"WHAT ABOUT BOB?"
Screenplay by
Tom Schulman
Story by
Alvin Sargent and Laura Ziskin
SHOOTING DRAFT
OPENING CRAWL ON A BLACK SCREEN
"Medical journals report only 31 cases in history of people
swallowing their toothbrushes. The champion toothbrush
swallower was a Soviet psychiatric patient who downed 16 in
1984. The all-time champion swallower of any object swallowed
2533 objects in 1927."
ECU: A TOOTHBRUSH - CREDITS ROLLING
We HEAR a man clearing his throat. He enters and a shiny
glob of toothpaste is squeezed onto the bristles.
INT. BOB WILEY'S BATHROOM, MORNING
BOB WILEY, thirties, anxious, begins brushing his teeth.
Suddenly, in trying to brush a back molar, Bob looses control
of the toothbrush and swallows half of it whole. Choking,
gasping, he tries to pull the toothbrush out.
EXT. BOB WILEY'S APARTMENT BUILDING, SAME
PAN and TILT up from a woman walking her dog on the streets
of Manhattan to a third floor apartment window. There is Bob
struggling frantically with the toothbrush.
INT. BOB WILEY'S BATHROOM, MORNING
Bob is losing the battle, and in three excruciating swallows,
like a mouse going down the throat of a snake, the toothbrush
disappears down his throat. Bob pounds his chest, swallowing
as he does. Then, delicately, he belches. He takes a deep
breath, relaxes somewhat, and opens the medicine cabinet.
There sit ten packaged toothbrushes. Bob opens one.
AS WE... END CREDITS...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. A PARKING LOT, LAKE WINNIPESAUKEE, NEW HAMPSHIRE, DAY.
AUTUMN
Pricey BMW's, MERCEDES, etc. sport license plates which read:
FREUD JUNGNRICH HEADDOC PERCA' DAN' etc. Three pre-teens
ride by on bikes and shove the trunks of the cars. Car alarms
sound off like birds. We PAN WITH THE KIDS then PAST THEM
out to sea to see:
EXT. THE MIDDLE OF THE LAKE, ABOARD A CRIS CRAFT, SAME
Four psychiatrists and three spouses are pleasure boating.
Here all is quiet except the wind and the sound of the birds
(or is it the car alarms?). Shrinks and their wives sit around
an intense doctor in his forties.
DOCTOR 1 (FEINBERG)
I've had the same nightmare three
nights running.
DOCTOR 2
Come on, David, we're on a vacation.
FEINBERG
I'm leaving my office for summer
vacation, when suddenly my patients
rush up looking insane.
EXT. A PARK AVENUE OFFICE BUILDING, DAY. DREAM-LIKE SLOW
MOTION
Dr. Feinberg exits the building with his suitcase. To his
horror an angry horde of men and women, looking like a
sadistic lynch mob, swarm him and attack.
FEINBERG (V.O.)
"Don't leave us!" they scream. Then
they beat me and bite me and kill
me...!
As Feinberg runs to get away he is dragged down then overrun
by his angry patients.
BACK TO THE BOATS
FEINBERG
It's the worst nightmare I've had
since residency. Night after night...
it's terrifying!
PHIL
At least your nightmare is only a
dream. What about what happened to
Leo Marvin?
A YOUNG DOCTOR
Who's Leo Marvin?
PHIL
You never heard of the famous Dr.
Marvin?
ANGLE ON A VACANT LOT ON SHORE
There is a dock, an overgrown slab, and a chimney.
PHIL (O.S.)
That used to be his vacation house.
FEINBERG (O.S.)
There's nothing there.
BACK TO THE BOAT
PHIL
Grab a strong drink and some
Dramamine. I'll tell you a story
that will send you into Rorschach.
ANOTHER WIFE
Who's Leo Marvin?
PHIL
Well, I really can't tell you about
Leo Marvin unless I first tell you
about Bob.
ANOTHER WIFE
Who's Bob?
EXT. THE STREETS OF MANHATTAN, UPPER WEST SIDE, DAY
The SOUND of BIRDS segues to car alarms. We're on the streets
of New York, CRANING and ZOOMING like a bird up and into a
sweltering apartment.
INT. BOB WILEY'S APARTMENT, SAME
Bob Wiley sits on his bed in boxer shorts. On his night stand
are cardboard plaques: one lists the warning signs of
diabetes, another lists cancer's seven warning signals.
Stacked by the bed are psychology books and a few bottles of
prescription pills. In front of Bob is a vaporizer. Bob holds
his cheeks and twists them in small circles in front of the
steam.
BOB
(a mantra-like chant)
I feel good. I feel great. I feel
wonderful! I feel good. I feel great.
I feel wonderful! I --
A WIFE (V.O.)
But who's Leo Marvin? I know I've
heard the name.
DOCTOR 4 (V.O.)
Was he the guy who specialized in
necrophiliacs?
PHIL (V.O.)
No!
(sighs)
If you must.
INT. A PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE, DAY
The striking thing about DR. LEO MARVIN's office is order
and neatness. As Marvin talks on the phone, he unconsciously
adjusts the already meticulously placed gewgaws on his desk.
Marvin is mid-forties, authoritative, stiff, perfectly
manicured. Adorning the office are diplomas, personal
mementos, primitive masks, Mondrian-like paintings, his framed
medical school grades, a bust of Freud, and diplomas. On his
desk is a book titled Baby Steps TM with Marvin's picture on
it.
MARVIN
(INTO PHONE)
Of course I want to publicize the
book, Hugo and it's a wonderful
opportunity, but its my vacation.
The Today Show went to Dr. Ruth's
vacation house, why can't CBS Morning
come to Lake Winnipesaukee?... Would
you work on it?... Thank you Hugo. I
appreciate it.
SECRETARY'S VOICE
(OVER INTERCOM)
Dr. Marvin, there's a Dr. Carswell
Fensterwald calling. He says you
went to school together.
MARVIN
(wracking his memory)
Fensterwald. Carswell Fensterwald.
It sounds familiar but... They sure
come out of the woodwork when you
get famous, Clair. Put him through.
FENSTERWALD
(ON SPEAKER PHONE)
Leo?
MARVIN
(INTO SPEAKER PHONE)
Carswell?
INT. ANOTHER PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE, SAME
Carswell Fensterwald looks unstable. As he talks on his phone,
he is boxing up his office. Prominent on his desk is a copy
of Marvin's book. The conversation INTERCUTS.
FENSTERWALD
Long time no see, huh? You have a
big book out. Things are clicking,
huh?
MARVIN
That's the way I planned it.
FENSTERWALD
Listen, Leo, I'm closing my practice.
Most of my patients are on the West
Side but I have one case I'd like to
refer you.
MARVIN
Carswell, thanks but --
FENSTERWALD
I know, you're incredibly busy.
MARVIN
Swamped. I've raised my rate. I might
even cut my sessions to forty
minutes...
FENSTERWALD
Leo, I know you don't like flattery
but if anybody I know is going to
win a Nobel Prize, it's you. You
gotta be thinking about your next
book so I know you'll find this case
particularly interesting.
MARVIN
What sort of case is it, Carswell?
Marvin paces. He adjusts a diploma down, then up, then down.
FENSTERWALD
Actually, Leo, I don't know.
MARVIN
Carswell, if this is a dysfunctional --
FENSTERWALD
No no, nothing like that. He keeps
his appointments. Pays on time. See
him once. If he's not the most complex
and -- persistent -- case you've
ever seen, drop him. His name's Bob
Wiley. He needs someone brilliant.
MARVIN
Okay. I'll work him in for an
interview. Say, Carswell, how come
you're quitting the business?
FENSTERWALD
We're a dying breed, Leo. Good luck.
Fensterwald hangs up. He lets out a silent jubilant howl of
gleeful laughter.
FENSTERWALD
I feel good. I feel great. I feel
wonderful!
ANGLE IN MARVIN'S OFFICE
Marvin slowly hangs up his speaker phone.
MARVIN
Carswell Fensterwald...?
Again he racks his brains. He presses his intercom.
MARVIN
(INTO INTERCOM)
Claire, if I get a call from a Bob
Wiley, schedule him for a short
interview after vacation.
SECRETARY (CLAIRE)
He's already called, Dr. Marvin.
Twice. He's coming in this afternoon.
MARVIN
That's one kind of persistence.
Carswell Fensterwald...?
Marvin gives up. He picks up a copy of his book. He compares
his jacket photo with his reflection in the handle of his
letter opener.
EXT. ABOARD THE CRIS CRAFT BOAT, DAY
The shrinks are still listening to Doctor 3.
FEINBERG
Leo Marvin. Now I remember. An
incredible asshole.
DOCTOR 2
Had that stupid best seller, what
was the name of it?
FEINBERG
Watching grass grow was more exciting
than Leo Marvin.
PHIL
All that changed.
DOCTOR 2 (V.O.)
Why?
PHIL (V.O.)
That's what I'm trying to tell you
lummoxes: Bob.
INT. BOB'S APARTMENT, DAY
Bob is sitting by the steam repeating his mantra.
BOB
I feel good. I feel great. I feel
wonderful! I feel good, I feel great!
I feel --
Bob picks up the phone and frantically pushes buttons.
BOB
(INTO PHONE)
Hello, Claire, Bob again. Are you
sure Dr. Marvin doesn't have an
earlier cancellation?... Sorry. See
you at two, sharp.
Bob hangs up, finds a blood pressure gauge and takes his
blood pressure. That done, he stands, paces, then stops and
sprinkles food into a gold fish bowl.
BOB
Morning, Gil.
GIL the GOLDFISH nibbles the food. Bob sits on his bed, takes
a deep breath, then dials the phone. As he waits for an
answer, he flips through his "organizer" which is crammed
with notes and papers.
SECRETARY'S VOICE
(ON PHONE)
Overton.
BOB
(INTO HEADSET)
This is Bob Wiley calling...
(checks in his notebook)
Mrs. Patricia Lions please.
Bob waits a beat, still looking through the notebook.
MRS. LIONS
(ON PHONE)
Lions.
BOB
Mrs. Lions, I'm Bob Wiley. I represent
the Manhattan Dental Hygiene
Association. I can offer you a forty
percent discount on our toothpicks
plus a very attractive selection of
toothpick holders if...
MRS. LIONS
Mr. Wiley --
BOB
Bob.
MRS. LIONS
Bob, this is an elementary school.
BOB
Elementary school?
(checks his notebook)
I thought you were Overton Cafeteria?
MRS. LIONS
(ON PHONE)
No, we're a school and we don't need
toothpicks.
BOB
I don't know. A young tooth is a
terrible thing to waste. I should
know. When I was that age nobody
gave a hoot about my teeth and now
they're terrible! Have you checked
out flavored floss?
MRS. LIONS
Flavored floss?
BOB
All you have to do is dream pink
gums, Patsy, and we can make them
happen. Give me your address and
I'll send you our flossing catalogue.
As Bob begins to write on his notebook, he flashes a "V" for
victory at Gil.
INT. BOB'S APARTMENT, LATER
Bob is now dressed to go out. A clock reads 1:45pm. Bob is
pacing at the door. He stops, glances at the clock, faces
the door, opens it, closes it. He paces, opens the door,
takes some deep breaths, twists his cheeks, then like a man
jumping into cold water, bolts out.
INT. THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE BOB'S APARTMENT, SAME
Bob exits his apartment, uses a Kleenex to close the door,
then heads down the stairs.
EXT. THE DOORWAY TO BOB'S APARTMENT BUILDING, DAY
Sweat pouring off his brow, Bob stands in sunglasses in the
entrance-way to his apartment. A bus squeals up to the curb,
belches smoke, then moves on. A garbage can is kicked over.
Bob starts to take a step when suddenly he gets dizzy. He
steps back and hyperventilates. Bob puts on a dust mask,
steps bravely onto the sidewalk, and walks, eyes fixed
forward.
BOB
I feel good, I feel great, I feel
wonderful.
(repeats)
A man passes Bob, eyes fixed forward.
MAN
Son of a bitch, dirty bastard, I'll
get you!
(repeats)
EXT. THE STREETS OF MANHATTAN, DAY. LONG SHOT
Bob walks through the city like a zombie, eyes fixed forward.
INT. AN OFFICE BUILDING LOBBY, MANHATTAN, SAME
Passers-by shuffle to and fro. Bob, still in sunglasses and
dust mask, enters. He walks in a straight line to the building
directory. He finds:
"Dr. Leo Marvin, A Psychiatric Corporation, suite 4616."
DOORMAN (O.S.)
Help you?
This startles Bob but he recovers.
BOB
I'm going to see Dr. Leo Marvin.
DOORMAN
Second elevator. 46th floor.
BOB
Elevator. Thanks.
ANGLE ON THE ELEVATORS
Bob removes a Kleenex from a pack in his pocket, uses it to
push the elevator button, then paces nervously. The elevator
arrives and the door opens. The elevator is filling up with
passengers. Bob doesn't move.
INT. A STEEL AND CONCRETE STAIRWELL, SAME
We see a descending steel staircase and stairwell door marked
"Floor 40". We hear footsteps -- rhythmic and determined --
getting closer and closer.
BOB (O.S.)
I feel good, I feel great, I feel
wonderful.
(repeats over and
over)
INT. DR. MARVIN'S RECEPTION ROOM, DAY
Clair sits behind her desk reading a book. Bob enters, red-
faced and out of breath, taking his pulse.
BOB
Hi... I'm... Bob...
INT. DR. MARVIN'S OFFICE, DAY
Dr. Marvin is at his desk. Claire shows in Bob.
BOB
Dr. Marvin. Bob Wiley. Thank you for
working me in.
Claire exits. Bob looks around then notices a framed photo
on Marvin's shelf. Using his Kleenex, Bob picks it up. He
smiles.
BOB
Your family?
(Marvin nods)
Wait, let me guess. I'm good at this.
Harriet, Kenny, Gretchen, Rita. Wait
wait, I know I'm close. Susan, Steven,
Andrea, Rita. Wait --
MARVIN
(emotionless)
My wife, Fay. My son, Sigmund. My
daughter, Anna. My sister, Lily.
BOB
Lily... I was close! What a wonderful
family!
Bob puts the photo back on the shelf. Marvin adjusts it.
MARVIN
Thank you.
BOB
Do I call you Dr. Marvin or Leo?
MARVIN
Whichever you prefer. Have a seat.
BOB
Call me Bob.
Bob stares at the chair. There is a box of Kleenexes on the
arm. Bob reaches in his pocket, takes out a Kleenex, and
uses it to move the box of Kleenexes to the table. He then
sits. Marvin walks to Bob and holds out a trash can. Bob
drops in the used Kleenex.
BOB
Thank you.
Marvin puts the trash can next to Bob's chair then sits. He
stares at Bob. He's waiting.
BOB
I guess I'm on, huh?
(pause)
Well, the simplest way to put it is,
I have problems. I worry er, about
diseases. I have trouble with
toothbrushes. And I, er, I have
problems moving.
MARVIN
Talk about moving.
BOB
As long as I'm in my apartment, I'm
okay. I have a phone job -- selling
dental supplies -- and that's fine.
But when I have to go out, I get...,
weird.
MARVIN
Talk about weird.
BOB
I get dizzy spells. Nausea. Cold
sweats. Hot sweats. Fever blisters.
Difficulty swallowing. Difficulty
breathing. Blurred vision. Involuntary
trembling. Dead hands. Weak ankles.
Twitching. Fainting spells. Numb
lips.
(pause)
Do you think that's normal?
MARVIN
That depends.
Suddenly Bob removes an air sickness bag from his pocket. He
opens it and pauses a long time as though he were about to
vomit into it. He doesn't. He puts the air sickness bag away.
Marvin leans in. Bob does too.
MARVIN
You do go out, you know.
BOB
I do?
MARVIN
You came here.
BOB
You're right!
MARVIN
What are you afraid of?
BOB
Well. What if I break my neck and
become paraplegic? What if my heart
stops beating, or I can't find a
bathroom and my bladder explodes?
You ever heard of Tourette's Syndrome.
You know, where you involuntarily
shout profanity?
MARVIN
That's exceptionally rare.
BOB
I have a neighbor who got it. Yells
"oh shit!" in church. "Douche bag!"
at customers at his job. Pretty funny,
actually, unless you're the one with
the disease. Then it's sad.
(pause)
OH SHIT EATING SON OF A BITCH! Just
kidding.
(pause)
TWAT LOVING DOUCHE BAG!
MARVIN
Why are you doing this?
BOB
Sometimes, if I fake it, I know I
don't have it. Like, when I think my
heart is gonna stop. I fake it so I
know it's not happening.
Bob fakes a heart seizure -- very convincingly -- and falls
to the floor. After a moment, he sits back in the chair as
if nothing had happened.
