it's awesome. it's pleather.
i didn't say a word! i swear! you know janine. she's got x-ray vision. camping! a total stranger.
see ya', hottie.
"sweetheart?" "babe?" "aphrodite?"
so this is gonna' be like your car?
ten years. a little dried out.
yeah? okay, so?
were you inside her?
it counts. next. . what?
you know enough of my secrets to get me shot. sharon's mom on thanksgiving? what the fuck dream is there you can't tell me?
you have gotta' be fuckin' kiddin' me. you're not thirteen!
i think it's good you bought this truck.
whoa. that was her! jesus, you're sweatin' like crazy.
what?!
yeah?
okay, i don't know. so?
i really thought you gettin' laid was gonna' help. what is it with you, man? i mean, you're smarter than me, you're better lookin' than me.
i know. but i'm just sayin', you can get any girl you want.
i'm still workin' on my ged. how long you think brainiac's gonna' wanna' hang with that?
man, i'm gonna' be that wild fling she had with the local dude from the bike shop. "god, what was his name?"
you're gonna' have a great time with her tonight. just be yourself. . mostly.
we takin' up boxing?
what's goin' on? you competin' for mr. universe this week?
didn't go so great, huh?
dude.
cool.
whoa, first date. definitely the 'new luke!'
you're startin' to creep me out. listen, i think i know what's goin' on, okay? "acute adolescent anxiety." it's from the stress of college, girls, grades. it's really common.
the net. i found all the symptoms right off: panic attacks, "localized alopecia" -that's hair loss. this doctor wrote back, "any chance your friend, luke, just lost his virginity?"
he's a doctor, back east. he's sending this information pack. look, i started thinkin' you're goin' bipolar on me or somethin'. come on, man, breasts?!
oh, god. she's eyeing you. i think she's comin' over.
they're around somehwere.
who are you?
from philadelphia? why?
what're you talkin' about?
sure. i need a drink.
that lady's nuts.
looks like you two are gettin' on okay. should we rack up another game?
man, i'd be on the floor cryin' like a baby.
in here.
i mean, it was like a precision- guided missile.
i'll get some ice.
what?
dude!!!
what's wrong with him?!
a what?! i'm gettin' a doctor! this isn't right!
now just wait a sec'? is it contagious?!
"recorded incidents?!!"
"recorded incidents?!" oh my god, i used his deodorant!
"c a l m d o w n ?!!!"
from utah.
you tellin' me this is gonna' happen any time he gets the hots for a girl?
man, this could be a problem.
"all the way?"
maybe we should get a second opinion.
if he were to try goin' all the way, then what?
i'm just askin'.
how would he even do that? go all the way, i mean?
how?
you mean, keep yourself from getting turned on? how're you gonna' do that? you get turned on by two scoops of ice cream.
i'm just sayin'. i mean, you think larissa, the horse-faced girl's got her good points.
we just need to be alone. we got a big game tomorrow. sometimes guys just need to hang with the guys, you know? no distractions?
i had to. you know janine. she knew somethin' was up.
she should be here. it's just weird, two guys alone, one turnin' into a girl.
you want a magazine in there?
how 'bout a couple beers?
think so.
whoa.
come on. it's not like i haven't seen you naked a hundred times. and she's a girl!
whoa.
sports illustrated swimsuit edition.
look, i just wanna' get one thing straight. no way i'm gonna' sleep with you.
should we call dr. catchadourian?
yeah, okay, yeah.
some girls go half their lives before they even have one.
she likes it when i tell her stuff.
"you're so beautiful," "i love your smile," "the english patient was my favorite movie too."
pizza! figured you'll want some after.
hey, man. he's not around right now. what's up?
she's luke's cousin.
days.
is there anything you want me to tell luke?
what's goin' on?
does he need any help in there?
finally.
janine wouldn't have one a' those.
i'm just sayin', he's not that experienced with girls.
i'm startin' to wonder if you are?
babe, every time i look at you, i get the shivers! i just want to rip your clothes off, and throw you down.
i want to envelop every inch of you, that incredible curve along your side,.
i want to pin your arms over your head, and make mad, passionate.
luke's datin' his sister.
what?
well, he sure as hell wasn't attracted to me.
oh, give me a break! no way! max?! they just had a huge fight. he tried to beat the crap out of him!
oh, christ, luke's not queer! he was just turnin' into a girl!
oh! this is just wrong.
would you?!
oh, come on! i know the guy. we've done all kinds a' shit together: hoops, hockey!
oh, -whatever! christ, janine! why the hell would he want to be a girl?!
uh, -yeah!
you're one too? you're a z? you're a guy?!
you musta' worked out.
i told her. i told ya'. what a stupid ass idea!
sorry, man. think she wishes everyone was female.
oh, christ, janine! it means he doesn't want to be girl! like he'd have to think about that!
janine, will you just let me talk to him for a sec'?
sorry, man. she talked me into it. you know janine.
look, uh,.  you do like bein' a dude, right?
you should thank me. the one she picked out was pink!
i mean, what the fuck is goin' on?! you do wanna' be a girl? you're into guys now?
what about michelle?
why don't you go see her? think you're more her type.
i'll see ya' round, okay?
look, i'm gonna' find my own place, okay? this is gettin' too fuckin' weird for me.
i don't care. i've had it with all this crap. i mean, you gonna' start hittin' on me next?
what's goin' on? where is she?
whoa. i guess i really didn't think you were gonna' go this way. okay. whatever.
hang on a sec'. look, i'm sorry about earlier, -what i said. but all this stuff. janine and i split up.
all i ever did was piss her off. i'm not sure she even wants a guy. and you think i'm so much better with girls than you, and sure i can get laid anytime i want, but truth is, i never even woulda' hit on her if it weren't for watchin' you.
the way you just talk to 'em about anything, like it was okay. i gotta' get her back, man.
it's like the whole world's blown apart. ah, shit. man, you havin' tits now is just weird.
did she mention me?
women. god, i'm glad you want to be a guy. you are absolutely sure, right?
'cause it really is totally cool either way.
okay, i just don't want you to think i'm zerophobic, or somethin'.
huh?
all i know is, every time you look at michelle, or think about her, you smile. what the hell else do you need to know?
so, you don't get to be with anyone?
that why they call it "zero- philia?"
how do you know? did you ask?
well, you have to. where are your nads, man?!
we'll get 'em back.
jeez. she won't even look at me.
oh, jeremy, i so profoundly don't care if you're queer. trust me, around here, that's nothin'!
such bullshit.
she's lyin'.
jeez. you need trigonometry to figure this thing out. maybe you're 'bi.'
what if he's lying? i say, do him again anyway!
oh, man.
what does she think?
the best part's just lyin' there after. really close, really far away.
yeah. . they should open a pizza joint up there.
maybe being a woman'll turn out okay. like being an elevated member of the male species.
i just mean, maybe he'll learn to like it.
i think you're the female half of me.