazy, right?
aaaaand.  cut! jesus!. alright! that's the trailer 'right there!
no.  its just that i don't feel so hot.  i left my medication at the hotel.
damien?
ohhhhh-maaaaaaannn. i'm cold. it's
i killed one rick. the thing i love more than anything in the world.
poppy fields?
perhaps some hot tea will make conversing. a little easier?
nothing! probably just the beginning stages of some .  . kinda. jungle fever. more bad noises.
uhhh. i don't think i got the new pages.
my apologies for almost.beating you to death before.
i mean, some of us might not come back.
so what's the plan?
he really knows how to handle a client. he hands the assistant the fax.
where is portnoy?!
c'mon chris! dammit! you must know who
but you.  you can tell the story. . .you have to tell the real story.  and four leaf.  or marvin.  dies. speedman begins to weep. tears. yes, he is crying, for real.