BOB
If I can't make it happen, I know
it's not happening. I know it's all
in my mind.
Marvin stands and walks towards Bob.
BOB
Get away from me with that knife!
(laughs)
See?
Marvin uprights the trashcan and walks back to his seat.
MARVIN
Are you married?
BOB
Divorced, actually.
MARVIN
Want to talk about it?
BOB
The world is divided into two types
of people: those who like Neil Diamond
and those who don't. My ex-wife loves
him.
MARVIN
Um.
BOB
Dr. Marvin, do you think you can
help me?
There is a pause. Marvin leans in.
MARVIN
There's a saying, Bob, that the best
psychiatrist in the world is right
inside of you. I can help you,
provided you're willing to help
yourself.
BOB
Are you kidding, I'll do anything!
Marvin stands and moves to the bookcase behind him.
MARVIN
There's a ground breaking book that
just came out, Bob. Not everything
in it applies to you but when you
see the title, I think you'll see
that it can help.
There are twenty copies of Marvin's book on the shelf behind
Marvin. Marvin holds one up. Bob sees the cover. We see the
picture of Marvin on the back.
BOB
Baby Steps.
MARVIN
It means setting small, reasonable
goals for yourself. One day at a
time, one tiny step at a time -- do-
able, accomplishable goals.
BOB
Baby steps.
MARVIN
When you leave this office, don't
think about everything you have to
do to get out of the building, just
deal with getting out of the room.
When you reach the hall, just deal
with the hall. And so forth. Baby
steps.
Bob looks at Marvin then stands.
BOB
Baby step... through the office.
Bob takes small deliberate steps to the door. He opens it
and steps into the reception area.
BOB (O.S.)
Baby step... out the door.
The door to the office closes. There is a long pause. Bob
opens the door and pops back in.
BOB
It works!
MARVIN
Of course.
BOB
All I have to do is take one small
step at a time and I can do anything!
MARVIN
Exactly. But don't expect everything
all at once. Even a baby occasionally
falls and hits his head.
Bob walks around the room as though he were inhabiting each
small space with his body.
BOB
Baby step around the office. Baby
step around the office!
(to Marvin's family
photo)
Fay, Sigmund, Anna, Lily: Hi fam!
He's a genius!
Marvin hands Bob the book.
MARVIN
This will give you plenty to digest
while I'm on vacation.
BOB
Vacation?
MARVIN
Certainly my secretary told you. As
of this afternoon, I'm on vacation
with my family until Labor Day.
BOB
That's a whole month! What if I need
you? What if I need to talk?
MARVIN
Dr. Harmon, my associate will be
happy to talk.
He hands Bob Harmon's card.
MARVIN
We have years ahead of us, Bob. A
month will seem like a baby second.
Marvin shows Bob the door. Bob, doing his baby steps, looks
lost and confused.
BOB
Can I call you in the Hamptons if I
need you?
MARVIN
Dr. Harmon is quite skilled.
Bob shuffles to the door.
BOB
I hear Maine is great this time of
year.
Marvin turns over his book and shows Bob his picture.
MARVIN
I'll be with you the whole month.
Try your baby steps.
BOB
Let's see... Baby step through the
office. Baby step out the door.
MARVIN
That's perfect. Keep going...
BOB (O.S.)
Baby steps to the hall. Baby...
Marvin closes the door and starts back to his desk.
Momentarily, Bob sticks his head back in.
BOB
It's the Catskills, isn't it?
MARVIN
Bob...
BOB
Sorry. Baby steps. Baby steps...
Bob exits, closing the door. Marvin starts to pick up Bob's
trash can when Bob sticks his head in again.
BOB
You flying or driving?
MARVIN
Bob.
(firmly re-assuring)
I'll be back.
Bob looks at Marvin then starts out.
BOB
Baby steps, he'll be back. Baby steps,
he'll be back...
Bob closes the door behind him. From his desk Marvin takes a
plastic trash bag and dumps the contents of Bob's trash can
into it. He picks up a small tape recorder and presses
"record".
MARVIN
July 31, Bob Wiley, introductory
interview. Multi-phobic personality
characterized by an extreme need for
family connections. Bill $150 for
the session and $29.95 for the book.
He clicks the tape recorder off. There is a knock on the
door.
MARVIN
Bob...
Claire puts her head in.
CLAIRE
It's your publicist. He says CBS
will come to Winnipesaukee.
Marvin strides triumphantly to the phone and lifts it up.
MARVIN
(INTO PHONE)
I knew they'd come to me! Hugo, not
to change the subject but has a
psychiatrist ever won the Nobel Prize?
INT. THE HALLWAY OF MARVIN'S OFFICE BUILDING, SAME
Bob paces in front of the elevators, reading the book.
BOB
Baby step to the elevator. Baby step
to the elevator.
The elevator, full of passengers, opens. Bob, steps in.
BOB
Baby step to the elevator. Baby step
to the elevator.
The elevator doors close and it starts down. Bob screams.
EXT. THE NEW YORK MARINE AIR TERMINAL, DAY
Marvin and family (who we recognize from the pictures in
Marvin's office) exit a cab with their luggage and head into
the terminal.
MARVIN
Hurry hurry hurry. Hurry hurry hurry.
Hurry hurry hurry.
They pass a HOMELESS MAN with a hand out. Marvin's wife FAY
stops and roots in her purse.
MARVIN
Honey there isn't time.
Fay gives the man some money then enters the terminal.
MARVIN
You're only encouraging them, Fay.
INT. THE MARINE AIR TERMINAL, SAME
The Marvin family hurries through the terminal.
MARVIN
Hurry hurry hurry. Hurry hurry
hurry...
Marvin's 16 year old daughter ANNA and 12 year old son SIGMUND
rush with them.
ANNA
Daddy, would you cut it out?
The family finds their gate and gets in line to board. There
are ten people ahead of them and the plane isn't boarding
yet. All haste stops as they drop their luggage to the floor.
ANNA
See?
FAY
Honey, I told you there was no rush.
A nice looking BOY gets in line behind them and checks out
Anna. She sees him and flips her hair. Siggy, dressed in all
black, plays a video game on his watch. It beeps and blurps.
FAY lovingly plucks a piece of lint off Marvin's jacket.
Siggy looks up and plucks off another piece of lint. Marvin
takes out an electronic organizer. He pushes buttons and it
beeps.
MARVIN
Okay, how does this sound? Tomorrow:
we'll go shopping and clean up the
house.
SIGGY
Ooo, sounds great.
MARVIN
Wednesday we'll re-arrange the
furniture and spruce up the lawn.
SIGGY
More, I gotta have more.
MARVIN
Thursday...
Marvin clears his throat and smiles.
FAY, ANNA, SIGGY
(sing song)
The interview with Maria Shriver.
MARVIN
(swelling with pride)
I'm having some art brought up from
the city. The cottage should look
spectacular.
Fay kisses Marvin on the cheek.
FAY
I'm sure whatever you do will look
wonderful, honey.
Marvin beams then goes back to his organizer.
MARVIN
After the interview we'll take a
celebration sail around lake, then
Friday -- my birthday -- we'll have
wonderful meal at Digby's.
Fay straightens Siggy's shirt tail. Momentarily, Siggy's
watch lets out a staccato series of beeps.
MARVIN
Siggy, are you going to spend all
summer driving us crazy with that?
SIGGY
It's not driving me crazy.
ANNA
Me either.
Siggy continues his game. Fay touches Marvin on the hand to
say, let it pass. Anna continues to flirt with the boy in
line. Marvin pushes a couple of buttons on his organizer and
it lets out three rapid beeps. Siggy smiles triumphantly at
Marvin.
SIGGY
You gonna do that all summer?
Marvin ignores this and puts the organizer away.
ANNA
Yeah, dad, huh?
MARVIN
Anna you're masking hostility.
Marvin reaches in his briefcase and removes two HAND PUPPETS.
One has the silk screened face of Anna, the other of Leo.
Anna sees this and is incredibly embarrassed.
ANNA
(intense)
Daddy, put those away!
The line moves. Anna hurries into the ramp way.
MARVIN
Anna. Examine your behavior.
Marvin and the family disappear into the ramp way.
AIRPORT LOUDSPEAKER (V.O.)
Dr. Leo Marvin, pick up the white
courtesy phone. Dr. Leo Marvin, please
answer the white courtesy phone.
INT. A PHONE BOOTH, NEW YORK, DAY, CLOSE ON
A long list of airline phone numbers with all but the last
one crossed out. PULL BACK TO FIND:
BOB standing at a pay phone, receiver to his ear. He has
Kleenexes protecting his hand, his ear and his mouth. Outside
the window is a hot dog stand. The vendor is serving up juicy
hot dogs and Bob watches longingly.
OPERATOR'S VOICE
(OVER PHONE)
I'm sorry, Bob. No one's answering
the page.
BOB
(INTO PHONE)
Thanks for trying.
Bob hangs up and crumples the list.
EXT. THE STREET OUTSIDE THE PHONE BOOTH, SAME
Still looking at the hot dogs, Bob shuffles out of the phone
booth. He tosses his crumpled list at a trash can and misses.
Even though there is litter on the street all around the
trash can, Bob (using a Kleenex) picks up his list and puts
it in the trash. He walks to the hot dog stand and watches.
He wants a hot dog.
VENDOR
Can I help you, bub?
BOB
Bob.
VENDOR
Would you like a hot dog, Bob?
BOB
I sure would...
The vendor buns a hot dog.
VENDOR
Mustard?
BOB
I sure would.
VENDOR
Sauerkraut.
BOB
I'd love it.
The vendor holds out the dog.
BOB
But I can't. I really want to but I
can't. It's bird intestine and beef
brain.
Bob looks at the dog with a mixture of desire and revulsion.
He pulls out an air sickness bag, holds it ready, then puts
it back. The vendor retracts the dog.
VENDOR
Hit the road, bub.
BOB
Bob.
Bob moves on.
INT. A SUNNY NEW YORK FLAT, DAY
Bob, out of breath, knocks on the door. HELENE WILEY, a late
middle aged woman draped in diaphanous scarves, opens the
door. She carries a palette knife and palette of paint.
BOB
Hi, mom.
HELENE
Bob, you didn't walk up again?
BOB
I found this great psychiatrist who
abandoned me.
Helene turns and walks away. Bob follows her in. The next
scene is played with Helene walking away and Bob following.
They move through her apartment, dotted with finished and
half-finished paintings on big canvases.
HELENE
Did you come here for money?
BOB
Mom, that's a terrible thing to ask.
HELENE
How do you like my latest?
She stops in front of a BIG CANVAS covered with knives,
spoons, forks, paint, and twenty dollar bills. Bob touches
one of the twenties. It comes off in his hand.
BOB
It's lovely mom.
Helene takes the twenty and puts it back.
HELENE
Bobby, please!
BOB
Mom, I'm sorry! All I wanted to do
was talk. I'll go.
She reaches out and embraces him.
HELENE
Oh my poor baby. How did you get so
screwed up?
BOB
Oh, mom.
HELENE
You're the only thing I care about.
Always will be.
BOB
Oh mom.
They stand there hugging for a moment.
HELENE
I'm here for you, Bob. Anytime.
BOB
I love you, mom.
She looks at him and lovingly straightens his hair.
HELENE
Go home, sweetie. I need to work.
EXT. A STREET CORNER NEAR THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM, SAME
Bob stands on the corner looking like a lost soul. He watches
as the world passes by. The light changes. Looking both ways
constantly, Bob crosses.
BOB
Baby step across the street. Baby
step across the street...
A "perfect little family" walks past him. A five year old
girl and a three year old boy skip by, hand in hand. They
wave at Bob. He waves back, sadly, then continues.
BOB
(affectless)
I feel good, I feel great, I feel
wonderful.
INT. A BABY DECORATED APARTMENT, DAY
"Crackling Rose" by Neil Diamond plays on the stereo. BECKY,
a perky woman, pregnant, about Bob's age, answers the door.
Bob stands in the hallway. She's a little surprised.
BECKY
Hi.
BOB
Whoa!... You're really getting big.
Bob gently puts his hand on Becky's belly.
BOB
What a bruiser. Hi little Bobby!
BECKY
(gently)
Bob, he's not little Bobby. Feel the
heartbeat?
Bob puts his ear to Becky's belly and listens. Suddenly, he
hugs Becky's tummy.
BOB
Oh, Becky, let's get married again.
BECKY
(pulling away)
Bob. You know I'm married to some
one else now.
BOB
(holding on)
But I want a baby. A family! I want
to burp him and change him and...
love him!
(pause -- lets go)
Why couldn't it have been with me?
BECKY
Bob, honey, we've been over this.
You as a father? Think about it.
Bob sinks. Becky looks at him sympathetically. There is still
a warm spot in her heart for him.
BECKY
You know I actually have considered
naming him "Bob".
BOB
Really?!
BECKY
Yeah. But it's still going to be
"Neil".
BOB
(recognizing Neil
Diamond on the stereo)
Right.
INT. BOB'S APARTMENT, LATE AFTERNOON
Bob sits alone watching Ozzie and Harriet. Ozzie is talking
to Ricky, David, and Harriet.
OZZIE
We're a family. We'll always be a
family. I don't care what they say
about you at school, we've got each
other and don't you ever forget it.
The family hugs. The TV audience applauds. Bob picks up the
phone and dials. SPLIT SCREEN with MID-MANHATTAN EXCHANGE a
one room, two operator answering service.
OPERATOR (BESSIE)
(ON PHONE)
Mid-Manhattan Exchange.
BOB
(INTO PHONE)
This is Bob Wiley. I'm a patient of
Dr. Marvin's. I need to talk to him.
Urgently.
BESSIE
I'm sorry Mr. Wiley --
BOB
Bob.
BESSIE
-- Bob, but Dr. Marvin is out of
town and Dr. Harmon is taking his
calls.
BOB
I don't want Harmon, I need Marvin!
Bob paces then assumes a false calm.
BOB
Look, there seems to be some
confusion. You see, Dr. Marvin, uh,
Leo, wanted me to call him but I
lost his number.
BESSIE
Bob. I can't give out that number.
BOB
But you could call him and ask him
to call me.
BESSIE
It's awfully late.
Bob is silent. Bessie is uncertain.
BESSIE
Stay on the line, Bob. What's your
number in case we get disconnected?
EXT. MARVIN'S VACATION HOUSE PORCH, LATE AFTERNOON
We recognize this as the same lake the doctors were sailing
in the opening scene: gorgeous greenery, the shore lined
with quaint but expensive summer homes. Where the doctors in
the boat saw an empty slab, stands the Marvin summer house,
a clapboard structure complete with a private dock, old wooden
motorized rowboat, and diving board.
Marvin is relaxing in a chair. Fay is in the background
putting out flowers. Marvin takes a deep breath, sighs
peacefully then picks up a book: Freud's Understanding Dreams
and opens it. The phone rings. Marvin frowns, then answers.
TRIPLE SCREEN WITH BESSIE AND BOB AND MARVIN
MARVIN
Yes?
BESSIE
Dr. Marvin, this is Bessie at your
exchange. I'm sorry to disturb you
but I have a Bob Wiley on the line
who says you'll want to talk to him.
MARVIN
You know better than this, Bessie.
Dr. Harmon is covering for me.
BESSIE
I told him that, Doctor, but he
insists on talking to you. He says
it's an emergency.
Marvin frowns then takes a deep breath.
MARVIN
Put him through.
BESSIE
Go ahead, Bob.
BACK TO DOUBLE SPLIT-SCREEN
Bob's frantic pacing contrasts with Marvin's calm.
MARVIN
Bob, I thought I made it clear to
you that I'm on vacation.
BOB
I know, but I'm a mess. Worse than
usual.
MARVIN
Bob, if this is an emergency, go to
the emergency room. If not, call Dr.
Harmon and I'm sure he can help you.
BOB
I'd feel better if I just knew where
you were. It's Martha's Vineyard
right?
MARVIN
Bob.
BOB
Couldn't we just talk?
MARVIN
In my office, after Labor Day.
BOB
Fire Island?
MARVIN
Good night, Bob.
Marvin hangs up. SINGLE SCREEN. Bob hangs up too. He stands
and thinks then dials again. SPLIT SCREEN WITH MID-MANHATTAN
EXCHANGE.
BOB
Hi, this is Bob. Leo and I got cut
off.
BESSIE
I'm sorry, Bob, but Dr. Marvin just
called and instructed me not to put
you through.
BOB
What?
Bob stands thinking.
INT. A MANHATTAN PAY PHONE BOOTH, NIGHT
A mid-twenties PROSTITUTE, overly made up, is on the phone.
SPLIT SCREEN again with MID-MANHATTAN EXCHANGE.
BESSIE
Mid-Manhattan exchange.
PROSTITUTE
(INTO PHONE)
Hello, this is Lily Marvin, Dr. Leo
Marvin's sister. I have to talk to
my brother right away.
