you're going, already?
carl. it's peter. where are you?
no. it's just -- we're at rudy's. celebrating new year's.
oh, c'mon, carl. no one's seen you for like forever. please swing by?
(over the answering
this is an intervention. you've missed your last event.
our engagement party.
you're watching hell's kitchen. that's not even b-list reality tv.
it's bigger than that. you and kath broke up over a year ago and you still aren't dating anyone.
i don't mean to be harsh but everyone's moving forward. it's like you're still wearing a timex while the rest of us each have entry level rolexes.
thanks for noticing. it's an oyster perpetual yachtmaster. sapphire crystal, self-winding. four gs. but that's not the point i'm trying to make.
what's wrong with crate and barrel? they have adorable stuff at reasonable prices.
lifestyle? you have to have a life to have a style of life. you never leave your apartment. you never meet anyone new.
you've become a complete cave dweller.
just the other day? that was seven years ago.
you had started there three years earlier. why you've worked at that place for so long is beyond me. you had so much potential. you shouldn't be a teller. you should be the guy who tells the guy who tells the teller what to do.
actually, he'd be in fourth grade.
carl, it's peter. i just wanted to apologize about barging in yesterday. you were right. it's your life to live.
me, lucy and kath are all going out for brunch. you have any interest in joining?
excuse me?
if you don't want to be here, you don't have to be.
oakleys, polarized lenses, indestructible. two fifty but worth every penny.
if you want to be sitting so bad, why don't you say something?
what's going on with you?
she's a fancy lawyer making bank. it's about time she was buying.
what're you looking at?
i don't think i've ever seen a waiter tap one of those pepper mills.
because you ordered a latte.
a normal-sized beer is fine with me.
we need a sofa, carl. we're not buying a second home.
for a whole year?
but for a whole year?
well, someone sounds like they're yuppifying their life.
there's no way you can do this for a whole year.
yesponsor?
you aren't going to last for more than a week.
cavalli. silk and cotton blend. seven fifty.
that's too bad. i'm sure someone will offer.
sorry, didn't bring my wallet.
what's with the kitten?
i don't want a kitten.
hey, asshole, we're not talking until you sign that goddamn contract.
she was upset you went on her date.
i think you're taking this too far.
you hooked up with a dude?
you hate korean food.
i likey your suit-ey. hugo boss?
if you'll excuse me.
nice job with renee. she's definitely odd, but that's not necessarily --
what? why?
don't get mad at me about it. you can just stop.
you've gone from a passive guy who always said no to a passive guy who always says yes. just saying yes is not a legitimate life philosophy.
i'm involved.
i can't see the difference. honestly, i'm terrified.
it's marriage, you know? the biggest thing ever.
i know.
i know.
really?
but what if i really can't tell the difference between ivory and cream? does that make me a bad husband?
you own an apartment because of that job. people don't generally leave good jobs.
hey, honey. i think we should go with the tulips. i know roses are more romantic, but they're also much more clichd. babe, can you wait a second? i'm going to be on for a while. ask your guru. he's the one who sent you on this retarded quest in the first place.
(over the answering
why does he want us here?
wow. there's a horse in here.
what're you doing out here?
what're you talking about?
	62:
well, look, this sucks, but i understand where you're coming from.
should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?
like a robot. two years, and nothing.
since you don't work here anymore, you want to throw a couple?
i've been a teller at southwest bank for ten years? how the hell did that happen? ten years.  if i had had a child, he'd be toilet-trained by now.
whatever. i don't need this shit right now. i'm an adult man. i can live my life as i see fit. can you please leave?
uh, yeah.
have you been to this before?
morning, carl. this is a surprise.
yeah. we cool.
i didn't realize you were looking to buy a place. i thought you and i would be renters to the end.
shut up.
you want both?
yes.
you're all welcome to have some.
yes.
the flying buttresses.
i don't break them. i just wanted to rhyme. if she wants us to loan her ten thousand or more, great. otherwise, i think her only option is a loan shark.
so, what'd he say?
save the cheerleader, save the world.
you cannot say "yes, the world is flat" because that is an untruth.
if you say `no', even once, even for a cup of coffee, be prepared to lose every single little thing you've gained.
so what do you say, carl?
what do you say?
hey, you want to throw my wedding shower?
yes.
and could i also have a mocha caramel coolata.
everyday, the unicorns they play. among lingonberry fields. they silently bay. the king has no crown. just a vest of grass. the queen loves the jester. the jester has the last laugh.
you are my minotaur. with your cloven hooves!. half man, half horse. you are all boy to me
unless of course, you want to help?
i guess now i'll be doing that tomorrow.
i was walking past pizza hut the other day, and for a second i was sure the sign said "pizza hat." and then i thought, wouldn't it be funny if there was a shop that sold hats shaped like pizzas? you know. because it sounds like "pizza hut" only it's a hat shop.
yes.
how about you? do you like the bank?
i just gave the answer i've automatically given for years. i'm actually enjoying the bank for the first time maybe ever. i started this pilot program that gives out microloans.
spainerica?
i'm not supposed to tell anyone this except for my yesponsor, but you can change your life. i've changed mine. if i tell you how, will you promise not to tell anyone?
nothing. do you want to go?
just go.
yes.
apartment.
i prefer light beer.
three to five times a week.
orlando.
yes.
no, we just had american food, american fare.
we want two tickets on the next plane out of here.
i mean, i know we haven't really been seeing each other for that long, but i don't know.
yes, i have. but i was in high school. i was a mess. she had cheated on me --
pardon the pun.
yes. and yes.
yes.
you're a total con artist.
i've put my life into the hands of a con artist! and because of you i have this retarded yes branded on my hand for life! (yelling to the