uhhhh -- yes. no, i'm afraid it's true. there's no other wizard except me. yes-s-s -- that. that's exactly so. i'm a humbug! oh, no, my dear -- i'm -- i'm a very good man. i'm just a very bad wizard. uh - now, please don't be angry with me. i'll - i'll do anything you say, only. only if you don't shout at me. it makes me nervous! yes. well, i -- well, i -- well, i -- well, i-- but you've got them. you've had them all the. time! well -- you do? boys, you're aiming low. you not only surprise, but you grieve me. why, anybody can have a brain. that's a very mediocre commodity. every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth -- or slinks through slimy seas has a brain! from the rock-bound coast of maine to the sun. oh - oh, no -- -- ah - well, be that as it may. back where i come from we have universities, seats of great learning -- where men go to become great thinkers. and when they come out, they think deep thoughts -- and with no more brains than you have. but! they have one thing you haven't got! a diploma! therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the universitatus committeeatum e plurbis unum, i hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of th.d. yeah -- that. that's dr. of thinkology! well, you can't. as for you, my fine friend -- you're a victim of disorganized thinking. you are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. you're confusing courage with wisdom. back where i come from, we have men who are called heroes. once a year, they take their fortitude out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. and they have no more courage than you have. but! they have one thing that you haven't got! a medal! therefore -- for meritorious. conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches, i award you the triple cross. you are now a member of the legion of courage! as for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart! you don't know how lucky you are not to have one. hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. i could have been a world figure, a power among men, a - a successful wizard, had i not been obstructed by a heart. yes -- . back where i come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. they are called phil. er -- er -- phil -- er, yes. good-deed-doers. and their hearts are no bigger than yours. but! they have one thing you haven't got! a testimonial! therefore, in consideration of your kindness, i take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection. and remember, my sentimental friend. that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others. ah -- yes. dorothy -- ah -- dor -- cu -- dorothy -- well, no - no -- on the contrary, on the - i -- ah -- on the contr -- -- here -- well, you force me into a cataclysmic decision. the only way to get dorothy back to kansas is for me to take her there myself! cu -- dorothy reacts, speaks -- child -- you cut me to the quick! i'm an old kansas man myself. born and. excellence to the miracle wonderland carnival company -- until one day, while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill never before attempted by civilized man, an unfortunate phenomena occurred. the balloon failed to return to the fair. yes. there was i, floating through space - - a man without a continent! cu -- dorothy -- frightened? you are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death -- sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe. i was petrified. then suddenly the wind changed, and the balloon floated down into the heart of this noble city, where i was instantly acclaimed oz, the first wizard de luxe! times being what they were, i accepted the job, -- retaining my balloon against the advent of a quick get-away. and in that balloon, my dear dorothy, you and i will return to the land of e pluribus unum! good people of oz, this is positively the finest exhibition ever to be shown -- -- yes -- well -- be that as it may -- i, your wizard par ardua ad alta, am about to embark upon a hazardous and technically unexplainable journey into the outer stratosphere. to confer, converse, and otherwise hob- nob with my brother wizards. and i hereby decree that until what time -- if any -- that i return, the scarecrow, by virtue of his highly superior brains, shall rule in my stead. assisted by the tin man, by virtue of his magnificent heart. and the lion -- by virtue of his courage! obey them as you would me! and - ah - well, that's all. this is a highly irregular procedure! this is absolutely unprecedented! -- ruined my exit! i can't come back! i don't know how it works! goodbye, folks!