BESSIE
(skeptical)
I'm not allowed to give out that
number. Don't you have it?
A PULL BACK REVEALS BOB standing beside the prostitute,
wearing his face mask, waiting anxiously. Bob whispers in
the prostitute's ear. She nods.
PROSTITUTE
(INTO PHONE)
He went on vacation and forgot to
give it to me. Look, honey, it's
urgent. I'm at: 790-8864.
She reads the number off the pay phone. Bessie reacts to the
fact that it's a different number from Bob's. She shakes her
head and sighs.
BESSIE
Stay on the line, Miss Marvin.
The prostitute hands the phone to Bob. He sprays the phone
with disinfectant then hands her some money.
BOB
Thanks. You were fantastic.
The prostitute shakes her head and walks away.
INT. MARVIN'S VACATION HOUSE DINING ROOM, NIGHT
The moonlit lake is in the far background. In the near
background the Marvin family sits eating dinner. Marvin
holding the telephone, looking concerned, walks off by
himself.
MARVIN
Lily? What's wrong?
SPLIT SCREEN WITH Bob, standing at his pay phone. He cringes.
BOB
Dr. Marvin, please don't be angry.
It's Bob. I know I shouldn't call
this way but --
MARVIN
Bob, listen to me. The doctor-patient
relationship is based on trust. When
you call me against my wishes or
pretend to be my sister, I can't
trust you any more.
BOB
I know but--
MARVIN
Call Dr. Harmon, or go to the
emergency room, but don't call me
here again.
Marvin hangs up. BACK TO SINGLE SCREEN. Bob stands in the
phone booth, banging his hand on his head.
BOB
Oh that wasn't smart! Oh that wasn't
smart...
He walks out of the booth shaking his head. He exits screen
left. Momentarily he crosses back through screen, muttering
to himself.
INT. THE MID-MANHATTAN EXCHANGE, NIGHT
Bessie sits at her switchboard, reading a regency romance.
The operator, GWEN, is doing her nails. There is a knock on
the door. The operators look at each other, go to the door,
but don't open it.
BESSIE
(INTO THE DOOR)
Who is it?
VOICE ON PHONE
(FROM WITHOUT)
Detective Roberts. Homicide.
GWEN
What do you want?
DETECTIVE ROBERTS
(FROM WITHOUT)
I have some questions about a Bob
Wiley.
BESSIE
(to Gwen)
That was that sicko who kept calling
Dr. Marvin.
(loud)
What about him?
She opens the door. Detective Roberts is Bob.
BOB AS DETECTIVE ROBERTS
He's dead.
BESSIE
Oh my god. What happened?
BOB
Suicide. We think. Forty stories.
Free fall. Splat.
The operators gasp.
BOB
Now our records show that Bob made
several calls to this number just
before he died. Did either of you
know Bob personally?
BESSIE
Bob called here trying to reach his
psychiatrist.
BOB
That's interesting. What happened?
OPERATOR
I put him through once. After that,
Dr. Marvin didn't want to talk to
him again.
BOB
Uh HUH.
BESSIE
Wait a minute. Dr. Marvin couldn't
have had anything to do with Bob's
death.
BOB
Oh? Why not?
BESSIE
Dr. Marvin's on vacation.
BOB
Ah.
GWEN
Out of state. Lake Winnipesaukee.
BOB
Michigan?
BESSIE
New Hampshire.
BOB
Right.
BESSIE
We're not supposed to give out the
number but I can call him and...
BOB
That's okay. I'm sure we can find
him if we need him.
Bob writes down the information as he walks to the door.
BESSIE
God, I feel terrible. What if I was
the last person he talked to before
he died?
BOB
I frankly wouldn't let it bother me.
This guy had "sky diver" written all
over him if you know what I mean.
Bob closes the door behind him.
EXT. THE ANSWERING SERVICE HALLWAY, SAME
Bob almost throws up then puts the air sickness bag away
again. He takes a deep breath, smiles to himself, then exits.
INT. MARVIN'S SUMMER HOUSE BEDROOM, NIGHT
Marvin and Fay are asleep in bed. The phone rings. Fay turns
on the light.
MARVIN
That'd better not be who I think it
is.
Marvin answers the phone. Fay listens.
MARVIN (INTO PHONE)
Hello... What?... That's okay. Thanks
for calling, Bessie.
Marvin hangs up. He sits, stunned.
MARVIN
That was my service. That patient --
the one who called earlier --
committed suicide.
FAY
Oh Leo, how horrible.
Fay rubs Marvin's neck. There is a long pause.
MARVIN
Oh well. Let's not let it ruin our
vacation.
Marvin turns out the light and lies down.
INT. A BUS STATION, MORNING
Bob wears bermuda shorts and baseball cap. In one hand, like
a security blanket, he clutches a paper bag spilling over
with clothes, bottles of pills, and Baby Steps. In the other
hand he clutches a baggie holding Gil. Eyes fixed ahead, Bob
stares at:
A BUS looming large like a growling grumbling snorting
monster.
BUS EMPLOYEE APPROACHES
BUS EMPLOYEE
This is the last bus to Winnipesaukee,
Bob.
BOB
How many tunnels does it pass through
again? How many bridges?
BUS EMPLOYEE
If you keep your eyes closed, you
won't see any of them. You ready?
BOB
Baby steps, board the bus. Baby steps,
board the bus.
Bob looks at the bus again. He tips his bottle of pills and
swallows. He takes a small baby step towards the bus.
BUS EMPLOYEE
You think you could do it today,
Bob. We have a baby schedule to keep.
BOB
Baby step, board today. Baby step,
board today.
Bob inches into the bus.
INT. THE BUS, SAME
A bus driver sits ready to go. Bob walks like a cripple down
the aisle to an empty seat.
BOB
Baby step, down the aisle. Baby step,
down the aisle.
The passengers, a scurvy bunch, wait impatiently. Bob finally
takes a seat next to an old man and smiles nervously.
BOB
Hi. I'm Bob.
The old man scowls and looks forward. The bus driver closes
the door and the bus moves forward with a jolt.
BOB
Ah!!
(turns to the old man)
Would you knock me out, please?! Hit
me in the face, whatever you have to
do, just knock me out!
The old man moves away. Bob downs more pills.
INT. THE HOLLAND TUNNEL, DAY
The bus speeds through. We HEAR a long, loud SCREAM.
EXT. THE MARVIN PORCH, DAY
Marvin lies down in the hammock and picks up his book. Fay
enter.
FAY
Honey, let's go to the store.
EXT. THE OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, DAY
The Greyhound bus stops. Bob gets out and runs into a field.
He apparently vomits, then runs back to the bus.
INT. LAKE WINNIPESAUKEE GENERAL STORE, DAY
The Marvin family strolls through this old fashioned General
Store, loading food and supplies into a shopping cart. They're
all in shorts and looking resorty except for Siggy who is in
his usual all-black garb. Through the windows, outside, we
can see the quaint little town of Winnipesaukee.
MARVIN
Hugo said to expect eleven. Are you
sure we have enough?
FAY
We could feed the entire network,
honey. Relax.
Anna joins them and tosses in some cookies.
MARVIN
(to Anna)
By the way, did you call Ted Fein?
ANNA
Why? He's a salami with eyes.
MARVIN
I thought he was cute.
ANNA
How would you know a boy is cute?
Are you coming out of the closet?
FAY
Anna. Be nice.
(she fixes Anna's
collar)
MARVIN
(calmly)
She's just testing us, Fay. But don't
get psycho-sexual with me young lady.
ANNA
Me? When you want me to call some
guy cause his father's your publicist?
SIGGY
Yeah, dad. Don't be a psychosexual
pimp.
FAY
Siggy, don't talk that way to your
father.
MARVIN
They're both testing us, Fay. Don't
buy into it.
SIGGY
Yeah, mom. It's not meant for you,
it's meant for dad.
(at his father)
Testing. 1, 2, 3. Testing.
EXT. THE BUS STOP ACROSS FROM THE GENERAL STORE, DAY
A GREYHOUND BUS pulls to the bus stop. Passengers hurry off,
anxiously glancing behind them. Finally Bob, covered in sweat,
exits. Holding his bag and fish, squinting to adjust to the
sun, he stands in a daze as the bus pulls away. After a long
pause, Bob calls out.
BOB
Dr. Marvin! Dr. Leo Marvin!
Bob waits. Passers-by turn and stare. There is no Leo Marvin
in sight.
BOB
Dr. Marvin! Dr. Leo Marvin!
EXT. THE GENERAL STORE, SAME
The Marvin family exits carrying groceries. They stop at the
family station wagon and begin loading up.
BOB (O.S.)
Dr. Leo Marvin. Dr. Leo Marvin.
FAY
Leo, is somebody calling you?
MARVIN
I didn't hear anything.
BOB (O.S.)
Leo Marvin. Dr. Leo Marvin!
Everyone looks around.
FAY
Over there.
Marvin turns and sees Bob.
MARVIN
Oh my god... I don't believe it.
AT THE BUS STOP
Bob looks in all directions. Suddenly he sees Marvin.
BOB
Dr. Marvin. It's you!!
Bob walks toward the Marvins.
MARVIN
stands dumfounded. He watches Bob walking towards them. He
tries to stay calm.
MARVIN
Everybody get in the car.
FAY
Do you know that man, Leo?
BOB
Dr. Marvin! It's me, Bob!
MARVIN
(intense)
Get in the car.
Fay is surprised to see Leo so forceful. She hustles the
kids into the station wagon. Bob hurries up, out of breath.
In one hand he holds his bag. In the other he holds Gil in a
baggie. Marvin closes the station wagon door and stands
outside.
BOB
Hi! This is Gil. It must be fate
that I found you so quickly!
Bob stops and stands, a little out of breath.
BOB
Is this a bad time?
MARVIN
What are you doing here? I thought
you were..., dead.
BOB
Oh no, they told you? I fibbed a
little but... Don't be mad.
(spotting the family
in the car)
Oh...
A sweet beatific smile appears on Bob's face. He sighs.
BOB
The fam.
Marvin leads Bob away from the car, across the street.
EXT. ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE PARKING LOT, SAME
Marvin stops and faces Bob.
MARVIN
I think you know, Bob, that your
behavior is entirely inappropriate.
We talked about trust. We talked
about my needs. I want you to get on
a bus and go back to New York.
BOB
You're angry.
MARVIN
I don't get angry.
BOB
You're upset.
MARVIN
I don't get upset.
BOB
Then can't we just talk?
MARVIN
I don't see patients on vacation,
Bob. Ever. How many ways can I make
that clear?
BOB
But you can't just send me away!
I've read your book, I've been doing
what you told me, but I've completely
relapsed! A little time would mean
so much. Please.
MARVIN
Bob, I'm driving away now and I don't
want you to bother me again. You
came for my advice, correct?
BOB
Absolutely.
MARVIN
Then take my advice and go back to
New York.
BOB
But I can't go anywhere! I'm all
locked up!
MARVIN
You got yourself here.
BOB
Barely!
MARVIN
Getting back will therapeutic.
Bob starts begging.
BOB
Please just talk to me. Just a little
talk.
MARVIN
You're testing my patience, Bob.
BOB
A teeny tiny talk. An itty bitty
talk...
ANGLE FROM INSIDE THE CAR, WHAT THE FAMILY SEES
Bob is kneeling in front of Marvin.
BOB
Pretty please... Pretty please with
sugar...
The family exchanges quizzical looks.
BACK TO BOB AND MARVIN
Marvin looks around, incredibly embarrassed. He tugs at the
kneeling Bob.
MARVIN
(gritted teeth)
Get up. Come on, get up.
BOB
(standing)
Say you will. Please, say you will.
Marvin looks at his watch.
MARVIN
Bob, it's two o'clock. Go to the bus
station, buy a ticket home, then
wait in that restaurant.
He points to "GUTTMAN'S" coffee shop.
BOB
You'll meet me?!
MARVIN
I'll call you.
(looks at his watch)
In two hours.
BOB
Oh my god, you're the greatest!
Bob moves to hug Marvin and Marvin reluctantly lets him.
MARVIN
But you must buy your ticket and
give your word that you'll go home.
This is all about trust again, Bob.
We must have trust.
BOB
I trust. I absolutely trust. I'll go
buy my ticket. Right now!
MARVIN
I'll call you at four.
BOB
You couldn't possibly make it three
thirty, could you?
MARVIN
Bob...
BOB
Four it is. Four o'clock exactly.
Thank you, Dr. M.
Bob starts across the parking lot as Marvin gets in the car
and closes the door.
INT. THE MARVIN FAMILY STATION WAGON, SAME
As the car pulls out of the parking lot, Marvin's family
turns to look at Bob. Bob smiles and waves at the family.
FAY
Leo, you look disturbed.
MARVIN
I'm fine.
FAY
Who was that poor man?
MARVIN
Nobody.
Anna is looking out the back window at Bob. She waves.
ANNA
He's cute.
Marvin hits the accelerator, leaving rubber.
INT. GUTTMAN'S COFFEE SHOP, LATER
An ELDERLY COUPLE tend to the counters and glasses. Bob paces
by the phone, reading Baby Steps to himself. The clock on
the wall reads three o'clock.
BOB
Baby step to four o'clock. Baby step
to four o'clock.
Bob covers his eyes then looks at the clock. No luck.
Frustrated, Bob paces again.
BOB
I feel good, I feel great, I feel
four o'clock!
Again he looks at the clock: three-o-one. The elderly couple
watch. They speak with thick European accents.
ELDERLY WOMAN (MRS. GUTTMAN)
Sonny, your fishy's losing air.
BOB
Huh?
ELDERLY MAN (MR. GUTTMAN)
Your guppy.
Bob looks at Gil. The baggie is dripping.
BOB
Oh. Thanks.
Bob looks for something to do about the dripping baggie. Mr.
Guttman brings a glass and dumps Gil in.
BOB
Thank you.
MR. GUTTMAN
Is there something we can help you
with?
BOB
Can you make it four o'clock? Dr.
Marvin's supposed to call me then
but I'm going crazy.
MRS. GUTTMAN
Not Dr. Leo Marvin?
BOB
Do you know him?
MRS. GUTTMAN
He bought our dream house. We worked
a lifetime, saved up for a down
payment, then he swooped down with
his fancy schmancy lawyers and grabbed
it out from under us.
MR. GUTTMAN
Stay as far away from him as possible.
MRS. GUTTMAN
Like the plague.
BOB
No problem. I'm his patient but he
doesn't want me near him.
MR. GUTTMAN
We'll show you where he lives.
EXT. THE MARVIN SUMMER HOUSE, SAME
Marvin and Siggy march to the end of the Marvin dock. There
is a diving board. Siggy stands in a black terry robe and
flip flops.
MARVIN
Take off your robe. Everything you
wear is black. I wish you'd get off
this death fixation.
Siggy reluctantly takes off his black robe. Under it he wears
a black t-shirt and black bathing suit.
SIGGY
How do you know it's a death fixation?
Maybe I'm in mourning for my lost
childhood.
MARVIN
What do you mean by that?
SIGGY
What do you mean by asking?
MARVIN
Come on, get on the board and let's
see your approach.
SIGGY
(striking a pose)
My approach is to be suave and
debonair and sophisticated.
MARVIN
Come on, Siggy. 1, 2, 3 spring. Like
we learned last time. 1, 2, 3, spring.
Siggy reluctantly mounts the board. He stands, feet together,
then takes a step with his right foot.
SIGGY
1, 2, 3 spring. 1, 2, 3 summer. 1,
2, 3 fall. Time to go dad.
MARVIN
Cut it out, Siggy. Left foot...
SIGGY
This is no fun.
Siggy sighs then starts again. He awkwardly takes two steps
then stops at the end of the board, staring into the water,
afraid to dive.
MARVIN
Why didn't you dive?
SIGGY
With all the horror that's going on
in the world, what difference does
it make?
INT. MARVIN SUMMER HOUSE, SAME
The decor is New England cottage-y with a strong dose of Leo
Marvin: incredibly ordered. On a pedestal is a bust of Sigmund
Freud. On the mantle sit the family puppets: -- Anna, Siggy,
Fay, and Leo. Anna is at the family stereo, selecting a CD.
Fay is on the chordless phone at the kitchen window, giving
milk to some stray cats.
FAY
(INTO PHONE)
Of course I'm excited Ellie. The
last person they interviewed on
vacation was Dr Ruth.
Siggy enters and walks upstairs. Marvin enters and heads to
the living room chair. Fay hangs up.
FAY
He didn't dive.
MARVIN
No.
FAY
He's a little afraid of it, dear.
Have patience.
MARVIN
It's not like I'm making him jump
out of an airplane. When I was growing
up, I thought diving was fun.
ANNA
I thought you were born grown up.
