i'll hire the trainers too.  well run it by them, you won't know until you try.  so, they can stay the night. i'll put 'em up at the plaza, nice suite, park view.  okay double it.  triple it.  everything's about money. look, on sunday, my daughter, an angel, turns six, it's not likely to happen again. she
whoa, look at you. the marlboro man.
if you can sell you'll never starve. ever speak in public? perform? anything like that?
i know, i'm talking about not in uniform.
oh really? so you're religious?
certain things, you either are or you aren't. which is it?
relax. what do i care? besides, it's against the law to hire based on religious orientation. you're not a republican are you? just kidding.
c'mon, you won three conference titles at a major university. you think i went to college? i'm autodidactic. big word, huh? know what it means? self-taught. partially by reading, sure, but mostly by keeping my eyes open and asking a lot of stupid fucking questions. i swear to god i'm looking at myself 30 years ago. a taller, more athletic version maybe, but the resemblance is remarkable.
i'm not supposed to smoke any more, among other things. it's bad for my condition. so before i die, did you do anything other than the sports phone in vegas?
chump change, brandon. we're angling for bigger fish here. you see, the networks don't talk about it and uncle sam can't tax it, but sports gambling is a 200-billion-dollar-a-year-business. these gamblers have needs, brandon. come monday morning, after a losing weekend, a lot of them have big needs.
that's every pro game played last sunday.
there is no yacht. good, keep asking question. next.
i know. what else?
that's where we print the money. any more?
great. welcome aboard. we got some good stuff to work with.
ever have a manicure?
because you need one. besides, there's a girl you gotta meet.
beautiful, you'll like her--
i'm starting you on the 900 numbers, same gig you did in vegas. you'll make your picks and record them every day, once a day monday through friday and five times a day on weekends. each call's worth 25 bucks a shot. right now we get a few dozen hits a week. we should be doing triple that. i'm sending down some test copy. before you record it, a little advice.
your pitch sucks, it doesn't exist. the pieces are there, we just gotta bust you out.
from now on you have a new name -- john anthony, "the million dollar man."
brandon lang is still at home with his mother. you're selling a lifestyle here, and john's livin' large. john's got a direct line to god and for a measly 25 bucks a call you're gonna let the world's losers listen in.
what's your sales pitch?
stats aren't enough! these are gamblers
certainty in an uncertain world!
what is that shit? you spent 6 years bouncing from one dead-end job to another. riding to work on a frigging bicycle. were you making some kind of statement? what the hell were you afraid of?
you are back in the game! convince me you belong here!
it's a start.
no. what do you want, brandon? that's what this is about!
 huh?.  it's nothing.
not unless they got a spare heart. i'm okay.
courage wants to laugh.
he's a machine, all he does is work out and pick winners. talk about fit. go take a peek, see him with his shirt off. i did. he's a serious side of beef.
check him out, you know you want to.
it's bruchetta. like little pizzas without the cheese.
don't worry about it. anyone goes 20 for 24 in college football, 12 for 14 pro can call it whatever he wants. ever drink a thousand dollar bottle of wine? steward!
it's a celebration. just because he's out with a couple of reformed drunks doesn't mean he can't enjoy himself.
he thinks we're fighting.
175 calls on the 900 number.
he's very close. they sound terrific.
kid grew up with the frigging cleavers.
i should've ordered two.
oh yeah, i've been meaning to tell you. i had a check-up yesterday. afterwards
you didn't touch the sauce.
i read chocolate's good for you.
don't get dramatic, toni. in biblical times you'd just move in with my brother morty.
--wow. what a meal. do you feel good, brandon? content?
yeah, i can tell. don't be. ever. one week's over, another begins. the past is merely a prologue. in this job you have to push the envelope every day.
look at that. beauty and the beasts. what do you think of her, brandon?
cute doesn't half cover it. the girl's gorgeous. and bored out of her mind. waiting for some young buck to save her from those two gorillas. check it out. she's eyeing you again, brandon.
i'll bet you 10-to-1 on a 1000 you can't pick her up, cash, if you leave with her.
who's gambling? it's a challenge. if brandon leaves with her i give him ten thousand dollars, that's probably more than he made last year. if not, he gives me a grand, which i'll give to you.
all right. before you bust a move, just one thing.
i'll send over a bottle of champagne.
the voice of reason. she's right. i owe 'em a meal. hey -- here we go, brandon, your girlfriend's going to the bathroom.
well get moving, slick.
