listen to this -- the entire work force of the state of virginia had to have solitaire removed from their computers -- -- because they hadn't done any work in six weeks. you know what this is, you know what we're seeing here? we're seeing the end of western civilization as we know it. you think that machine is your friend, but it's not. i'm late. sushi. when you are finished with foxbooks, the shop around the corner is going to be responsible for reversing the entire course of the industrial revolution. hey -- what? listen to it. just listen-- the olympia report deluxe electric report. as in gunshot. now listen to this. the gentle and soothing lullaby of a piece of machinery so perfect -- i needed a backup. i might, i might. so what? i'll stop. i'll try. i probably can't. i see one and my knees go weak. anyway, what were you starting to say? before. come on. all you really do is this incredibly noble thing -- kathleen -- you are a lone reed. you are a lone reed waving in the breeze standing strong and tall in the corrupt sands of commerce. i saw him. i actually saw him. i can't believe it. i saw william spungeon. maybe he's in mexico, but today he was in new york. the most brilliant and reclusive novelist in the history of the world is here, in this neighborhood. he may be living on this very block. i was on the subway -- -- and this musician got onto the train -- -- and i suddenly saw him, sitting directly across from me doing the crossword puzzle. he looked exactly the same as his high school yearbook picture, which happens to be the last photograph ever taken of him. so i followed him. he went into h&h and bought a bagel with everything. he dropped his crossword into the garbage and i rescued it. then he went into a sporting good store and bought tube socks, 6 pair for $7.99. i know. i don't want to dwell on it. and then i lost him. do you know what this is worth? what i was thinking as i was trailing him was that eventually i would have the courage to say hello to him, you know, not in a horrible, intrusive or slavering fan-slash-acolyte kind of way, but more like, "hi." "how ya doing?" "have you ever thought about trading up in the sock area?" "who knows, maybe he's read my work -- and then we'd become friends, and eventually i'd introduce him to you -- you know how much he loves children's books, there's a whole long section in relativity's smile about the wizard of oz -- and then maybe he'd come out of hiding so he could help save the store. from foxbooks. i mean, if things got tough, he could help rally support -- i don't even know why you would say that? there's enough business for us all. you're more than fine, you're absolutely fine. hey, vince. congratulations. you know kathleen kelly. guess who i saw today on the subway? william spungeon. hi. i'm frank navasky -- joe fox? inventor of the superstore, enemy of the mid-list novel, destroyer of city books -- tell me something: how do you sleep at night? yes. you liked my piece. god, i'm flattered. you know you write these things and you think someone's going to mention them and then the whole week goes by and the phone doesn't ring, and you think oh, god, i'm a fraud, a failure -- oh sure, it's passed through my head. something really relevant for today like the luddite movement in 19th century england. i really like patricia eden. she's a very nice person. she needs educating, that's all. she's hopelessly driven by money and power, but there's a hope for anyone who's that familiar with my work -- you think it's a little over the top? thank you. it's him. god. it is god. i'm frank navasky. i carry your picture in my wallet. the press? i'm the press. i know all your books. phaelox the gnome, the little man who comes from nowhere. and is going nowhere. "where did you come from?" "nowhere." "where are you going?" "nowhere." this is historic. do you realize what i've done? by writing that piece, do you realize? i've brought william spungeon in from the cold. holy shit. i am completely amazing. thank you. well, i knew william spungeon loved children's books so i wrote a provocative column -- and it kind of smoked him out. hey, i was just being polite. okay, i admit, i slobbered all over her. she fell in love with generalissimo franco? who else could it have been? it was probably around 1960 -- it happened in spain. people do really stupid things in foreign countries. well she's out of her mind. i could never ever be with anyone who doesn't take politics as seriously as i do. a hot dog is singing. you need quiet while a hot dog is singing? what? since when do you get manicures? forget it. it's okay. i forgive you. what's going on? look, this has been a big week, you're closing the store -- i know, that was terrible of me. to jump all over you when i'm the one who's really. oh, god, i don't know how to say this -- you're a wonderful person, kathleen. and i'm honored that you want to be with me because you would never be with anyone who wasn't truly worthy -- oh, god, don't say that, please, that just makes it worse. you don't love me? but we're so right for each other. i mean, nothing's happened or anything. i can't help myself.