Marvin stares at Anna. She puts on raucous heavy metal.
MARVIN
You're masking hostility, Anna Marvin.
Turn that down.
ANNA
It's full of Freudian symbols, dad.
It's educational.
Marvin turns down the volume, sits in his big easy chair,
then takes a deep breath. He picks up Freud's Understanding
Dreams. Anna puts on headphones and dances around wildly.
Marvin tries to read. Suddenly a face appears in the window.
It is Bob. He sees Marvin and taps on the window. Marvin
looks up and sees Bob.
MARVIN
What the...?
(he bolts to the front
door)
What are you doing here?
Bob stands holding Gil (in the glass) and his bag.
BOB
I'm sorry. Don't be mad. The Guttmans
brought me.
Bob turns and waves at the Guttmans who are walking into an
OLD TRAILER that occupies next lot.
BOB
Thank you Mr. and Mrs. G.!
MRS. GUTTMAN
Your welcome, Bobby, Hello, Dr.
Marvin!
The Guttmans wave. Marvin waves back.
MRS. GUTTMAN
Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin!
Marvin's hand falls. The Guttmans enter their trailer. Marvin
turns to Bob.
MARVIN
We agreed that I would call you.
Your coming here is unbelievably
inappropriate.
Anna comes to the door.
ANNA
Hi. I'm Anna.
BOB
I saw your picture. I'm Bob.
Fay comes to the door.
BOB
Hi. I'm Bob.
FAY
I'm Fay.
BOB
Oh, Mrs. M. You're even prettier
than your picture.
FAY
Why thank you.
MARVIN
(through his teeth)
Bob, I think you and I have some
things to talk about.
BOB
You do? You finally think so too?!
MARVIN
(to Fay)
Would you excuse us, dear?
FAY
Bob, may I take your fish?
Bob hands Gil to Fay and she walks into the kitchen. Anna
just stands there.
MARVIN
Anna.
Anna rolls her eyes and follows her mother.
ANNA
Nice to meet you, Bob.
BOB
You too.
Marvin leads Bob away. Bob sees the puppets on the mantle.
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE STUDY, SAME
Bob and Marvin enter the downstairs study. Marvin indicates
for Bob to take a seat.
BOB
Great place. No wonder the Guttmans
wanted it. I really feel bad about
barging in like this.
MARVIN
Forget it. I understand.
BOB
You do?
MARVIN
Of course I do. Your problems don't
go away just because I go on vacation.
They've been with you a long time
after all.
BOB
Ever since I can remember.
MARVIN
On the other hand, you're making
strides. You got here.
BOB
I baby stepped. I owe it to you.
Bob smiles. Marvin stares at Bob for a long time then:
MARVIN
Bob, take a look around you. What
does everything you see have in
common?
BOB
Er... I don't know... It's all owned
by you, that's obvious. Humm...
Everything's from a garage sale!
There is a long pause. Marvin stares at Bob.
MARVIN
Vacation, Bob. Everything you see is
part of a vacation. Every year, for
one month, I bring my family to this
house on vacation. Nice, isn't it?
BOB
It's wonderful. The lake. The trees.
The little town.
MARVIN
Do you know what the point of a
vacation is? Do you understand the
meaning of the word?
BOB
Sure.
MARVIN
You forget about your troubles. You
give up your worries. You drink from
the wellspring of relaxation that
enriches your soul.
(pause)
Now I can't, at this time, give you
the kind of therapeutic attention
that you need to solve all your
problems. Know why?
BOB
Er, because you're on vacation?
MARVIN
Excellent. But what I can do -- and
only I can do this because you trust
me don't you Bob?
BOB
Why else would I be here?
MARVIN
Exactly. What I can do is this.
Marvin goes to a drawer and pulls out a prescription pad. He
writes.
MARVIN
Get on your bus and go back to New
York. Every time a problem comes up,
follow this prescription.
BOB
(holds up his bag)
I don't need pills. I have plenty of
pills.
Marvin tears off a prescription sheet and hands it to bob.
MARVIN
It's not pills. Read it.
BOB
(taking it)
It says: "A vacation from my
problems."
MARVIN
I'm giving you permission to take a
vacation, Bob. Not a vacation from
your work. Not a vacation from your
daily life. But a vacation from...
BOB
My problems.
MARVIN
Every time you feel a problem coming
on, take that out and follow it to
the letter. Doctors orders.
BOB
Doctors orders.
Marvin stands.
MARVIN
I'm glad you came. I'll see you in
my office next month.
BOB
That's it?
MARVIN
You came here for relief, Bob. Read
your prescription.
Bob stands a moment, looking at his prescription.
BOB
This is... INCREDIBLE! This is
ASTOUNDING!! For the first time since
Menningers I feel free! I knew coming
up here was the right thing to do!
MARVIN
It feels right because you're here
and because you're leaving.
Bob comes over and hugs Marvin.
BOB
You've given me a great gift, doctor.
The gift of life. You're a great
man.
EXT.-INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, DAY
Marvin opens the door for Bob.
MARVIN
If you have any questions, call Dr.
Harmon.
BOB
Have a great vacation!
MARVIN
You too.
BOB
A vacation from my problems. You bet
I will!
Bob exits. Marvin closes the door and looks up at the ceiling.
He takes a deep breath then turns back into the room. There
is a knock at the door.
MARVIN
(AT THE DOOR)
Yes?
BOB
(FROM WITHOUT)
It's Bob. I forgot Gil.
Marvin opens the door.
BOB
My fish.
MARVIN
Oh. Right.
Bob strides into the kitchen and takes his fish. Sigmund,
now in his clothes, enters from upstairs.
BOB
You must be Sigmund.
MARVIN
Siggy, this is Bob. He's just leaving.
SIGGY
Hi.
BOB
Hi. This is Gil. My fish.
SIGGY
Cool. Did you get him out of the
lake?
BOB
No. He's a city fish.
SIGGY
Cool.
BOB
Your father is the most incredible
psychiatrist in the world! You better
appreciate him.
He strides to the door then turns wistfully.
BOB
Have a great vacation, fam.
MARVIN
You too, Bob.
SIGGY
Nice to meet you.
EXT. A WOODED LANE IN WINNIPESAUKEE, DAY
Bob walks down the country lane. Crickets chirp.
BOB
Vacation from my problems. Take a
vacation from my problems. A baby
stepping, lazy stepping vacation
from my problems.
Bob falls into a rhythm, almost a little jig as he walks.
LONG DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. LAKE WINNIPESAUKEE, MORNING
Roosters crow in the new day.
INT. THE MARVIN LIVING ROOM, SAME
Marvin, Fay and Siggy stand frozen, like artist's models,
staring at something. Is this suddenly a Godard movie? Are
we now in a Becket play? Finally:
MARVIN
It's too close to the wall.
SIGGY
Who cares?
Marvin moves to the couch and pulls it out from the wall
about three inches.
MARVIN
I care, and you should too. Our house
is going on national television
tomorrow. You want your friends to
think you live in a dump?
SIGGY
My friends would respect me for it.
MARVIN
You know, there's nothing wrong with
neatness. People joke but it's
actually a sign of a creative
intelligence. Right, Fay?
FAY
In isolated cases, sure.
MARVIN
What is that supposed to mean?
FAY
The room looks wonderful, dear.
Fay pecks him on the cheek and walks into the kitchen. Siggy
follows. Ditto Anna who starts cooking pancakes.
MARVIN
Seriously, what do you mean by that?
He gets no answer from the rest of the family who look at
each other and smile.
ANNA
You're incredibly creative, daddy.
Marvin goes back to making minuscule adjustments: adjusting
diplomas, etc. At the front door is a knock.
MARVIN
I'll get it. It's probably the van
with my art.
Checking out his "set" as he goes, Marvin opens the door.
It's Bob.
BOB
Good morning! I'll bet you're
surprised to see me!
MARVIN STANDS DUMFOUNDED
BOB
When I walked out of here last night
I said to myself, "Dr. Marvin's
absolutely right. Take a vacation
from your problems. Blow em off.
Just say 'no'." So I did!
MARVIN
But... You're back.
BOB
No I'm not.
MARVIN
You're not?!
BOB
Of course not. I'm taking a vacation.
This isn't an appointment, I'm
dropping by. I told the Guttmans
what you said and they found me a
cottage nearby.
MARVIN
No...
BOB
Yeah, the town is packed but I guess
if you know the right people...
Anyway, I know we can't work but
let's get the friendship thing going.
Marvin is absolutely flabbergasted.
BOB
I'm a little anxious about being
here by myself but I don't want to
barge in. I'll call. Give my best to
the fam and see ya around, okay?
Bob walks away. Marvin closes the door. He stands there for
a long time.
FAY
Who was that, Leo?
MARVIN
Nobody.
SIGGY
Again?
There is a knock on the door. Marvin opens it.
BOB
I almost forgot, here's your
newspaper. See ya.
Marvin takes the newspaper and closes the door.
ANNA
Wasn't that Bob?
There is another knock on the door. It's Bob.
BOB
You guys up for going out to
breakfast?
MARVIN
No!
BOB
Eating in. I admire that.
Marvin slams the door in Bob's face.
ANNA
That was Bob! I thought you said he
left town?
MARVIN
I did. I said exactly that.
Anna moves to the front door, after Bob. Marvin grabs her
arm and leads her to the kitchen.
MARVIN
And I don't want you letting him in
this house.
ANNA
Daddy, you're hurting me!
Anna wrenches her arm away.
ANNA
What's your problem?
MARVIN
I don't have a problem.
Fay walks in.
FAY
Honey, who is that man?
MARVIN
Nobody, Fay. Nothing to get excited
about. A work related problem just
went away.
(smiles nonchalantly)
It's fine.
He strolls off into the kitchen. Anna rubs her arm.
ANNA
I've never seen him like this.
FAY
(low)
If you want to know, I think your
father is nervous about going on
national television tomorrow. Freud
himself would be anxious so let's be
supportive, okay?
ANNA
He should go punch some pillows.
SIGGY
Or get shock treatment.
FAY
Remember that he's under pressure.
MARVIN (FROM THE KITCHEN)
Flap jacks!
EXT. A WOODED LANE IN WINNIPESALRKEE, DAY
Bob walks down the empty country lane. Crickets chirp.
BOB
Vacation from my problems. Take a
vacation from my problems. There's
nothing to fear, there's nobody here.
Nothing to fear
(he suddenly panics)
THERE'S NOBODY HERE!
He starts running and screaming.
EXT. THE MARVIN SUMMER HOUSE, MORNING
TWO MEN from a van are bringing in the art from Marvin's
office. Marvin is using a weed trimmer to spruce up the shrubs
to within an inch or their lives. Anna, in a bathing suit,
sunglasses, and skimpy cover-up exits the house, gives her
father a good-bye peck on the cheek then gets in the family
station wagon.
MARVIN
Where are you off to?
ANNA
Sailing.
MARVIN
With Teddy Fein?
ANNA
No. George Stark. The boy from the
plane.
MARVIN
It's a quarter mile to the marina.
Why do you need the car?
ANNA
I'm picking everybody up.
She starts the car and backs out.
MARVIN
Stay out of the sun! Remember what's
happening to the ozone layer.
EXT. A WOODED LANE IN WINNIPESAUKEE, DAY
Bob is running in a panic. Anna drives by and sees him.
ANNA
Bob!
Anna hits the brakes and slows next to Bob. He breaks to a
slow trot.
ANNA
Hi! Where you going?
BOB
Just to... town.
(pause)
Buy some..., Kleenex.
ANNA
Want a ride?
BOB
I don't think your dad would like
you picking me up.
ANNA
He wouldn't like a lot of things.
Hop in.
Bob hesitates then gets in.
INT. THE MARVIN STATION WAGON, SAME
Anna drives. Bob puts on his seat belt.
BOB
He seemed pretty upset this morning.
ANNA
He's nervous about the interview.
BOB
Interview?
ANNA
Maria Shriver's coming tomorrow to
talk about his book.
BOB
Wow... so that's the problem! And I
thought he was upset about me!
ANNA
Well he's always uptight, even when
it doesn't show.
BOB
He is?
ANNA
Sure. Imagine growing up with a dad
who sees every stage of growing up
as a Freudian passage. Did you ever
have crayons?
BOB
Sure.
ANNA
Fat or skinny?
BOB
Er, skinny, I think.
ANNA
(warning tone)
Uh oh.
BOB
What do you mean?
ANNA
Dad saw crayons as phallic symbols.
When I asked for skinny crayons, it
was a personal assault on his manhood.
BOB
What'd he do, buy a Porsche?
Anna laughs.
ANNA
I wish! He just kept psychoanalyzing
everything. My dolls were alter egos.
Boys who wanted to kiss me were
Oedipally fixated adolescents looking
to displace their mothers on their
aboriginal family totems.
BOB
Sounds like my friends to a tee.
(a beat)
You seem to be doing okay now.
ANNA
Hardly. I analyze everything to death.
Every time a guy smiles at me, I ask
myself is he really smiling or is he
just orally fixated? When I smile
back, I wonder, am I really attracted
or just smiling out of some residual
Cro-Magnon instinct? If I ever
actually have sex, I'm not sure I'll
know the difference between an orgasm
and an anxiety attack!
BOB
I have the same problem.
ANNA
The kinds of urges other girls act
on impulsively, I analyze until either
the urge goes away or --
BOB
Or what?
ANNA
The boy goes away.
Long pause.
BOB
Well. It sounds like your dad never
learned to leave his work at the
office.
ANNA
Lot of good it does me!
BOB
You'll make some man very happy
someday.
This hangs in the air. Anna looks at Bob.
ANNA
What are you doing today?
BOB
Buying Kleenex.
ANNA
Wanna come sailing?
BOB
Well, I... I, er...
ANNA
That's okay. You don't have to.
Bob looks at Anna. He sees her attraction to him and it makes
him nervous but he doesn't want to reject her. He looks down
shyly.
BOB
Actually, it's not that I don't want
to go. It's just that I've never
been on a boat and I'm not sure I
can handle it.
ANNA
There's nothing to it. George Stark's
doing the sailing.
BOB
Just thinking about gives me hives.
EXT. GEORGE STARK'S DAY SAILBOAT, DAY. CLOSE ON BOB
Standing next to the mast, his hair blowing in the wind.
BOB
You're right, this is great! I never
actually thought I could do this. I
never thought this could be me!
PULL BACK TO REVEAL
That Bob, wearing life preservers on his body and legs, is
wrapped onto the mast from chest to toe with ropes. Anna,
George Stark (from the airport) and a few other kids sit
around enjoying the sail.
EXT. THE MARVIN PRIVATE DOCK, DAY
Marvin stands at the end of the diving board, holding Siggy
by his ankles out over the water. On the shore next door,
the Guttmans sit in lounge chairs, fishing.
SIGGY
This is child abuse! If you drop me,
I'll prosecute!
MARVIN
I am not going to let go until you're
ready, okay? Trust me and put your
hands out like I showed you.
SIGGY
I'm not ready! Do you hear? I'm not
ready!!
George's sailboat heels by. From it wave Anna and some of
her friends -- and Bob.
BOB
(shouting and waving)
Hey Doctor M, look at me! I'm sailing!
Stunned, Marvin drops Siggy into the water. Siggy does a
belly flop then comes up for air, furious.
SIGGY
Murderer! Child molester...
MARVIN
Siggy, it was an accident!
THE GUTTMANS
Hitler!
EXT. A PIER NEAR WINNIPESAUKEE TOWN, LATER
Marvin walks along the shore towards the pier in time to see
Anna and a wobbly Bob disembark George's sailboat.
MARVIN
Anna!
Anna sees her father. She says good-bye to George and her
friends then walks towards her father. Bob starts towards
Marvin too.
BOB
Did you see me out there?! I'm getting
better all the time.
MARVIN
I want to see Anna alone.
Bob stops. Marvin waits while Anna walks to him.
MARVIN
I thought I told you to stay away
from Bob Wiley.
ANNA
No. You just said I couldn't let him
in the house.
Marvin starts walking away from the sailboating party towards
the town green. He puts his arm around Anna so that she has
to walk with him.
ANNA
Daddy, where are we going?
MARVIN
Home.
ANNA
What about the car? I left it at the
pier.
MARVIN
Leave it. It's been a while since
I've had a walk with my daughter.
Anna looks back at her friends and Bob. She shrugs then turns
back to her father. From his pockets Marvin removes the Leo
and Anna puppets and hands her "Anna".
ANNA
Daddy, not here!
MARVIN PUPPET
Anna, I know you think you're old
enough to know what's best for you
and I know you're at the age where
you don't want to listen to your
father. But as your father, who's
always loved you, I'm asking you not
to see Bob Wiley.
Anna grabs the Anna puppet and puts it on, defiantly.