hey, i just raised the bar. c'mon, kid. john anthony could close her.
everything you've ever done's been leading up to this moment. put your ear to the door. hear that? it's the sound of possibilities. the din of greatness.
we use the 800 number and free tips to bait the hook. then the bettors are
this is the day's phone sheet, it's a list of everyone who's called. only way to keep track of the action. all leads equal money.
fuck him if he can't take a joke.
it better be. five of these guys are off-duty cops. we're just advising people how to bet, not making the bets for 'em.
brandon lang, meet reggie.
i had three guys who picked games. i fired one last weekend. i'm giving you his job. this is your office. from here out your picks are going straight to our biggest customers. how do you like it?
what do you think?
jerry's our top handicapper, came to me straight out of grad school. jerry, meet the new kid in town.
not you. john anthony.
that's a shock 'cause i'm standing in his office and you're sitting in his chair!
pushing people? get real, this country was built on gambling. look at wall street -- one big casino. the state spends millions hawking the lottery. if people want to pay for advice on who to bet, who are we to say no? stop being selfish, spread the word! check your bible, brandon, tis better to give than receive.
big bettors don't want to talk to a middle man, they want to speak to the guy making the picks -- and you're picking 80 percent winners.
--jesus, don't start that shit again. sell me.
what happened to the fuck?
i can't have someone working for me who can't say fuck.
because there's no other fucking word that can convey the precise feeling and fucking flavor of life's various predicaments and certain concepts the way a well-placed fuck can. fuck is your friend. fuck can be your best friend.
chaucer used it 600 years ago. it was good enough for him. c'mon--
c'mon, repeat after me -- fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. fuck he, fuck she, fuck me, fuck them, fuck me -- try it.
backbone. almost as good. we'll keep working on the other thing.  so, you really like new york in tonight's game?
continue your education.
we're here for the gambler's anonymous meeting.
my name's walter. i'm new to the group.
not even close. you're a lemon. like a bad car, there's something inherently defective in you. and you. and me! all of us here -- we're lemons! big, juicy, acidic, ice-tea flavoring lemons! we look like everyone else but we're defective because when most people make a bet they want to win, while we, the degenerate gamblers of the world, we're subconsciously playing to lose. all humans like going to the edge of the abyss, but what makes us different is we go all the way and hurl ourselves off into the void! and we like doing it so much we do it time after time after time! me? i always felt most alive when they were raking away the chips, and every one here knows what i'm talking about. people like us, even when we win, it's just a matter of time before we give it all back. but when we lose, and i mean the kind of loss that makes your asshole pucker to the size of a decimal point, there's a moment when you're standing there and you've just recreated the worst possible nightmare this side of malignant cancer for the 20th goddamn time and you suddenly realize -- hey, i'm still here, i'm still breathing, i'm still alive! in order to really live you have to be aware of your own mortality -- and a losing bet of a certain size is one of the best ways
 yeah. so?
check the charter, buddy, we all left our jobs at the door. you gonna toss an ex-alcoholic bartender out of an aa meeting?
 what'd you just say?
no, you said "what the fuck?" that's what you said.
that was great! it was all worth it! don't you see? i felt your anger because of that one word! well done! i'm proud of you! the progress you're making brandon, i gotta say, it's exhilerating!
there's only one thing you have to know about any of our clients -- they're all in the hole. the second they pick up the phone, wham! right to the point! you're above them! let 'em feel it! more confidence! more john anthony!
10-2 in pro football? 85 percent for the weekend? jesus, you're a mutant.
life is fucking.  good.
i've been tracking you since last year.
--can i get the damn thing out? i want to put john anthony on tv this week.
that's right. you, john anthony. you're one in the same.
hold on. before i say another word, understand -- you do this thing, brandon, and from here out you gotta eat, sleep, shit, breathe, walk, talk and fart john
bet your ass it is. five-star.
living, not acting. you understand that as of right now brandon lang with his fettucini knee and his self-fucking pity is as flat dead as donald trump's hair and john "i-can-walk-on-fucking-water" anthony has taken his place?
she's right. there's no going back. i mean that. this is gonna cost me. i'm talking about building an empire around you. do you understand that?
i need a new car for my friend.
with my wife naked.
i think he likes that one.
you okay?
don't worry about your lines, it's all scripted. you've been here before, kid, just think of it like a football game.
how?
perfect, then you're a lock to win.
