are you all right?
how did you even get here? there's no road.
it's okay.
oh, wow. i'm really sorry.
uh, what is it?
yeah. it's my third try. kind a' lame, huh?
it's just something i really wanted to do.
good.
thanks. i'm okay.
oh.  oh, wow. you are?
i changed my mind.
fuck you. you think it's stupid.
what?
what?!
look, i know it's dopey. but don't you recognize it? it's painted and the muffler's switched out, -but this was my dad's.
first off, that woman. we didn't go all the way, you know?
you think technically i'm still a virgin?
yeah.
i been havin' this weird dream. the thing is, i think maybe the dream's real. forget it. no way i'm tellin' you.
it's about part of me gettin' smaller. an important part.
screw you. maybe i caught something.
shit. can i hold off on that?
ah, jeez. i shouldn't got this.
that'd be great. thanks.
it's not my wrench. it's my truck.
oh, just needs a new gasket and a couple t-sprocks. the flanges are sheared off. no big deal.
yeah?
from new york. poli-sci transfer. i sort of asked around campus.
you've prob'ly already got a stalker, huh?
you heard about cafe lunizia? italian? they got new york style pizza. make you feel at home.
oh, well, uh, -definitely!
my ride.
no, puck ass, but people just call me luke. we're beatin' his frat boy team in street hockey. pisses 'em off.
thanks. so, what do you think? i'll just sit there while you eat. i won't even talk.
oh, i'm a paramecium. that's way more evolved. i'm practically pond scum.
great. you mean to go out, right?
we're goin' out.
keenan! come here, quick!!!
look! my chest!
i had hair. come on! not a lot, but you've seen me -some- right?
well, where'd it go?
i am not.
easy for you, you've got janine.
she worships you.
you're crazy.
sorry.
the best wine is beer.
you're not.
i'm not.
oh. bummer.
nothin'. maybe just kind a' hot out here. you want moron? when my dad died, -it's okay, i was nine. i barely knew what was goin' on- but i thought the tombstone was really sad looking, so i painted smiley faces and fish all over it.
yeah, i'm sure dad would've loved that.
for real? i don't know. friendship. great sex. knowing you want to be there even when it gets scary or bloody.
sorry.
will you excuse me a sec'?
-aah!
i don't know. i am.
everyone should just mind their own fucking business!
it was goin' great. she's amazing. funny. and really smart. and the way she eats ravioli, like 'aah.'
then i started feelin' all weird again, and,.  oh, man, you'll think i'm nuts.  keen, i had breasts. i felt 'em.
no! on me.
i'm not an adolescent. where'd you get this crap?!
you told, -you gave him my name?!
i came to apologize.
will you tell her i came by?
no! is that what she thinks? i left 'cause a' what she said? that's crazy! she's like the most incredible girl i ever met!
i had this 'pasta quattro funghi' - four mushroom. it took me a while to even figure it out, but i think someone put shrooms in it, or somehow they got in there by mistake. i was hallucinating and everything.
will you please just tell her i came by? forget it. i'll catch up with her on my own.
look, i'm gonna' see her again, -if she'll see me. i don't care what the fuck you say about it.
yeah, really.
what kind a' dog is it?
i mean, is it a pitbull, or what?
i'm crazy about her.
you can check in that freezer.
luke.
yeah, four am. it sucks.
excuse me?
i guess you're right.
no thanks. jeez, lady.
uh, i don't know. looks fine.
it's brown.
nah, c'mon. you're messin' with me.
what thing?
hey.
no. i mean,.  what? sorry, but you're just bizarre.
holy shit. it's that lady from the store! grey and black at the bar.
thanks, man.
uh, no thanks. we're already here with dates and stuff.
what?
no.
you know him?!
someone put mushrooms in my mushroom sauce.
you're like some whack job. get the hell away from me.
super-glue. thirty seconds together, you can't pull 'em apart.
keenan sold her a bike. i don't think they've been apart more than six hours since.
i never thought in a million years you'd go out with me, let alone twice.
beautiful. unpretentious. why'd you say 'yes?'
okay, two words. what're you most passionate about?
hockey. . hockey.
you.
okay, i'm gonna' take a wild shot. ricochet off the back, over here, then straight into that side pocket. what are my chances?
go for it!
what?
no, i'm all right.
would you excuse me a sec'?
uh- ah-
it's-! look!
oh, god!
what're you givin' me?!
"caaalm down?!!!!!!"
"caaalm down?!!!"
tele-vision?!!
oh, please god! what did i do wrong?!