ANNA PUPPET
I don't understand the problem! Bob's
a nice guy!
MARVIN PUPPET
Bob Wiley is a patient. He followed
me here from New York which is
bizarre. But even if it weren't
bizarre, my daughter seeing a patient
that I'm treating is entirely
inappropriate.
ANNA PUPPET
Bob said you're not treating him
here.
MARVIN PUPPET
He's right there!
ANNA PUPPET
So if you're not treating him while
he's here, then he's not a patient
while he's here, is he? And I have
the right to see him!
She throws the puppet at Marvin then runs to her friends.
MARVIN PUPPET
Anna, you're acting out!
ANNA
Bob's a perfectly nice guy! He's
intense and sensitive and he listens
which is more than I can say about
you. Bob!
Marvin stands a moment and watches. He is stunned.
MARVIN PUPPET
Anna, come back!
Anna runs to Bob and takes his arm. They start walking down
the shore. Marvin is dumbstruck.
INT./EXT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, LATER
Siggy lies on the deck, looking up at the sky through
binoculars. Fay is in the kitchen, arranging driftwood. She
comes to the back door of the cottage.
FAY
Why don't you come in and talk about
it?
Siggy says nothing.
FAY
Just because your father dropped you
in the water doesn't mean you can't
trust me.
SIGGY
You sleep with him. You're his spy.
INT. THE FRONT DOOR OF THE MARVIN HOUSE, SAME
Marvin enters, looking absolutely stunned.
FAY
Leo, you've upset Siggy.
Marvin stares blankly at Fay then shuffles up the stairs.
FAY
Leo...?
Again Marvin doesn't answer and Fay starts towards him.
SIGGY
That's right, go to him! You always
do.
Fay stops, looks at Siggy then goes upstairs after Leo.
EXT. THE DECK, DAY
Siggy lies back down and peers through the binoculars. As he
does, a grotesque CLOSE UP OF BOB pops into Siggy's field of
view. He sits up with a start. Bob and Anna are standing
over him.
BOB
Hey, Siggy.
SIGGY
Oh. Hi, Bob. You scared me.
BOB
Sorry. Didn't mean to sneak up on
you.
Siggy lies back down and looks through the binoculars, clearly
not interested in being social. Bob looks at Anna. She shakes
her head.
ANNA
Dad's at it again. I can tell.
(to Siggy)
Another vacation that's not a
vacation, right?
SIGGY
What's with him and diving? Maria
Shriver's not gonna watch me dive!
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE BEDROOM, SAME
Marvin is prostrate on the bed, Marvin puppet still on his
hand, staring at the ceiling. Fay enters. She sits down next
to Marvin and strokes his hair.
FAY
Leo, Siggy is really upset.
Marvin says nothing.
FAY
Leo...
Marvin looks at his wife.
MARVIN
Fay, I'm a failure.
FAY
What?
MARVIN
Our daughter, our only daughter, has
fallen for a brilliant manipulator
twice her age.
FAY
Leo, for god's sake talk sense.
MARVIN
Anna and Bob!
EXT. THE MARVIN PRIVATE DOCK, SAME
Siggy is standing on the diving board, ready for his approach.
Bob and Anna watch from the pier. Next door the Guttmans sit
watching.
BOB
Face a fear and it goes away.
SIGGY
Okay. I'm facing it, now what do I
do?
BOB
Hit it. Fast. While it isn't looking.
Siggy takes a deep breath, summons up his courage, and makes
his approach. He springs but can't dive.
SIGGY
My mind says "yes yes" but my body
says "no no". It's hopeless.
BOB
If I'm not hopeless, nothing's
hopeless...
Bob steps onto the board. He "baby steps" out to the end
where Siggy is standing.
BOB
Let's try something I saw in a pirate
movie.
INT. THE MARVIN BEDROOM, SAME
Marvin is down the hall in the bathroom, dousing his face
with water. Fay stands in the bedroom.
MARVIN
For God's sake, I'm even a failure
in my own book! Can you believe it?
In Chapter 2, I wrote that a healthy
adolescent girl can never have a
sublimated father complex and my
daughter has one.
FAY
It's a brief flirtation, honey. Anna's
perfectly healthy.
MARVIN
Then you're saying the book's wrong?
FAY
Better that than Anna.
Marvin washes his face some more then looks up.
MARVIN
Fay, my god!
Marvin walks into the room, water dripping off his face,
looking like a man who's just seen his own death.
FAY
Leo, what? Leo, what is it?
MARVIN
I'm going on national television
tomorrow -- to promote a fraud!
EXT. THE MARVIN PRIVATE DOCK, SAME
Bob is standing near the end of the diving board holding
Siggy by the hips. Siggy is hanging over the water, hands
and head down, ready to enter the water diving. Anna is
watching. So are the Guttmans.
BOB
Don't think about boiling oil!
SIGGY
I'm not.
BOB
Or searing acid!
SIGGY
I'm not!
BOB
Our Father, we commit this soul to
the sea.
Bob gently releases Siggy. Siggy falls into the water, diving.
Anna applauds. So do the Guttmans. Siggy resurfaces and throws
a jubilant fist in the air.
SIGGY
Yeah!
INT. THE MARVIN BEDROOM, SAME
Fay holds Marvin's head in her bosom, stroking him.
MARVIN
I'm doomed!
FAY
No you're not.
MARVIN
I'll be a laughing stock!
FAY
No you won't. You've blow this way
out of proportion, Leo, and you have
to get control. Now try your
breathing.
MARVIN
Okay.
(breathes hard)
I'm being ridiculous.
(more breaths)
You're right.
He walks around breathing exaggeratedly.
MARVIN
It's a brilliant book... Our
daughter's fine... I'm great.
FAY
That's right.
Applause from outside can be heard in the room. Fay goes to
the window.
MARVIN
Fay, do you remember a Carswell
Fensterwald?
FAY
My God, Leo, look at this.
MARVIN
The name is so familiar but --
FAY
Leo, Siggy's diving!
MARVIN
What?
Marvin looks out the window. He sees:
EXT. THE MARVIN PRIVATE DOCK, SAME. MARVINS' POV
Bob releases Siggy for another perfect dive.
BACK TO MARVIN
MARVIN
I'll put a stop to this!
Marvin storms out of the bedroom.
FAY
Leo!
EXT. THE MARVIN DOCK, SAME
Siggy stands at the end of the board, more confident now,
getting ready to do another dive. Bob holds Siggy again but
this time Siggy doesn't need much help if any. Marvin charges
down the dock, Fay right behind him.
MARVIN
Enough. Let go of him! That's enough!
FAY
Leo!
BOB
Dr. M., watch this!
SIGGY
(leaning over to dive)
Watch, dad!
MARVIN
Stop diving this instant!
ANNA
Dad!
Marvin leaps onto the diving board, shaking it. Bob loses
his grip and Siggy falls off the board, doing a back buster.
Bob falls in too.
SIGGY
Ow!
(daggers at Marvin)
You bastard!
FAY
Leo! Look at what you're doing! Leo,
look at yourself!
Everybody looks at Marvin, standing alone on the board. He
realizes that he's lost all control, something he never does.
He looks at the Guttmans.
MARVIN
What are you staring at? I had every
right to buy this house!
ANNA
(looking in the water)
Where's Bob? Where's Bob?!
Anna and Fay dive into the water. They go under looking for
Bob.
EXT. THE MARVIN HOUSE DECK, AFTERNOON
Bob is off a bit by himself, wringing out his clothes. Fay,
Anna and Siggy sit toweling off. Marvin comes out of the
house and talks in low tones to his family.
MARVIN
Listen, everybody, I'm not wrong
often, but when I am, I admit it.
I'm sorry. I mean it. How can I make
it up?
There is a pause. Anna and Siggy and Fay look at each other.
SIGGY
Knocking Bob in the water was awful.
What if he hadn't known how to swim?
MARVIN
But he did. I'm not saying I was
right, but Bob can do a lot of things
no one thought he could do.
Anna, Fay and Siggy are silent.
MARVIN
Look, I said I was wrong now I'd
like to forget it. I'd like you all
to accept my apology.
ANNA
What about Bob?
MARVIN
What about Bob?!
ANNA
Don't you think you should apologize
to him?
ANGLE ON BOB
at the outdoor shower, rinsing off his clothes. He can't
hear the family but he can see they're talking about him and
he's giving them his best hang-dog looks.
MARVIN
I will not apologize to Bob.
ANNA
Why not?
MARVIN
Because I won't.
FAY
Honey, why are you so hostile towards
the poor man?
MARVIN
Because he's a patient, Fay! Don't
you get it?
SIGGY
He's not a patient, he's a person.
ANNA
And a nice one.
FAY
I think we should invite him for
dinner.
MARVIN
Dinner?!
FAY
Dinner.
ANNA
Really?!
FAY
The poor fellow's devastated.
Fay heads towards Bob. Marvin turns to her. He keeps his
voice low to keep from being heard by Bob, but inside he is
about to explode.
MARVIN
I don't want Bob for dinner, Fay.
FAY
Leo...
MARVIN
I don't want Bob for dinner, Fay. I
want to think about my interview.
Leo is trying not to explode. Fay hangs in the balance.
ANNA
Do it, mom. Invite him. You'd be
making family history. It'd be the
first major thing you've done on
your own since I've known you!
FAY
Right is right, Leo Marvin.
Fay heads to Bob. Marvin's mouth falls open.
SIGMUND
Testing 1, 2, 3. Testing. For the
next few seconds we will be conducting
a test of the emergency broadcast
system:
MARVIN SIGGY
Fay talks to Bob. Anna heads over to him too. Marvin stands
speechless, ready to commit hari-kari.
EXT. THE MARVIN HOUSE PATIO, EVENING
Dusk has descended over Lake Winnipesaukee. The glow of the
moon, the stars, and lights from the other cottages along
the lake shore provide peaceful illumination. The Marvin
family -- and Bob -- are dining out on their deck overlooking
the lake. Marvin sits silent, holding in his anger. Bob,
swinging at occasional moths, sits next to Siggy.
BOB
Get away. Get away!
SIGGY
Ring around the moon. Rain coming
soon.
BOB
(edgy to Siggy)
Gee, is that true?
MARVIN
It's superstitious nonsense.
Anna and Fay exit the cottage carrying trays of food.
BOB
(to Fay and Anna)
That looks scrumptious.
Anna smiles and hands the first plate of food to Bob. Marvin
sees this and crosses his arms. He shoots a death stare at
Anna. She defiantly shoots it right back. Bob sees this
exchange of looks.
BOB
Did I do something?
FAY
No, Bob. It's fine. Eat up. Leo.
Fay looks at Marvin and shakes her head "no".
BOB
(eating)
Mmmm. Mmmmm. This sure is good. Mmmm.
Mmmmm. Mmmmm.
MARVIN
Would you please stop that?
BOB
Oh. Sorry, Leo. Would you pass the
salt?
MARVIN
And don't call me Leo.
BOB
I'm sorry. You said in your office
that I could call you Leo.
MARVIN
That was in my office. In my home
you will call me Dr. Marvin.
Marvin snaps the salt down next to Bob. Bob looks helplessly
at Fay. Fay puts a hand on Bob's arm.
FAY
(low)
He's nervous about the interview
tomorrow. Don't take it personally.
BOB
(to Marvin)
Hey, that's right, I heard about
your upcoming debut. Congratulations.
Marvin nods and eats. Bob throws salt over his shoulder then
salts his food.
BOB
Your book's going to do a lot of
people a lot of good, Le-- Dr. Marvin.
I'm walking proof of that.
Marvin chokes on the food he's eating. Siggy slaps his dad
on the back. Marvin keeps coughing.
SIGGY
Dad?
FAY
Sweetheart?
Marvin turns red and points to his throat. He falls to the
deck on his side. Bob stands.
BOB
Don't panic! I know what to do!
Bob hurries to Marvin, lies beside him, and administers the
Heimlick maneuver. On the second try, Marvin's throat clears.
Marvin lies in Bob's arms, coughing.
SIGGY
Dad, you okay?
ANNA
Daddy?!
FAY
Honey?!
Marvin says something. Fay leans over him to hear.
FAY
Leo, are you okay?
MARVIN
I said..., get him off me!
Bob lets go of Marvin. Marvin coughs and crawls away.
SIGGY
Bob, you saved him!
ANNA
Incredible! Wonderful!
FAY
Thank you!
Fay helps Marvin gets to his feet. Suddenly, there is a flash
of lightning. Bob jumps. Rain begins to fall. Marvin looks
up.
SIGGY
Told you so.
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, NIGHT
The rain outside is coming down in buckets. Marvin is in the
living room, re-straightening the furniture and art ever so
meticulously. He adjusts a diploma over the mantle. Anna,
Fay, Siggy and Bob are in the kitchen, doing the dishes.
BOB
(SINGING)
"I'm singing in the rain, Just singing
in the rain, What a glorious feeling,
Bob throws his pack of Kleenex into the trash.
BOB
(SINGING)
I'm happy again!
Bob retrieves the pack of Kleenex from the trash.
BOB
(SINGING)
"I walk though the kitchen With a
bowl full of chicken
(puts the chicken in
the fridge)
I'm singing, I'm singing In the rain."
Anna and Fay and Siggy start a dance. Marvin enters.
MARVIN
Look, tomorrow morning is very
important and I'd like to call it a
night. I don't want to be rude but I
think it's time for Bob to sing his
way home.
FAY
(re: the rain)
Honey, you don't expect Bob to walk
back in this do you?
MARVIN
Did I say that? I'll drive him.
ANNA
The car's still in town, daddy.
MARVIN
What?
ANNA
You said to leave it, remember? We
walked home.
Marvin seethes then looks darkly at Anna.
MARVIN
The rain's bound to let up. Bob can
go then.
SIGGY
What if it starts up again while
Bob's on the way?
MARVIN
(nastily)
He can borrow my slicker.
INT. THE MARVIN LIVING ROOM, LATE NIGHT
Marvin stands staring out the window like he'd like to murder
the rain that is still coming down in torrents. Bob is on
the couch, sitting alone, wearing Marvin's yellow slicker,
looking unwanted. Anna, Siggy and Fay sit quietly, watching
Marvin. Bob looks at Fay and shrugs like he's sorry. Fay
puts a sympathetic hand on Bob's.
FAY
Leo.
MARVIN
Shsh.
FAY
Leo...
MARVIN
Quiet. It's letting up.
There is a crash of thunder that shakes the rafters. Marvin
reaches out and slowly scratches the window, creating a tiny
squeaking sound. Fay walks to him.
FAY
(low)
Leo, we can't make the poor fellow
sit here all night. Let's let him
stay over.
MARVIN
Stay over? Honey, Maria Shriver's
coming in the morning. Maria Shriver!
You want some guy sleeping on our
couch when Maria Shriver gets here?
He almost laughs at the idea.
FAY
There's an extra bed in Siggy's room.
Bob, would you like to spend the
night?
BOB
Well I... Do you have a dacron pillow?
SIGGY
That's a great idea!
MARVIN
Fay!
BOB
Are you sure I'm not imposing?
MARVIN
Of course you are -- !
FAY
-- aren't. Anna, find an extra set
of sheets. Siggy, get one of your
father's robes for Bob.
Fay shoots Marvin a dirty look then exits the room with Anna.
Marvin claws the window making a bone chilling squeak.
INT. SIGGY'S ROOM, NIGHT
Siggy's room has twin beds arranged head to head against the
corner. Bob, wearing one of Marvin's robes, enters. Siggy is
hanging up his clothes.
SIGGY
Did you find a toothbrush?
BOB
Yeah.
(belches and hits his
chest)
Excuse me.
SIGGY
You care which bed?
BOB
I'd prefer facing southeast.
INT. MARVIN'S BEDROOM, SAME
Marvin enters in his pj's. Fay is preparing for bed.
MARVIN
Have you seen my new toothbrush?
FAY
It should be in the bathroom.
MARVIN
Well it should be but it's not!
Fay shoots Marvin a dirty look then heads towards the
bathroom.
FAY
Just because you're nervous about
tomorrow, Leo Marvin, doesn't give
you the right to get snippy. If you
can't handle the pressure, postpone
the interview.
MARVIN
Fay, it's not the interview -- I
mean I am nervous about it -- but
that's not what's bugging me. It's...
him.
FAY
Him who? Bob?
MARVIN
No, Siggy. Yes, Bob! Who else?
FAY
Leo, quiet. He'll hear you.
MARVIN
Why shouldn't he hear me? Don't you
get it, he's a sick person. A
multiphobic mess! He faked suicide...
FAY
Isn't that a cry for help?
MARVIN
...Followed me up here from New York,
wormed his way into my house. For
all I know, he's a mass murderer!
FAY
Oh come on, Leo, he's a sweet guy.
Perfectly harmless.