welcome to this week's edition of the sports advisors! america's premier sports information program with myself, walter abrams, jerry sykes, chuck adler and a truly gifted newcomer to the sports advisor panel, a substantial find -- john anthony! we're entering week six in pro football! this is when the cream rises to the top! this is when things get hot! it's oven mitt time! this is big-time ball season so let's get right into it with the wizard of odds -- jerry "the source" sykes! jerry, what's the sykes system predicting for this weekend?
our experts know how to read between the lines, we know how to analyze a point spread, we're not pulling rabbits out of
 it bites you on the ass?
i'm not here. go back to sleep.
going for a run. see the sunrise. we're doubling volume this week. and doubling it again after that. he can pick, he can sell, he's gonna change things around here. he's the real deal. knows sports from the inside. that's how he picks. guy like him comes along once in a -- a --
yeah, a lifetime.
not tired.
i'm just gonna run the bridge, up fifth, circle central park, be back in no time.
just a quick once-around.
just for a sec. i've gotta meet the trainer tomorrow. told me to run. run in place, or from one place to another.
what a weekened! helluva christmas bonus if this keeps up. where'd you hide the phone sheet?
did brandon take the call?
don't mention it to him. and don't patch the guy through. say brandon doesn't work here, you can't reach him.
for some people.
there's a 50-dime bettor on line three. wants to talk to john anthony.
his name's carl. carl owns a couple dozen mcdonalds franchises. guy's a gazillionaire. that sign out front might as well be his bank account.
was.
your clients are jumping ship you lactose intolerant fuck! get outta my sight!
easy 200, huh? here's something extra for a cab.
no, no, you think she was for me? are you crazy? no. i just had her come up to pay her. i got her for john.
you think i slept with her? c'mon!
brandon, we all call him john now.
new city, no friends, working all hours.
i don't understand this. i was helping him out, that's all.
this kid's different, he's different -- wait a minute. this has nothing to do with you, you know i do business up here. why are you so angry?
you're jealous. look at you!
gee, i don't know -- brandon screwing someone?
that's not where those thoughts enter.
you'll be happy to know he didn't sleep with her. i paid her off just for coming. no pun intended.
 julia my jewel, you're getting big angel.
course we can. who am i gonna be?
look at you. i like the tan.
john's up first tonight, jerry.
john anthony's leading off tonight.
somebody tell the engineer there's an echo in here.
no, that's called a mutual fund, jerry.
he's leading.
that's baby talk! you need a fucking rattle! sit down!
see that? he made the safe play. me, i would've walked, but i'm a fucked-up human being. that's the difference between us. right there. jerry's a statistician, i'm a gambler. and you're not a gambler, not really -- until you bet more than you can afford to lose.
welcome to week 7 of pro football!
i'm starved, there's a new steak house around the corner. you two split a prime rib, i'll get the porterhouse, we'll whack it up!
stop worrying. we're set--
shoot.
of course. you don't need distractions, there's a lot of crazies out there.
you're asking, i'll tell you.  yeah.
hold on, brandon, if i didn't block his calls would you've talked to him? honestly.
then what exactly is the point, brandon? what's the full story here? what's the deal with your old man?
--i only know pieces. i was trying to spare you from something.
 that's it? that's the best you can do? hell, toni and i'll match our dysfunctional childhoods against yours
"great?" tell him about the uncle--
don't sugarcoat this shit, you were abused by everybody but the family pet, isn't that right, honey?
if not me, then pick someone else. it's all in your head! the shit that happened to you, to toni, to me -- you know what it is? just that, shit that happened.
dad! is that you?
how's mom?!
i love you too! don't wait up!
we're going to puerto rico!
since ricky martin moved out, all that's left are tourists, cruise ships and c.m. novian -- one of the biggest sports bettors in the world. he just called. wants to meet you in person! to-day! flight leaves laguardia in 45 minutes.
not much, 'cept for the fact he's a world class prick. bastard treated me worse than my hong kong tailor. never once returned a call. i've been trying to bag this guy for years. do you have any idea what this is worth?
look at me. there is no if -- it's only when. this time he called us, remember? you hooked him. know that. sweat that.
brandon --
 do you love me?
uh-huh.
 how much?
i believe you. i believe you love me. i love you too.  just one thing --
 would you love me if this was a joke?
i'm fine. just practicing.
i'm okay! little gas. must've had too many peanuts on the plane.
you weren't listening! you're not paying attention to me! there's no such thing as too far! push everything as far as you can! push it until it starts pushing back and then push some goddamn more! remember that when you're with this guy today!
i start to die, fuck the hospital, just sit me down, i wanna kack here.
mr. novian! what can i say? an honor. this is my associate, john anthony.
they score, we win!