"c a l m d o w n ?!!!"
the woman in the rv!
is there a cure?
well, what are they?
you out of your mind?!
yeah, may be! 'cause you can forget that!
it ain't gonna' happen!
with who?
no way!
huh?
oh.
michelle. and i really like her, dad. but,.
you know, i always thought your dying was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and that happened more to you than it did to me.  i mean, a lot more, really.
look, every day i wish you were around, but i swear, if i tell you this, you damn well better stay dead!
and i swear to god i'm gonna' beat this thing. no matter what it takes. before i tell you, i just want to make sure you know that, okay?
i think i might be a zerophiliac.
i'm not doin' it. i don't care what she says! i can control this thing.
i didn't know what was goin' on before. i do now, so, it's not gonna' be a problem. i just need to stay focused!
yeah. i'm fine. thanks. perfect.
me too.
will you excuse me a sec'?
you told her?!
it's disgusting!
not my own! man, how could you tell her?!
forget it!
no one gets to!
shut up!
will you please shut up?!
oh god! oh, my god! oh my gawd!
didn't want anyone around. so, i did what you said.
weird. awful.
no. it was hard gettin' back. i need an owner's manual.
so, what now? do i take pills or something?
what? no.
no! jeez! i'm just not attracted to you like that.
good.
what?
i don't want to choose. i want to be a guy.
believe me, i know.
no way!
don't even say that!
what?! that's crap!
this is nuts! i'm supposed to be a guy!
you're not gonna' help?!
forget it!
the force.
yeah.
me?
oh. yeah?
we were both named after our uncle. locasto.
huh? no. not a chance.
no! she just wouldn't be interested!
no! of course not. jesus! she's, -my cousin!
fuck you, man!
you asshole!
you can fuck off!
oh, you can all fuck off!
what's this all about?
what the hell is this for?
decide?! what?! no, it's not! get this thing away from me! judas priest!
well, bully for you!
nothin'! it's great! it's fuckin' phenomenal, if you happen to be one!
that wasn't my choice!
asshole!
hey. how are you?
okay. you look really nice.
i was going to.
no. nothin' like that. there's just some stuff i've got to sort out.
me too. what did you want to talk to me about?
yeah. i kind a' lost it.
i don't know. we'd just finished a game. i was all revved up.
not sure he's too crazy about me seein' his sister.
no, he doesn't "scare" me. what, his struttin' around, thinkin' he's such a bad ass, with his shirt hangin' open half the time?
well, he's a joke alright.
i'm sorry, i didn't mean-
what's that supposed to mean?!
you're totally different. he's a guy, for one.
you're one too. why didn't you tell me?
so, it's true what you said? you really know. i wouldn't change unless i wanted to?
what part? how much of me? i mean, for it to work? half? more than half? what if it was only a tiny bit, -a thought?
i love being with michelle. how come i can't control it when she's around?
you think i don't really want to be a man.
maybe for me too.
another z?
and why you keep tryin' to get me in the sack?
that won't be a problem.
tonight.
remember that christmas when keen and me accidentally set the scofields' house on fire?
and that burning shingle drifted over and lit up the robertson's place? the whole town was ready to lynch us, and we snuck back home.  two am, you were up drinkin' coffee,.
i thought you were gonna' kill us. but you just looked me right in the eye, and said, "son, there's leftover pizza in the fridge."
that was the coolest thing anyone ever said. dad, i'm in such trouble.
i feel like if i let this thing in, it's all over. but i don't know what else to do. guess you can't figure out who you are, until you accept who you might be.
no! i don't know exactly. i don't know.
i had to be sure. i am now. come on, it's sort of a catch-22. i make out with a girl, i start turning into one. you gotta' admit, it's a little weird, isn't it?
let's get outta' here. you want a ride somewhere? janine's?
"see me around?"
i'm goin' to dr. catchadourian's tonight. to make this stop.
yeah, that's right keenan, you and me: let's do it.
i guess i really did need to face it head on in order to see.
girls, are just, i don't know. it's a different energy. they're soft and warm, they can make a guy feel complete.
cool.
to manhood!
so, how does this work?
sure. looks great on you. man, dresses! even without everything else, dresses are reason enough right there to stay a guy.
no. of course not. what?
what's that for?
does it hurt?
wow, this is intense.
oh, man!!
unbelievable!
oh no. what's happening?
hey you. . good morning. what's up?
you still think i'm going to bolt, don't you?
what do you want, a gender pre-nup?
only place i'm going is back to sleep.
oh, yeah.