MARVIN
You don't know that! Everything he's
done violates the patient-doctor
relationship. Now he's in there with
our son!
INT. THE SIGGY'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
Bob and Siggy lie in Siggy's twin beds. Outside, lightning
flashes. Bob chews his nails.
SIGGY
Bob?
BOB
Yeah.
SIGGY
How come you go to dad? Are you really
sick or just maladjusted?
BOB
Sick. You ever had a bee buzz your
face that wouldn't go away?
SIGGY
Sure. Once or twice.
BOB
When I was twelve, I had one buzz me
for three weeks.
Lightning strikes again. Bob bites his nails. He stands and
paces a bit. He notices some books in Siggy's bookcase.
BOB
Whoa. You got some heavy stuff here.
Denial of Death, Fear and Trembling,
Sickness Unto Death.
SIGGY
Those are dad's.
BOB
He lets you read this stuff?
SIGGY
He hid them but I found them.
Bob looks in one, shudders, then puts it back on the shelf.
SIGGY
Bob?
BOB
Yeah?
SIGGY
Are you afraid of death?
BOB
Sure. Are you kidding?
SIGGY
What do you do about it? I mean, how
do you cope?
BOB
Well... The way I figure it, if it
weren't called "death", it wouldn't
be so bad. I mean what if it were
called "dink"?
SIGGY
Dink?
BOB
Then it would be fine. We'd say
"Grandma dinked." "The garbage man
dinked."
SIGGY
My turtle just dinked.
BOB
Exactly. Then we wouldn't worry
anymore.
SIGGY
Hey, you're right!
BOB
'Course we'd still have to worry
about Barrett's Esophagus and Black
Water Fever and Tourette's Syndrome.
SIGGY
What's Tourette's syndrome?
INT. FAY AND MARVIN'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
Fay and Leo lie near sleep. Suddenly, from the other room,
comes a loud barrage of profanity.
SIGGY (O.S.)
FART BRAIN!
BOB (O.S.)
BOOGER HEAD!
SIGGY (O.S.)
DONKEY DICK!
Fay and Marvin spring out of bed.
INT. SIGGY'S ROOM, NIGHT
Bob and Siggy are jumping up and down on their beds, spouting
profanity at each other. Marvin and Fay rush in.
MARVIN
What is going on in here?!
Bob and Siggy jump under the covers.
SIGGY
Sorry, Dad.
BOB
Sorry.
MARVIN
I asked you a question!
SIGGY
Tourette's Dad. You know, Dad.
BOB
Yeah, Dad... Leo... Dr. Marvin.
Marvin glares at Bob. Fay nudges Marvin.
FAY
It's kids being kids, Leo.
MARVIN
I don't want to hear another peep
out of this room. I'm trying to get
some sleep around here! Tomorrow is
the most important day of my career!
CBS is coming here. Maria Shriver is
coming here. Millions will be
watching. And buying!
SIGGY
I'm sorry, Dad. We'll stop.
BOB
We got carried away. We won't do it
again.
Marvin stares at Bob.
MARVIN
I want you out by six thirty.
Understand. Maria Shriver comes at
seven, I want you out by six thirty.
BOB
Sure. Would you like something for
sleep?
MARVIN
What?
BOB
I've got Valium if you need it.
MARVIN
I don't need Valium.
BOB
Halcyon? Seconal?
MARVIN
I need peace and quiet!
BOB
I'll be quiet.
SIGGY
And I'll be peace.
Bob nudges Siggy and they try to contain their laughter.
Marvin glares at them then storms out. Fay comes up and tucks
them into their beds.
BOB
It's my fault, Mrs. M., we should
have been quieter.
FAY
We just have to get him through Maria
Shriver. Sleep tight. Don't let the
bed bugs bite.
BOB
Bed bugs!
FAY
It's just an expression.
BOB
Oh right. 'Night.
She turns out the light and pulls the door closed.
BOB
Mrs. M!
Fay opens the door.
BOB
Would you mind leaving it cracked?
Fay smiles and leaves the door cracked.
EXT. LONG SHOT OF LAKE WINNIPESAUKEE, EARLY MORNING
A clearing storm, right after dawn. Three vans from "CBS
Morning" wind along the lake towards town.
EXT. THE SECOND STORY OF THE MARVIN HOUSE, SAME
Through the window we see Siggy and Bob sound asleep in their
beds. DOLLY ACROSS the clapboards to Leo and Fay's room where
Fay lies sound asleep and Marvin lies looking at his watch.
It lets out a series of beeps and he stands and exits. DOLLY
back to Siggy's room where Marvin knocks, loudly.
MARVIN
Six o'clock, rise and shine!
Siggy sits up. Bob doesn't stir. Marvin enters, watch beeping,
and walks to Bob. He puts the watch next to Bob's ear.
MARVIN
Rise and shine. Six o'clock. Rise
and shine, rise and shine.
Bob doesn't move. Fay and Anna enter in robes.
MARVIN
Bob... Bob!
He shakes Bob's bed.
MARVIN
BOB!
Bob sleeps through incredible shaking and yelling from a
desperate Marvin then suddenly sits up with a start.
BOB
AHHHH!
Everybody leaps back.
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSEHOLD, EARLY MORNING
Marvin is in the living room, dressed in his stiffest casuals
from L.L. Bean, nervously adjusting his "set". Fay is in the
kitchen, preparing food. Momentarily, Bob comes bounding
down the stairs.
BOB
(more and more rapidly)
Baby stepping down the stairs. Baby
stepping down the stairs!
He turns and sees Marvin.
BOB
Hello! Is this a beautiful day or
what?
Marvin walks to Bob.
MARVIN
(gritted teeth)
Leave.
BOB
I had the most incredible dream last
night, I --
MARVIN
Go.
BOB
Is this something you want me to
work out on my own?
MARVIN
Now!
BOB
Well. You've been right about
everything so far. God, therapy is a
fascinating process. 'Bye Mrs. M.
Thank you for everything. 'Bye Anna.
See you later.
ANNA (O.S.)
'Bye Bob. See you later today, maybe.
FAY (O.S.)
Don't be a stranger.
BOB
You know me. I won't.
(towards the upstairs)
So long, ass wipe of the universe!
SIGGY
(coming to the railing
upstairs)
'Bye dog pissing barf brain!
MARVIN
Siggy! Bob!
Bob exits out the front door.
BOB (O.S.)
Later, fart smelling douche bag!
(beat)
Maria Shriver's here.
Marvin turns red in the face. He walks to the door.
EXT. INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE DOORWAY, SAME
MARIA SHRIVER and her entourage - PRODUCER, DIRECTOR, video
crew, etc. -- approach the door.
MARIA SHRIVER
Dr. Marvin, Maria Shriver.
MARVIN
(swallows nervously)
Hello.
MARIA
I hope we're not too early. May we
come in?
Marvin steps aside. The crew enters with equipment.
MARVIN
Sure. I thought by the fireplace...
CREW MEMBER
It's a fireplace shot, fellows.
INT. THE MARVIN SUMMER HOUSE, SAME
Bob walks to the side screen door, pushes his nose to it and
watches. Marvin sees this and motions Bob away with his hand.
Bob waves back. Two men approach Marvin.
DIRECTOR
I'm the Director, Howie Katrell.
This is Lenny Burns, our Producer.
Marvin shakes their hands. Maria admires the house.
MARIA
This is even nicer than the pictures.
MARVIN
Thank you.
MARIA
Is this your family?
MARVIN
Oh, sorry. This is my wife, er, Fay.
My daughter Anna, and my son...
Marvin is so nervous, he's forgotten Siggy's name.
SIGGY
I'm Siggy, dad. How's Arnold? Can
you get me his autograph?
MARVIN
Sigmund...
MARIA
I think I can swing it.
SIGGY
Really? Wow!
Maria looks at Bob who is still standing in the screen door.
MARIA
Hi. I'm Maria.
BOB
I'm Bob.
He opens the screen door and shakes her hand. This done,
Marvin closes the screen door on Bob.
MARVIN
Bob's a patient. He was just --
MARIA
Wow. A Baby Stepper in action. Neat
idea. Howie, Dr. Marvin's gonna have
a patient on with him.
HOWIE
Fine. Let's can the fireplace shot
and --
MARVIN
Now wait just a minute!
HOWIE
That's okay. We can still use the
fireplace. Phil, what say we set up
over there and...
Bob opens the screen door and walks back in. Marvin sees
this and can't believe it.
MARVIN
Ms. Shriver, --
MARIA
You know the more I think about this,
Doctor, the more I love it. I mean
who better to testify to the
effectiveness of your book than one
of your patients. I think it's a two
parter, Lenny.
LENNY
I do to. Great idea, Dr. Marvin.
Terrific.
He slaps a disbelieving Marvin on the back.
INT. THE MARVIN LIVING ROOM, MORNING
The room is bright lit for TV and the crew is making last
minute adjustments. Marvin and Bob sit on the couch, both
nervous wrecks, Bob clutching his copy of Baby Steps and an
air sickness bag, Marvin clutching a copy of his book.
Marvin's diplomas and art are displayed prominently on the
"set". The proud family looks on. Fay leans in with a lint
roller, rolls Marvin's shirt, kisses him, and backs out.
HOWIE
Live feed in ten.
FAY
Knock em dead, honey.
LENNY
Howie, I don't like that there.
A crew person rushes up and takes down Marvin's diploma.
HOWIE
Five -- four -- three --
BOB
Can I use the bathroom?
Howie points at Maria.
MARIA
(TO TV CAMERA)
Good Morning. We're live in the
beautiful Lake Winnipesaukee summer
home of Dr. Leo M. Marvin, author of
the newest sensation in therapy,
Baby Steps. Also with us is Dr.
Marvin's patient, Bob Wiley. Good
morning, Dr. Marvin. Bob.
BOB AND MARVIN
(SIMULTANEOUSLY)
Good morning.
Marvin shoots Bob a dirty look. Bob smiles innocently.
Suddenly Bob takes out his air sickness bag and holds it out
as if to throw up in it. After a long beat, Bob puts it back.
BOB
False alarm. Sorry.
Bob smiles. Marvin turns beet red.
MARIA
Dr. Marvin, it takes a remarkable
amount of confidence in your methods
to bring on a patient with you. What
in particular about Bob's prior
condition would you like to share
with us?
Marvin looks at Bob. A tiny, sadistic smile comes across his
face. There are a million things he'd like to say about Bob --
to humiliate him, punish him, discredit him, ridicule him,
vilify him, pillory him -- on national TV.
MARVIN
Nothing.
MARIA
Nothing? Nothing in particular you
think we should know?
MARVIN
No.
MARIA
Hum... Well...
(pause)
Let me try you, Bob.
She smiles at Bob. Bob takes out his air sickness bag again.
He holds it for a long time then puts it away. He smiles.
BOB
Okay.
MARIA
Have you been a patient of Dr.
Marvin's for a long time?
BOB
Long time? I wouldn't call it a long
time.
(looking at Marvin)
What? Three or four days?
MARIA
Days?!
INT. A DINGY ROOM IN A DOWNTOWN URBAN SPRAWL, SAME
Carswell Fensterwald sits watching Marvin and Bob on TV.
Marvin is a bumbling wreck, trying to save this one.
MARVIN
(ON TV)
Well... you see... I was..., he was...
I was..., following his case
through..., another psychiatrist...
He thought I was, er, the perfect
doctor for the case. Because of my
book.
MARIA
(ON TV)
Ah.
BOB
Why you sly dogs, he was right! I
want to say that if more wisdom, or
more empathy, or more pure
intelligence exists than exits in
this man, I want to know about it.
Do you know that he actually had me
sleep here last night? In his jamies,
using his toothbrush!
MARIA
(ON TV)
That's a very unusual technique.
Fensterwald pounds his chair and howls with glee.
BACK TO MARVIN'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM, SAME
MARVIN
Well --
BOB
I'll say and I've been to them all.
Doctors who made you beat pillows.
He demonstrates by beating a couch pillow.
BOB
Doctors who make you scream.
Bob suddenly screams. Marvin jumps.
BOB
But this doctor has something simple.
Baby Steps.
Bob holds up Baby Steps then stands and walks back and forth
in front of Marvin. He holds the book so that it can be seen
by the TV camera.
BOB
Baby step across the room. Baby step
across the room...
He leans and looks into the TV camera.
BOB
Are you getting the book?
Bob plops back on the couch.
BOB
Let me tell you what I used to be
like before I met Dr M.
Bob puts his arm around Marvin.
BOB
Eleven years ago I was not the man
you see today. Eleven years ago...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, MORNING
The CBS vans are loading up. Maria, Lenny and Howie stand at
the door saying good-by. Marvin hovers in the background, in
shock.
MARIA
Bob, that stuff about yourself was
refreshingly honest. Could we talk
to you again in a few months to update
your progress?
BOB
Sure. As long as my doctor gives
permission.
Marvin tries to force a smile but can't. A CBS staff
photographer comes over, places Bob and Maria in his frame
and snaps a picture. The CBS people head off.
MARIA
Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs.
Marvin.
FAY
Anytime!
Maria and CBS leave.
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE LIVING ROOM, SAME
The family and Bob move back into the house. Looking like a
zombie, Leo closes the door. He stands still for a long
moment.
MARVIN
I'm... ruined!
FAY
Ruined?
MARVIN
My career... Everything I've worked
for..., over!
Marvin ambles across the room like a cripple. The family
watches in shock.
ANNA
But daddy...
Suddenly Marvin turns on Bob.
MARVIN
Get out.
BOB
Is it something, I said?
Marvin moves at Bob, backing him towards the front door.
MARVIN
GET OUT!!
Seeing Marvin's rage, Bob backs out and Marvin closes the
door. After a moment there's a knock. Marvin opens it.
BOB
Is this aversion therapy?
MARVIN
GO AWAY NOW!
BOB
Okay.
Marvin slams the door again. The family is stunned.
FAY
My god, Leo, what's got into you?
SIGGY
Dad, you're over reacting. What about
Bob?
EXT. THE CRIS CRAFT BOAT, DAY
The doctors and their wives sit rapt, listening to Doctor 3.
WIFE
Yeah, what about Bob?
ANOTHER DOCTOR
What about Bob?
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE LIVING ROOM, DAY
MARVIN
WHAT ABOUT BOB?!
SIGGY
Dad...
ANNA
Daddy, look at your behavior. What
are you doing?
MARVIN
What am I doing? What am I doing?!
He strides across the room. He finds his electronic organizer,
opens it, and pushes buttons.
MARVIN
Wednesday... Afternoon...
He holds out the organizer for family to see the readout.
MARVIN
I'm going sailing!
OMITTED
Sequence omitted from original script.
EXT. THE COUNTRY ROAD, DAY
Bob walks down the road, upset, talking to himself.
BOB
The fam is hurt. I've hurt them. I
didn't mean to. Certainly they realize
that. I've hurt the fam. Hurt the
fam. I've hurt the fam.
The Marvin station wagon, Marvin driving, passes. Bob sees
Fay, Siggy, and Anna turn and wave.
BOB
Hi fam!
(pause)
Bye fam!
The car speeds on.
BOB
I hurt the fam.
EXT. THE WINNIPESAUKEE PIER, DAY
Marvin's family climbs aboard a small sailboat. Marvin pulls
a line onto the deck, then the boat glides out into the lake.
EXT. WINNIPESAUKEE TOWN, FILLED WITH VACATIONERS, SAME
Bob wanders, looking lost, mumbling.
BOB
I could apologize. But then I'd have
to go back and I'm not sure they
want me. I hurt the fam. That much I
know. Hurt the fam.
VENDOR (O.S.)
Hot dog, bub?
Bob looks idly up. A VENDOR with a cart is talking to Bob.
BOB
(distracted)
Sure.
The VENDOR hands Bob a hot dog. Bob hands him money then
wanders off.
NEW ANGLE, A BUSY GREEN BESIDE THE PIER, DAY
Families of tourists stroll. Bob stands staring dejectedly
out at the lake. Unthinkingly, he takes a bite of the hot
dog then turns.
BOB
This has to be some kind of test. I
know I hurt them but they have to
know I didn't mean it. If it's a
test... I ate a hot dog.
Bob stares at the hot dog like it just spoke Greek.
BOB
I ATE A HOT DOG!
The tourists turn and stare.
EXT. LAKE WINNIPESAUKEE, SAME
Marvin stands at the helm, sailing the small sailboat across
lake. The breeze blows Marvin's hair, making him look wild.
Anna suns. Siggy casts a fishing line. Fay stares into
nowhere.
MARVIN
I mean it's summer time right, what
could their audience be, five million?
Most of them hardly pay attention
anyway, right? The point is, the
book got on. It couldn't hurt sales,
that much could it?
FAY
Of course not.
MARVIN
I mean... It's a disaster, Fay!
FAY
Honey...