100 fucking percent!
here, get you teeth fixed. there might be some other businesses you can make two mill in one weekend, but tell me, someone please tell me -- where else are you gonna have this much fun?
a one with five zeros behind it.
you're working out of my shop.
really? is that what you were thinking?
nice job, now don't blow it by getting ahead of yourself. i'm looking beyond the money.
"fair?" honey, you don't know what fair is. what's fair is not giving you the money. now i'm only gonna say this once. if you want something from me more than a gazunheidt after a sneeze you have to do more than think about it. or ask for it. you gotta earn it. you gotta fight for it. you gotta rip it out of my fucking talons. john anthony would know that. that's what he'd do. as a matter of fact, next time you come with that shit, come as john anthony. 'cause from now on i'm not talking to you about money.
dance with me. close, that's it. i gotta dance with you more. listen, i'm thinking of buying a plane. big one. g-something. we can just get on it and go, you and me, anywhere in the world, any time we want. there's a house for sale in the bahamas with a runway right beside it. comes with its own 50-foot boat. two for one. what an investment. anything happens, you and jules always have it. let's go down and check it out. next week, just us, barefoot in the sand.
what? oh, c'mon -- hell no.
i am not gambling. not now, not ever. 18 years clean. that shit's over.
get a lie detector if you don't believe me. shoot me with truth serum. baby -- we just made two-million dollars. i'm working miracles here. now can i enjoy a dance with my wife? huh? i swear, it's a shame you can't drink, we need something to kill that bug up your ass.
know what time it is?
--wrong. it's time to press, my friend. we're yanking out all the stops. when you're winning -- you press.
what are you doing?
the salmon are running! you're staying right here and fielding calls. you're not going off to play golf and have fun.
stop screwing around, you got a lot to do before this weekend.
whoa -- hold on -- slow down -- today's only tuesday, you have all week.
hey -- we're gonna be advising somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 million dollars this week.
you're really gonna make your picks now? no study? no analysis? just like that?
 okay, fine. take a break. go play golf. we'll put the picks on ice and look 'em over tomorrow.
then the next day!
sit down! you're watching every game! every second of every minute of every game! don't even think of leaving!
 how do you go 3 and 11? wanna know how -- you make sunday's picks on tuesday! it rained in cincinatti! two starting qbs didn't play! you're a handicapper, not a psychic!
fuck monday night! fuck the parlay!
you fucked with me, right? joke's on me, right? the money thing. okay, i think we're on dangerous ground here but i'm giving you a bump, 10 percent. now what about monday night's game? you want to look over that pick? because everyone's gonna double down to climb out of the fucking hole you put 'em in.
you'd bet your mother's house on it?
if you did?
on your mother's house or not?
helluva swing. great game. sport of kings, right? or is that horse racing?
southie told me where you were.
you haven't seen the scores?
highest sales volume ever. take a guess.
it was amazing.
you're right, nothing compared to how much we lost today!
i have an idea. i give you a few glimpses of what happened here today and you take a stab.
you don't like that game. too bad. woulda been fun. grown men crying on the phone. wives screaming in the background. three salespeople quit 'cause they couldn't take the pressure!
no. when you lose 10 out of 12, fuck doesn't quite cover it. what would be more appropriate is something like "holy fucking shit!" or "my fucking god." or "jesus fucking christ!"
you're right. i mean 2 for 12 on our biggest volume weekend -- what the hell's left to say? except maybe keep the phone number and switch it over to a fucking suicide hotline!
tomorrow morning, brandon! bright and early! we start in all over again! no getting off! i'm gonna ride you until you're more sick of me than losing! turn it around and we avoid a lot of pain!
i'm busy.
you got a good hole, jerry. stay in it.
you got one good weekend under your belt, don't push it.
take a hike.
you heard me. you're fired. goodbye.
beat it, you cut-rate parasite!
get out! you don't work for me anymore!
i am! you couldn't pick your fucking nose without a computer! you're small! you belong in a can! show some self-respect! it's over, jerry -- leave!
 fuck him where he flosses. asshole doesn't understand i'm building an empire around you. finish the countdown, we got a big weekend to get to! let's go, chop chop!
no! c'mon in. we're done here. right fellas? all through? you want a bite before you go? something to drink?
we need a bat light or something, you know a signal i can shoot up at the
they're from the salvation army. how the hell does someone go 1-for-8? a fucking monkey tossing darts could do better!