ANNA
Hey, look. Isn't that Bob?
Off the bow, a small motorboat is approaching.
ANGLE ON THE MOTORBOAT, SAME
Bob is steering a small motorboat towards the sailboat. He
holds half of his hot dog out like a trophy.
BOB
Dr. M! Dr. M., I've had a
breakthrough! I ate a hot dog! I'm
driving a boat! Thanks to you!
ANGLE IN THE SAILBOAT
ANNA
It is Bob! It's Bob!
MARVIN
Oh no.
SIGGY
Hey, Bob!
Anna and Siggy wave. Marvin's eyes narrow. Bob keeps shouting
as he motors closer.
BOB
I'm really making progress now! I
feel like a whole new world is opening
up!
He keeps getting closer.
BOB
My childhood memories are rushing
over me like a flood!
Marvin turns the rudder and comes about.
MARVIN
Coming about!
He turns the sailboat and heads the opposite direction from
Bob.
ANNA
Daddy, what are you doing?
MARVIN
(at Bob's boat)
Go away!
BOB
What?
ANNA
Daddy, he's trying to talk to you.
SIGGY
Dad...
Marvin keeps sailing away. But Bob's boat is faster and it's
gaining. Marvin sees this, jerks the rudder again, and turns
ninety degrees. He stands and shouts at Bob.
MARVIN
Go away, do you hear me!!
FAY
Leo, the boom!
The boom hits Marvin square in the chest, and knocks him
overboard.
ANNA, FAY, SIGGY
Daddy! Leo! Dad!
EXT. THE WATER, LAKE LEVEL, SAME
Marvin bobs in the water. The pilotless sailboat heels away.
Bob dives in, swims to Marvin, and grabs him by the chin in
a traditional life-saver hold. As Siggy gains control of the
sailboat, Bob begins doing the side stroke towards the distant
shore with Marvin in tow.
BOB
I never had a father, really. Dad
left one morning and never came back.
My earliest memory is mom with a
suitcase. Do you think that's
significant?
Marvin is a prisoner in tow. He drags himself under water.
Bob pulls him up and keeps swimming.
BOB
I'd like to do some free association
about my infancy: A beachball. A
dog. A frog. A log. Poodle, noodle,
doodle...
As Bob swims Marvin towards the shore, going on and on with
this inane free association...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, AFTERNOON
Marvin, dry and dressed now, exits the house and gets in the
station wagon. He honks. Momentarily Bob runs out.
BOB
(at the house)
Will do!
Bob gets in the car. Affectless, Marvin stares at him.
BOB
Wherever we're going, Fay wants us
home by seven.
MARVIN
No problem.
Marvin accelerates away, rudely.
EXT./INT. THE MARVIN STATION WAGON, DAY
Rain is falling. The wipers swish. Marvin drives through
pastoral New Hampshire countryside focused, perhaps too
intently, on the road. Bob sits beside him.
BOB
It's a combustible relationship,
isn't it? Is it just you and me or
is it you and everybody?
(pause)
So what's the big surprise?
MARVIN
Intensive psychotherapy.
BOB
Really?!
MARVIN
Isn't that what you came here for?
BOB
Yeah! But what brought this on now?
MARVIN
You're ready.
BOB
Wow. This is exciting.
EXT. THE TOMSKY CONVALESCENT HOME, DAY
The rain has let up. Marvin pulls up to a gated estate
sporting expansive grounds and a hotel sized main building.
Marvin stops at a guard gate.
MARVIN
Leo Marvin to see Dr. Tomsky.
The GATE GUARD checks a list. He waves Marvin through. GATE
GUARD Main building doctor. They're expecting you.
BOB
Where are we?
MARVIN
Therapy land, Bob. A twentieth century
theme park of the mind.
They drive.
MARVIN
The lines look short today.
EXT. THE TOMSKY CONVALESCENT HOME, SAME
Marvin gets out and so does Bob. A man Leo's age, DR. TOMSKY,
approaches.
DR. TOMSKY
Hello, Leo. Long time no see! Is
this our friend?
MARVIN
Bob Wiley, this is your new pal, Dr.
Tomsky.
BOB
New pal? What's wrong with my old
pal?
Tomsky makes a motion of his head. Two big attendants move
to either side of Bob.
BIG ATTENDANT 1
Let us show you to your room.
They lead Bob off.
BOB
Hey! Don't touch me! I have seizures!
Dr. M! Dr. M!!
They take Bob into a building. Marvin turns to Tomsky.
MARVIN
I really appreciate your helping me
out on this, Kenneth.
Tomsky holds out a form for Marvin to sign. He does.
TOMSKY
I can only hold him for twenty four
hours, Leo. Without staff
corroboration.
MARVIN
I'm not worried in the least, Kenneth.
I'm sure your entire staff will
corroborate. With intensive treatment
he should be out in about -- fifty
years.
Marvin hands the clipboard back to Tomsky. They shake.
EXT. THE MARVIN HOUSE DRIVEWAY, LATE AFTERNOON
The Marvin station wagon pulls into the driveway, radio is
blasting, playing a tape of Neil Diamond. Marvin exits it,
dancing as he sings along.
MARVIN AND TAPE
"I'll be what I am, solitary man.
SOLITARY MAN!"
INT. THE MARVIN SUMMER HOUSE, SAME
Marvin enters singing. Siggy and Anna see him.
ANNA
Dad, you okay?
MARVIN
(to "Oklahoma")
"Okay, Anna Mae, Leo Marvin's okay
Leo Marvin, he's okay!"
SIGGY
Where's Bob?
ANNA
Yeah, dad, where's Bob?
MARVIN
Can't a man enjoy himself on vacation?
ANNA
Dad -- ?
MARVIN
Bob sends his regrets but he had to
take a trip.
ANNA
What kind of trip? I thought you
were working with him.
MARVIN
I was.
ANNA
Then why'd he go on a trip?
MARVIN
Why does a man climb a mountain,
Anna? Because it's there.
Marvin turns up the music and dances. Anna and Siggy stand
stunned.
ANNA
He didn't even say good-bye?
SIGGY
He just left?
ANNA
It's not like Bob not to say good-
bye.
MARVIN
That's why he left, you see. He just
wasn't himself.
(pause)
He'll write.
ANNA
Dad, if you did something to Bob...
MARVIN
Anna, what do you take me for?
(pause)
Everything's fine.
Marvin, looking perfectly content, turns off the music, goes
to his chair, picks up Freud's Understanding Dreams, the
book he's been trying to read since he arrived here. Siggy
and Anna stare at him suspiciously. Fay enters carrying the
cordless phone.
FAY
Leo, a Dr. Tomsky says it's urgent.
Marvin takes the phone and walks into the kitchen. Anna and
Siggy look even more suspicious. Momentarily Leo strides out
of the kitchen and walks out the front door.
FAY
Leo, where are you going?
MARVIN
Out.
FAY
Just like that?
(pause)
Be home by seven, okay?
Marvin doesn't answer because he's gone.
ANNA
Something's rotten in Winnipesaukee.
EXT. THE TOMSKY CONVALESCENT HOME, LATE AFTERNOON
Marvin's car screeches up. Marvin hurries out.
INT. THE TOMSKY CONVALESCENT HOME, SAME
Bob sits around a table with Tomsky and several members of
the STAFF who are laughing.
BOB
Wait, I've another one. Who knows
the difference between Freud and
Moses?
He sees blank, expectant faces, waiting for a punchline.
BOB
Well if you don't know, I'm going to
another clinic!
All laugh. Tomsky sees Marvin enter and stands.
TOMSKY
Excuse me.
BOB
So a psychiatrist and a psychologist
go into a bar and order Bloody
Marys...
INT. THE TOMSKY CONVALESCENT HOME HALLWAY, SAME
Tomsky joins Marvin in the hall. In the other room we see
Bob continuing to joke with the staff.
MARVIN
Kenneth, you have been duped by a
textbook narcissist. A brilliant
neuropath!
TOMSKY
Brilliant enough to dupe my entire
staff? I doubt that.
Tomsky stuffs a paper into Marvin's shirt pocket.
TOMSKY
I'm giving you back his admitting
forms, Leo, to save you any
embarrassment.
MARVIN
Embarrassment?!
TOMSKY
It's perfectly natural for a patient
to bond with his analyst. It's a
normal part of therapy. If you want
to be rid of him, simply take him
back where you got him and go home.
MARVIN
That's easy for you to say! He's
human crazy glue! If it were that
simple do you think I'd be here?
TOMSKY
You should have never let him sleep
in your pajamas, Leo. His problems
don't go away just because you want
them too.
MARVIN
Whose side are you on?!
TOMSKY
Relax, Leo.
MARVIN
I'm relaxed!
TOMSKY
Take a vacation.
MARVIN
I'm on vacation!!
TOMSKY
Are you sure? Maybe you should check
in here for a few days and get a
handle on things?
Marvin looks at Tomsky, amazed at the implication of this
statement.
EXT. THE COUNTRYSIDE OF NEW ENGLAND, DAY
Marvin drives. Bob rides. Marvin looks ready to explode.
BOB
Intensive psychotherapy? -- boy, you
weren't kidding, were you? I mean
even Dr. T. didn't think I needed
that.
(pause)
Look I have an idea -- how are your
afternoons? I mean since we're here
together with nothing else to do,
what say we work from two to four,
something like that?
EXT. THE COUNTRY ROAD, SAME
The Marvinmobile screeches to a halt and Marvin jumps out.
He rushes around the car and opens Bob's door.
MARVIN
Get out! Get out of my car, get out
of my life, don't ever come back!
Marvin drags Bob out of the car and slams the door.
BOB
Are you saying you'd prefer mornings?
Marvin gets back in and floors it. He speeds off.
BOB
What is this, isolation therapy?
Bob stands alone on the road.
BOB
You're the doctor.
Birds chirp and crickets crick. A pick-up truck passes and
Bob sticks out his thumb. The pick-up stops.
INT. MARVIN'S CAR, SAME
Marvin is about to bust a vessel. Telephone poles shoot by
like pickets on a fence. Behind him a siren wails. In his
rear-view mirror, Marvin sees a motorcycle cop approaching.
MARVIN
No! You won't catch me!! NO!
EXT. THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, ANOTHER SPOT, LATER
The motorcycle cop is writing a steaming Leo Marvin a ticket.
A passing pick-up slows and Bob leans out the passenger
window.
BOB
Need any help?
MARVIN
No!
BOB
Remember: be home by seven.
The pick-up drives on. The motorcycle cop hands Marvin a
ticket. Marvin gets back into his car, throws it in gear,
and the car jerks backwards into the guardrail.
MARVIN
Shit!
Marvin throws it into forward. The car, fender dented, tears
away.
EXT. THE PORCH OF A COUNTRY HOUSE, LATE AFTERNOON
Sitting on the porch of his house, an OLD MAN watches as
Marvin's car slows to a stop out in the road. The tire under
the dented fender is torn to ribbons by the metal and the
car is now riding on the rim. Marvin stops, gets out of the
car, and looks at the tire.
MARVIN
First he ruins my life, now he ruins
my tire!
Cursing to himself, Marvin walks to the trunk and removes a
jack.
MARVIN
God! Damn! Son of a bitching! Bob!
A WOMAN comes out of the house and joins the old man. They
watch in silence as Marvin jacks up his car. As he twists
and grimaces and kicks to get off the lug nuts, it starts to
RAIN.
MARVIN
Shit piss crap! Son of a bitching
douche bag asshole!
THREE MORE PEOPLE come out on the porch and watch. As Marvin
struggles, the car slips off the jack and slams to the
pavement. Marvin begins kicking the tire and hitting it with
the jack.
MARVIN
What about Bob?! Think about Bob!
What about Bob? What about Bob? WHAT
ABOUT BOB!!
EXT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, DUSK
Mumbling to himself, soaking wet, and filthy with tire grime,
Marvin walks to his house. He kicks open the front door.
MARVIN
I'm home!
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, DUSK. MARVIN'S P.O.V.
Lights go on. Thirty people stand around the room with party
favors and drinks. In unison they yell:
PARTY GUESTS
Surprise!
(then sing:)
"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday
to you! Happy Birthd...
The singing tapers into silence. Flabbergasted by Marvin's
disheveled appearance, the party guests stare. Fay and the
kids approach, tentatively.
SIGGY
Dad, what happened?
MARVIN
Nothing.
FAY
Leo, look at yourself!
MARVIN
Just a little car trouble, hon. I'm
fine.
Fay is speechless. So are Siggy and Anna. Not wanting to let
things sink, party-hardy well-wishers approach Leo.
PARTY GUEST 1
Happy Birthday, Leo.
PARTY GUEST 2
Some night to have car trouble. You
almost missed your own surprise party!
BOB (O.S.)
Happy Birthday, Dr. M!
Marvin turns and stares at Bob.
BOB
I couldn't miss your birthday!
Marvin suddenly leaps at Bob and grabs him by the throat. He
pushes him through three rooms of the house, choking him.
MARVIN
I want you dead! Dead, you hear me,
dead!
Marvin falls on the floor on top of Bob. Guests go to pull
him off.
INT. THE MARVIN BEDROOM, NIGHT
Marvin lies in bed in the darkened room. He can hear the
party guests huddle outside in the hall, whispering. A guest
whom we recognize as the Doctor 3 from the boat, (the man
who is telling this story), enters carrying his doctor's
bag. He approaches Fay who is wringing her hands. Both speak
in whispers loud enough for Marvin to decipher.
FAY
I've never seen him like this, Phil.
He's got this delusion about Bob
Wiley being the cause of all his
problems and I don't know what to
do.
PHIL
He's under a lot of stress, Fay. His
book, his interview which frankly
didn't go so well, his birthday.
That's a lot to bite off all at once.
I'll give him a sedative and he'll
be fine.
FAY
You really think so?
Phil puts a hand on Fay's hand and nods.
INT. THE MARVIN LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
Bob sits on the couch beside Siggy. Anna approaches.
ANNA
You feeling better?
BOB
I'm fine. It's your dad I'm worried
about. How is he?
ANNA
Upstairs. Resting. I can't understand
why he'd attack you like that.
Anna sits next to Bob. Bob sees George Stark, standing across
the room, smiling at Anna.
BOB
I can't either. But one thing I've
learned about psychiatrists: they're
brilliant manipulators. I trust your
dad completely. I'm sure everything
he's done has been to help me.
(pause)
How come you aren't making a move on
George Stark?
ANNA
(glancing at George)
Bob, we've talked about this.
BOB
No, you've talked about it and I've
listened. In my opinion, George
Stark's smile is not Oedipal
regression and it's not confused
libido. It's one good looking guy
drooling over you, Anna Marvin.
ANNA
Bob...
BOB
Go ask if you can put your tongue in
his mouth. I hear it works every
time.
Anna smiles then summons her courage, and smilingly approaches
George. He is clearly delighted. A woman walks up to Bob.
WOMAN (LILY)
Hi. Fay said to introduce myself.
I'm Lily, Leo's neurotic sister.
We saw LILY MARVIN'S picture in Leo's office. Bob stands,
delighted.
BOB
A pleasure. I'm neurotic too.
LILY
Really, what a coincidence. Am I
disturbing you?
BOB
Only in a good way. Sit down.
She does.
BOB
It must be nice having an analyst in
the family.
LILY
I don't know, ask Leo. I'm an analyst
too.
BOB
You're kidding?!
OMITTED
Sequence omitted from original script.
INT. MARVIN'S DARKENED BEDROOM, NIGHT
Phil empties a large syringe into Marvin's buttock. He swats
Marvin's behind and Marvin pulls up his pj's.
PHIL
That should give you some interesting
ideas for your next book. You might
even wake up feeling happy.
MARVIN
I doubt it. Phil, do you remember a
classmate named Fensterwald?
PHIL
Carswell Fensterwald? Sure. Who could
forget?
MARVIN
I've forgotten and I don't know why.
Did anything unusual happen with
him?
PHIL
You're joking.
MARVIN
Do I act like a man who's joking?!
PHIL
Relax, Leo. I just can't believe
you'd block something like that out.
Carswell was at Harvard with us. You
turned him in for cheating.
MARVIN
What...?
PHIL
Don't you remember? You brought action
against him for stealing your
psychoanalysis notes and they booted
him. The only place that would take
him after that was University of
Guadalajara.
Marvin tries to speak but nothing comes out of his mouth.
Tomsky watches with concern.
TOMKSY
Leo, is there something about Carswell
that's disturbing you? Leo...?
MARVIN
Thanks, Phil. Enjoy the party.
Phil lingers then leaves, closing the door. Marvin begins
shaking all over. As he does the bed rattles rapidly against
the wall. Leo's losing it. He's no longer the same sane man.
In the darkness we hear:
MARVIN
Baby steps, make a plan.
INT. MARVIN'S BEDROOM, THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
Fay sleeps soundly next to Marvin who is wide eyed, staring
at the ceiling, twitching. Marvin pulls himself carefully
out of bed and crawls on the floor to the door.
EXT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, SAME
Marvin, carrying his shoes, crawls outside. He tries to put
his shoes on and falls flat on his face. He then pulls himself
up and hobbles away.
EXT. THE WINNIPESAUKEE GENERAL STORE, MORNING
This is where the Marvin family was shopping when Bob first
came to town. Marvin paces outside until the owner opens the
front door for business.
INT. THE GENERAL STORE, MORNING
Marvin wanders through the hardware section, looking around.
FRED, the owner, works behind the counter.
FRED
Can I help you, doctor?
MARVIN
I want to buy a gun.
FRED
Okay.
Fred walks to a case.
FRED
I've got Winchesters. Colts. What do
you plan on hunting?
MARVIN
Er. An animal. This tall. Hundred
and seventy pounds. Bermuda shorts.
FRED
Take a look at this baby. It'll shoot
through anything but it also leaves
a clean wound.
He hands Marvin a rifle. Marvin examines it.
FRED
Your wife was in with that Bob fellow.
Sure is a nice guy.
MARVIN
(handing back the
rifle)
What do you have that leaves a messy
wound?
ANGLE ON THE CASH REGISTER AREA
Fred is ringing up Marvin's purchase: two rifles and a box
of shells.
FRED
I'll need you driver's license, social
security number, and you can pick
them up on Friday...
(checks a calendar)
the 18th.
MARVIN
The eighteenth?
FRED
There's a two week waiting period in
this state.
MARVIN
I can't wait two weeks! I need these
now!
He grabs the rifles. Fred keeps a firm grip on them.
FRED
Dr. Marvin, it's the law.
Fred wins the tug-of-war. Marvin stares at him.
MARVIN
What about explosives? Any waiting
period there?
EXT. BOB'S COTTAGE, MORNING
Marvin, carrying a bag and singing to himself, walks up to
the cottage. He looks around then kicks open the door.
INT. BOB'S COTTAGE, MORNING
The place looks completely anonymous except for Gil in a
bowl and Bob's bag of clothes. Marvin sits on the floor,
filling a pair of milk cartons with gray powder.
MARVIN
(singing)
"Bob fell in to a Burning ring of
fire. He went down down down And the
flames went higher. And it burned
burned burned, That ring of fire.
The ring of fire."
Marvin removes a wired mechanism from the bag and a timer.
He delicately pushes the wires into the milk cartons then
carefully ties on some fuse wires. He puts the milk cartons
and wired mechanisms into a BACKPACK and puts it under Bob's
bed. He begins laying the fuse wire along the floor towards
the door.
Marvin passed Gil, sitting on a table. Marvin picks up the
bowl and puts it under the bed next to the bomb. He then
goes back to laying the wire into the kitchenette.
EXT. BOB'S COTTAGE, SAME
Marvin lays the fuse wire across room and out the door. He
closes the door and starts to set the timer when he spots a
note hanging on the nearby mailbox:
MARVIN
(reading aloud)
"Dear Mr. and Mrs. G., If I'm not
here, I'm at the Marvins. Would you
feed Gil? Thanks. Bob. P.S. Your
denture adhesives arrived so I put
them in your mailbox. Enjoy. Bob. "
Marvin seethes. He thinks a moment then heads back into the
cottage. Momentarily he returns carrying the back pack and
the long wire fuse.
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, DAY
Bob, Anna and Siggy sit around watching Fay on the phone.
FAY
Well if you hear from him, Donna,
please call... Thanks.
She hangs up.
FAY
Nobody's seen him.
She stands and gets her purse off the table.
FAY
I'm going looking for him.
ANNA
Me too.
SIGGY
Me too.
BOB
Me too.
ANNA
Shouldn't somebody stay here in case
he comes back?
SIGGY
I'll stay.
BOB
I'll stay.
FAY
We'll leave him a note.
She pauses then stops in front of Bob.
FAY
Bob, I'm not defending Leo's recent
behavior in any way, so please don't
take this personally. However
irrational the reasons, Leo is so
upset with you that I think it would
be best if you weren't around when
he comes back.
BOB
Really?
SIGGY
Yeah, mom. Why?
FAY
Because I say so, Siggy.
(to Bob)
Please don't think it's the way I
want it. It's just that Leo's not
himself.
SIGGY
It's not Bob's fault.
BOB
Listen to your mom, Siggy. All of
you get out of here, okay? I'll
straighten up before I go and when
Dr. M. comes home, everything will
be exactly the way he likes it.
FAY
Bob you're such a dear. Take good
care, all right?
Fay hugs Bob. So does Anna.
BOB
You give George a chance okay?
Anna nods. Bob turns to Siggy who is upset. Bob holds out
his hand.
BOB
Give me leather, ass wiping bastard
head.
Siggy swats Bob's hand.
SIGGY
Green puking piss-ant.
The family and Bob exchange pregnant good-bye looks, then
Fay and Siggy and Anna exit.
BOB
Bye, fam.
NEW ANGLE, OUT THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW, SAME
Bob watches as the Marvin family walks away. They wave. Bob
waves back, sadly. He shuffles across the room. He stops at
the puppets on the mantle.
BOB
I guess this is good-bye, fam.
Bob shuffles to Marvin's chair. He stares at the book Marvin
has been trying to read, Freud's Understanding Dreams then
casually opens it. He reads for a moment, gets interested in
it and sits down. He sits back in Marvin's chair, reading.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, LATER
Bob is asleep in Marvin's chair, Freud's Understanding Dreams
open on his chest. Suddenly Marvin's face pops up at the
window. He looks in, sees Bob, then ducks back down.
Momentarily, the front door to the cottage is kicked open
and there stands a seething Marvin.
MARVIN
Get up and don't make a sound!
BOB
Dr. M.! Everybody's looking for you.
Marvin brandishes the back pack.
MARVIN
I said shut up!
BOB
Okay. You're the doc.
EXT. THE MARVIN HOUSE, SAME
Marvin, carrying the back pack, leads Bob outside. Bob looks
relaxed.
BOB
Where we going hiking?
MARVIN
Into the woods.
BOB
Is this is a new form of therapy?
MARVIN
Yeah, Bob, it's death therapy. It's
a guaranteed cure.
BOB
Death therapy. I like it.
Marvin leads Bob into the woods beside the cottage.
EXT. THE WOODS NEAR THE HOUSE, SAME
Bob sits on a stump. Marvin puts the back pack on Bob's
shoulders then starts tying his hands behind him. Bob sits
passively, letting him.
BOB
This is pretty imaginative, Dr. M.
Will this be in your new book?
MARVIN
If it is, I'll dedicate it to you,
how's that?
BOB
Great. Ow. That hurts. Ow.
Marvin keeps tying Bob's hands.
BOB
What is this now, pain therapy?
MARVIN
Exactly. Now yell and scream and
suffer!
BOB
Ow! Ahh! Ow! That really hurts.
Marvin sets the timer then walks away.
MARVIN
Say hello to Freud for me.
Marvin walks out of the woods.
BOB
Dr. M, this hurts!
MARVIN (O.S.)
Love hurts.
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE LIVING ROOM, SAME
Marvin enters, looking happy. He goes to the stereo, puts on
Neil Diamond's "Penny Arcade" and cranks it up loud, then
goes to the window and opens it.
MARVIN
(yelling to the woods)
Music to die by, Bob!
Marvin does a little dance and talks to himself.
MARVIN
I guess it was suicide, Fay. He tried
it once, remember. Just goes to show,
you never can tell.
EXT. THE WOODS, SAME
Bob sits trying to get comfortable.
BOB
I'm worried about getting gangrene,
Dr. M! I think I get the point!
He struggles some more.
BOB
(to himself)
At least I think I get the point.
(pause)
Maybe I'm not supposed to sit here.
(pause)
Maybe I'm supposed to undo these
outer knots...
He begins struggling to untie himself.
BOB
So that my inner knots..., these
strong..., restricting..., inner
knots...
He gets a hand free.
BOB
Will come undone too.
Both hands free, Bob stands.
BOB
Yes!
INT. THE MARVIN HOUSE LIVING ROOM, SAME
Marvin is still dancing around, looking at his watch. He
holds up five, four, three, two, one fingers then prepares
for an explosion. Instead Bob opens the door.
MARVIN
Ahh!
Still wearing the back pack, Bob walks into the room.
BOB
Death therapy cured me!
Marvin runs across the room away from Bob.
MARVIN
No!
BOB
Yes! I used to be so afraid of
everything, it was like dying a
thousand deaths a day. Now, that you
showed me I have only one death to
be afraid of, I'm not afraid of
anything anymore!
MARVIN
NOOOO!
Marvin runs out the back door of the house. Bob stands there
watching him.
BOB
Don't be so modest!
EXT. THE MARVIN DOCK, DAY
Marvin runs out to the dock and tries to start the little
motor boat that sits there. Bob stops at the back door of
the house, casually tosses the back pack onto a chair, then
follows Marvin.
BOB
Dr. M.?
Bob walks out onto the dock. Marvin is working frantically
to start the motorboat.
BOB
Dr. M., I'm really cured!
The house explodes. Debris rains down on Bob and Marvin.
After it settles, the bust of Freud lands on the dock in
front of them.
BOB
Did somebody leave the gas on?
MARVIN
Why won't you go away! I disgraced
myself on national television! No
one will buy my book! My family's
going to hate me!
BOB
Dr. M., your family loves you.
MARVIN
I'M FINISHED!
Marvin is about to attack Bob then stands limp, a beaten
man. What's left of the house is now burning. The Guttmans
have run out of their trailer.
THE GUTTMANS
Burn. Burn! Burn!!
In the distance, SIRENS APPROACH.
BOB
Dr. M. you have the crown jewels of
England all around you. You have a
wife with a generous heart. You have
great kids and an incredible sister.
MARVIN
Stay away from my sister!
BOB
Dr. M, you have a fam!
Marvin stares at Bob then takes a small can of gas from the
old motorboat and pours gas on himself. The SIRENS get closer.
BOB
You know, I'm beginning to think
you're an ingrate.
MARVIN
What?!
BOB
People are miserable all over the
world and you're killing yourself?
You should be ashamed.
MARVIN
Don't talk that way to me!
BOB
Maybe I was wrong about you.
MARVIN
Do you hear me?!
BOB
Maybe you're not so good after all.
Marvin leaps on Bob.
MARVIN
I'll kill you!
Marvin attacks Bob on the dock. Fire trucks arrive. Fay and
the family drive up too. As a couple of FIREMEN and the family
rush to separate Marvin and Bob...
LONG DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DOCTORS' HOUSE BOAT, SUNSET
The doctors and their wives sit around Phil, stunned. Off
their bow is the slab that was once the Marvin house.
PHIL
And they took him away.
DOCTOR 1
My god, it was insanity. Bob drove
Marvin to complete insanity!
WIFE
What happened?
PHIL
Leo was taken to the Tomsky Institute
for a few days for observation. He
lost his medical license, of course.
A doctor can't try to kill one of
his patients and expect to get away
with it.
WIFE
Well thank god for that.
(the other doctors
stare daggers at her)
I mean..., you know... I mean...
(pause)
Then what happened?
PHIL
Leo was returned to his family.
EXT. THE TOMSKY CONVALESCENT HOME, DAY
Leo stands, small suitcase in hand, looking sad and fragile.
Fay, Anna, Siggy, Lily and Bob get out of the station wagon
and look at him. No one says a word, then Bob goes up and
puts his arms around Leo. Leo stands motionless, shell
shocked.
PHIL (O.S.)
Bob and the family rented a lakeside
cottage where they could help Leo
recuperate.
EXT. THE LAWN OF A LAKESIDE COTTAGE, DAY
Gil's bowl sits on a lawn table. In addition to Gil, the
bowl now contains several baby guppies. Marvin lies on a
deck chair, covered with a blanket, staring into nowhere.
Bob is next to him, talking on a cordless phone.
BOB
(into phone)
I understand. Sure.
He hangs up and puts the phone down.
BOB
(to Leo)
Tough business.
Bob makes some notes in his organizer then gets up. He grabs
hold of both of Leo's shoulders.
BOB
(reassuringly)
I'm going over here. I'll be right
over here.
Leo doesn't look at him. A zombie would seem more alive. Bob
goes and joins the volleyball game.
BOB (O.S.)
Okay, I'm with Siggy.
Marvin sits staring into nowhere. The phone rings. Again.
MARVIN
(almost inaudible)
Phone.
The volleyball game continues.
MARVIN
(a touch louder)
Phone.
After another ring, he reaches for it.
MARVIN
(INTO PHONE)
(listlessly affectless)
Hello.
VOICE ON PHONE
May I speak to Bob, please?
MARVIN
(still staring into
nowhere)
Bob's... unavailable right now. Can...
I take a message?
VOICE ON PHONE
I'm Mr. Jameson with the Tucson school
district. Bob contacted us about
buying some toothbrushes but we're
going to have to cancel the order.
MARVIN
(writing)
Tucson canceling order... Any message
why?
JAMESON
(on phone)
It's not a priority right now.
MARVIN
(writing)
Not priority... right now.
(pause)
Why?
JAMESON
(ON PHONE)
Well... money's tight and...
MARVIN
Sure.
(pause)
Though, you know there is another
way to look at it.
JAMESON
(ON PHONE)
What's that?
MARVIN
Well... if you gave a new toothbrush
and taught dental hygiene to every
student at your school... In the
long run you'd save them thousands
of dollars. I mean look at the cost
of dental bills. I bet I could have
put my kids through college with
what I've spent on fillings.
JAMESON
That's an interesting point.
MARVIN
It is, isn't it?
(pause)
Maybe you should try the toothbrushes.
You might do a lot for education by
saving teeth.
JAMESON
Huh. I never thought of that.
(pause)
I tell you what. Tell Bob we'll take
the order and see how it goes.
MARVIN
Great.
Marvin hangs up the phone. He affectless expression suddenly
turns to one full of thought.
MARVIN
Fay.
Marvin sits up, gaining energy, even enthusiasm.
MARVIN
Fay!
The Marvin family hurries over.
PHIL (V.O.)
Leo Marvin now makes toothbrushes.
Bob puts his arm around Leo as he gestures and talks more
and more animatedly to his delighted family.
PHIL (V.O.)
The irony, of course, is that Bob
brought the family closer than they'd
ever been before. Harvey Green saw
Leo last month and said he never
looked happier.
EXT. THE DOCTOR'S HOUSE BOAT
The doctors are stunned.
FEINBERG
My god. The poor bastard.
ANOTHER DOCTOR
And you thought you had nightmares.
FEINBERG
Unbelievable...
WIFE
What happened to Bob?
The others jump in: "Yeah, what about Bob? What about Bob?
What about Bob?"
PHIL
Bob married Lily and had triplets.
He went back to school, got a degree
in marriage-family-counseling, and
now has a big practice on Park and
75th.
INT. BOB WILEY'S MANHATTAN OFFICE, DAY
Bob sits in the shrink's chair. Sitting in three chairs in
front of him are a FATHER, MOTHER, and SON.
SON
Douche bag.
MOTHER
Bastard head!
FATHER
Son of a bitch!
BOB
(gently to the father)
Try ass wipe of the universe.
FATHER
Ass wipe of the universe!
The family look at each other. Tears well. They hug.
BOB
Excellent.
EXT. THE DOCTORS ON THE BOAT
The doctors look at each other in astonishment.
DOCTOR 2 (V.O.)
Wait a minute. You're not telling me
that Bob Wiley is Dr. Robert S. Wiley,
the psychologist?!
PHIL
That's exactly what I'm telling you.
A BIG HOUSE BOAT goes by. Phil yells to it.
PHIL
Hey Bob! Hello, BOB!!
ANGLE ON THE BIG HOUSEBOAT
Bob is surrounded by Lily Marvin, three toddlers and lots of
friends. Smiling, Bob waves at the doctors.
FEINBERG (V.O.)
Wrote that huge best seller? What's
it called?
Bob's boat turns. On it's stern, in huge letters is it's
name: "Vacation Therapy".
FEINBERG (V.O.)
Vacation Therapy!
PHIL (V.O.)
Exactly. Sold 2 million copies.
ANGLE ON THE DOCTORS BOAT
who are dark green with envy.
DOCTOR 2
I don't believe it!
DOCTOR 1
Pinch me!
FEINBERG
I'll never take another vacation as
long as I live!
ANGLE ON BOB'S HOUSEBOAT
As the other doctors second in agreement, WE SEE Bob's hugely
happy houseboat motors off. We see Bob's big smile as he
passes out Kleenex to his family then waves good-bye to the
doctors.
ROLL END CREDITS.
THE END
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