1-for-fucking-8!
i was carrying twice that in red ink before you showed up. the last few weeks i thought keep the pressure off. he'll come around. climb out on his own. now i figure fuck it! time to turn on the lights! let him see the toilet he's drowning us all in! maybe that'll shake him up! so what do you want to know? i got three mortgages on this house, i'm gambling again and to cover my losses i just got a loan from a guy who works out of a bar on a 106th and broadway! all this -- everything you see around you --
you went 82 and 11! you were picking 80 percent -- how could i fucking not!? trouble is i bet heavy after you went a hundred percent and rode you right into the fucking toilet! one decent weekend and i would have been set for life! one decent weekend!
"i know what the problem is!" that's it! you came in with a big smile and said, "i know what the problem is!"
--you can pick again! of course!
you want anything shipped from home? your bed? clothes? porno collection?
blow job?
because it's important.
god forgive me, you're an artist. i fucked with that. two little winners and a couple of over. unders. that's all we need. you could phone it in. two's nothing. not for you. not for brandon. right, brandon? isn't that right?
these are the winners?
brandon made these picks?
sure, angel. i need you to root for me.
because brandon likes them.
that's great.
you're not gonna sit there and tell me you're ending this because you have a little indigestion or some insomnia.
i made it very clear before we started what the stakes were.
wrong! hot streaks go cold, cold streaks go hot. bettors will climb back aboard.
sports betting's year-round.
you made a career choice! i bankrolled it!
of course you stick up for him!
who's side are you on?
i created the hottest sports tout this country's ever seen! i plugged him, took out full page ads, built a show around him, hooked him up with every major client i have and i will be goddamned if he's going to walk out the door and take all that with him! why the hell am i even explaining this to you! this is between me and him! get out!
i need you to tell me how to talk to my wife? when i'm talking you'll shut your fucking toilet!
wake up.
five in the morning. listen, i gotta fly to vegas to meet with some clients. hand holding thing. keep 'em on board for the final game. because you can do this thing, brandon. end of the season's the perfect place to turn this streak around. i'll be back to you out to dinner. get you back in the groove. 9:30. nobu. gotta catch my flight. see you tonight. look sharp. we're turning it around.
look at that. with the leaves and all. this goes on my desk.
new york minus the two-and-a-half points and the over, what should i know?
hello everybody and welcome to the big weekend! john anthony's just given me tremendous news about his assessment! let me say to all of you who've used our service and those of you thinking of using it for the first time -- never before in the history of this industry has an offer been made like the one i'm about to present to you now! i am so confident of john anthony's picks for this sunday, so sure of the skills he's brought to bear and so anxious to get you on the phone and dialing the toll free number on your screen that for the first time in sports service history i will guarantee our picks this weekend! what's that mean? tell us how much you're betting with your bookie. you lose, we cover! that's right! risk free! lock of the millenium! now let's go to the oracle, god's gift -- john anthony!
we're that sure! john, rundown the pitfalls facing the average bettor. i mean a game this huge, all the added dynamics, without your expertise most bettors might as well just.  flip a coin, am i right?
you think? well i say if you can flip a coin to pick, i can guarantee the game!
fuck it, i'm ruined anyway.
i think you do. the best part of the best drug in the world isn't the high.
that's it! no more calls! kill the phones! kill 'em now -- right now!
hold onto that coin you flipped. game keeps up like this i'll have to borrow it.
where the hell's brandon?
you're missing the game! we're back in it! a new york touchdown and we win both bets!
 he left.
and you didn't you tell me?
just like that? no goodbye?
i'm sure it is.  i wonder what's not in here?
what do you mean, what do i mean? when it comes to brandon you seem to have all the answers.
he said that to you?
i think it's something else.
you know.
you have no idea, huh?
no i'm not. this is the game.
something was bothering him. i mean sure, maybe he was homesick. or i was thinking maybe he had such, you know, deep feelings for me he couldn't face saying goodbye. what a minute. i just
do you deny it?
i know you did!
i saw you, toni! i saw you go into his room that night! this room! with him! i never went to vegas!
don't talk to me about lying!
don't make this about me!
yeah, i put the tray out there -- but you didn't have to shove an apple in your mouth and jump on it! on him!
admit it!
you're damn right i did!
you don't deny it!
what the hell are you talking about?